Just got off the phone with him and want to drink
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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It's weird, he tends to yell and bully me a lot in the early morning right before work. He is a good person in a lot of ways, but twice in the past month he's upset me so badly before work I was shaking. He doesn't think much of me or my job even though I was promoted and got the graduate degree. He diminishes everything I do. I'm not sure why. He wasn't like that before he moved in. He is not real happy in his career right now. I tried to be strong after I got to work today and called and asked him to apologize and he yelled that I needed to apologize for lying to him about saying I would do his task but then finishing my work task first. Then he hung up on me. I am trying very had to stay sober, this is Day 3. I just got a terse email from him saying he is not coming home until late tonight. I just want to feel good about myself because it is a big part of sobriety. I want to be the person I used to be. He knows I am vulnerable b/c I am divorced and have to share time with my children and it is especially difficult around the holidays.
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Originally Posted by HopeBegins 
It's weird, he tends to yell and bully me a lot in the early morning right before work. He is a good person in a lot of ways, but twice in the past month he's upset me so badly before work I was shaking. He doesn't think much of me or my job even though I was promoted and got the graduate degree. He diminishes everything I do. I'm not sure why. He wasn't like that before he moved in. He is not real happy in his career right now. I tried to be strong after I got to work today and called and asked him to apologize and he yelled that I needed to apologize for lying to him about saying I would do his task but then finishing my work task first. Then he hung up on me. I am trying very had to stay sober, this is Day 3. I just got a terse email from him saying he is not coming home until late tonight. I just want to feel good about myself because it is a big part of sobriety. I want to be the person I used to be. He knows I am vulnerable b/c I am divorced and have to share time with my children and it is especially difficult around the holidays.
He yells at you
He bullies you
He diminishes everything you do
He stays out
He makes you feel bad
He is living in your house and making you feel so bad.This man is not going to change. Trust me,I've been there.It gets worse and worse. It is vulnerable women that these men feed off. Please get help as this situation will not get any better and you deserve so much better for you and your children
I'm sorry,I'm not trying to be harsh or upset you. It's just a subject close to my heart as have been involved with a bullying controlling man. My drinking could never be sorted out whilst I was still with him as there were other issues needed to be sorted out about me that couldn't be whilst I was with him and it just got worse
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Thanks for the advice. He is not always like this, but since he moved in he seems to be more like the father who punishes me when I am "bad." He is just verbally abusive. And gets angry over little things. He was not at all like this before.
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OK... the advice here has been good. Questions:
1. It is Easter Weekend. He usually dictates what we do ... should I just let him do what he wants and be on my own once my kids leave with their Dad? Do something good for myself (like exercise, read a book) instead of going with him as he expects?
2. I am supposed to attend a low-key event with him Friday night. I wish to send the message that I am not the desperate loser he portrays me to be at times. Again, perhaps I should do something different instead of tagging along with him? Again, I have teens who will likely be busy Friday night, but I want to make a point that I can be strong and be alone if needed. Without drinking.
1. It is Easter Weekend. He usually dictates what we do ... should I just let him do what he wants and be on my own once my kids leave with their Dad? Do something good for myself (like exercise, read a book) instead of going with him as he expects?
2. I am supposed to attend a low-key event with him Friday night. I wish to send the message that I am not the desperate loser he portrays me to be at times. Again, perhaps I should do something different instead of tagging along with him? Again, I have teens who will likely be busy Friday night, but I want to make a point that I can be strong and be alone if needed. Without drinking.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by HopeBegins
Thanks for the advice. He is not always like this, but since he moved in he seems to be more like the father who punishes me when I am "bad." He is just verbally abusive. And gets angry over little things. He was not at all like this before.
He sounds like he needs to get a few wins in other departments so he'll stop looking for little wins by bullying you.
If he's not always like this, than i'm sure he's mostly a good person. Probably just has some issues going on right now that he needs to work out.
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He has been like this for a while though... he is always saying how he changed his life for me, etc. I've offered to help him with his resume, and am always finding job opportunities for him but he doesn't really move on them. I want the person I fell in love with, not this person who thinks I am nothing. He has grown kids and he especially diminishes me when he compares me to them. I won't see him tonight and probably not tomorrow, and I just want to make sure I do not drink out of worry the relationship is ending.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Originally Posted by HopeBegins
He has been like this for a while though... he is always saying how he changed his life for me, etc. I've offered to help him with his resume, and am always finding job opportunities for him but he doesn't really move on them. I want the person I fell in love with, not this person who thinks I am nothing. He has grown kids and he especially diminishes me when he compares me to them. I won't see him tonight and probably not tomorrow, and I just want to make sure I do not drink out of worry the relationship is ending.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by HopeBegins
OK... the advice here has been good. Questions:
1. It is Easter Weekend. He usually dictates what we do ... should I just let him do what he wants and be on my own once my kids leave with their Dad? Do something good for myself (like exercise, read a book) instead of going with him as he expects?
2. I am supposed to attend a low-key event with him Friday night. I wish to send the message that I am not the desperate loser he portrays me to be at times. Again, perhaps I should do something different instead of tagging along with him? Again, I have teens who will likely be busy Friday night, but I want to make a point that I can be strong and be alone if needed. Without drinking.
