sophia89

I'm 23 years old. My father is a recovering alcoholic who drank most of the time as I was growing up and has been sober for about 2 years now. My whole has revolved around alcohol. I started drinking heavily at the age of 16. I was in my first relationship at that time, and it was my first love. I think I was in the relationship on and off for about 3 and a half years. When he would break up with me, I thought that alcohol would solve all of my problems. My mom helped me get it because she knew that I was suffering, and she thought that she was helping me because when I would drink, it would take some of the pain away. I now know that what I did was not healthy at all, and she admits to being the supplier because she attends Al-Anon meetings regularly now.

After I finally got out of that scary, abusive and overall sick relationship, I quickly jumped into a new one. We were together for 2 years. The problem was, that we both drank heavily in the beginning stages of the relationship. After we both got out of work, we would buy a 12 pack, or a bottle of vodka and drink until we fought or went to sleep. I thought I loved him, but after we broke up, I knew that I did not love him, I just needed him because I felt lonely without him. I guess that would make him the rebound. He realized what was happening, and he knew that it was