1. It is Easter Weekend. He usually dictates what we do ... should I just let him do what he wants and be on my own once my kids leave with their Dad? Do something good for myself (like exercise, read a book) instead of going with him as he expects?
2. I am supposed to attend a low-key event with him Friday night. I wish to send the message that I am not the desperate loser he portrays me to be at times. Again, perhaps I should do something different instead of tagging along with him? Again, I have teens who will likely be busy Friday night, but I want to make a point that I can be strong and be alone if needed. Without drinking.
There is no reason to make a point to him, just be your new found self.
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why are you LETTING this man dictate HOW YOU FEEL??? what you do?? your emotional happiness...
OMG! if it were me (and i am the alcoholic here, sober 22 months)...I would kick his sorry a$$ out the door and let him throw a temper tantrum and *yell* at someone else.
you are LETTING him use you for a doormat...MARRY HIM???? only if he had 6 months to live, a huge financial portfolio and no family. He makes you so miserable and fearful that you can't make a decision on what YOU want to do?
being alone without the kids for a weekend can be a gift of time and indulgence FOR YOU. it's all in how you look at it. who wants to argue with an idiot who you have to ask PERMISSION to use his computer in the AM and then listen to him bluster and fabricate a fight? (what is he doing this evening and with whom)?\
really, if you don't take back control of YOUR life, who will?
OMG! if it were me (and i am the alcoholic here, sober 22 months)...I would kick his sorry a$$ out the door and let him throw a temper tantrum and *yell* at someone else.
you are LETTING him use you for a doormat...MARRY HIM???? only if he had 6 months to live, a huge financial portfolio and no family. He makes you so miserable and fearful that you can't make a decision on what YOU want to do?
being alone without the kids for a weekend can be a gift of time and indulgence FOR YOU. it's all in how you look at it. who wants to argue with an idiot who you have to ask PERMISSION to use his computer in the AM and then listen to him bluster and fabricate a fight? (what is he doing this evening and with whom)?\
really, if you don't take back control of YOUR life, who will?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Originally Posted by Fandy
why are you LETTING this man dictate HOW YOU FEEL??? what you do?? your emotional happiness...
OMG! if it were me (and i am the alcoholic here, sober 22 months)...I would kick his sorry a$$ out the door and let him throw a temper tantrum and *yell* at someone else.
you are LETTING him use you for a doormat...MARRY HIM???? only if he had 6 months to live, a huge financial portfolio and no family. He makes you so miserable and fearful that you can't make a decision on what YOU want to do?
being alone without the kids for a weekend can be a gift of time and indulgence FOR YOU. it's all in how you look at it. who wants to argue with an idiot who you have to ask PERMISSION to use his computer in the AM and then listen to him bluster and fabricate a fight? (what is he doing this evening and with whom)?\
really, if you don't take back control of YOUR life, who will?
OMG! if it were me (and i am the alcoholic here, sober 22 months)...I would kick his sorry a$$ out the door and let him throw a temper tantrum and *yell* at someone else.
you are LETTING him use you for a doormat...MARRY HIM???? only if he had 6 months to live, a huge financial portfolio and no family. He makes you so miserable and fearful that you can't make a decision on what YOU want to do?
being alone without the kids for a weekend can be a gift of time and indulgence FOR YOU. it's all in how you look at it. who wants to argue with an idiot who you have to ask PERMISSION to use his computer in the AM and then listen to him bluster and fabricate a fight? (what is he doing this evening and with whom)?\
really, if you don't take back control of YOUR life, who will?
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
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Originally Posted by Fandy
why are you LETTING this man dictate HOW YOU FEEL??? what you do?? your emotional happiness...
OMG! if it were me (and i am the alcoholic here, sober 22 months)...I would kick his sorry a$$ out the door and let him throw a temper tantrum and *yell* at someone else.
you are LETTING him use you for a doormat...MARRY HIM???? only if he had 6 months to live, a huge financial portfolio and no family. He makes you so miserable and fearful that you can't make a decision on what YOU want to do?
being alone without the kids for a weekend can be a gift of time and indulgence FOR YOU. it's all in how you look at it. who wants to argue with an idiot who you have to ask PERMISSION to use his computer in the AM and then listen to him bluster and fabricate a fight? (what is he doing this evening and with whom)?\
really, if you don't take back control of YOUR life, who will?
OMG! if it were me (and i am the alcoholic here, sober 22 months)...I would kick his sorry a$$ out the door and let him throw a temper tantrum and *yell* at someone else.
you are LETTING him use you for a doormat...MARRY HIM???? only if he had 6 months to live, a huge financial portfolio and no family. He makes you so miserable and fearful that you can't make a decision on what YOU want to do?
being alone without the kids for a weekend can be a gift of time and indulgence FOR YOU. it's all in how you look at it. who wants to argue with an idiot who you have to ask PERMISSION to use his computer in the AM and then listen to him bluster and fabricate a fight? (what is he doing this evening and with whom)?\
really, if you don't take back control of YOUR life, who will?
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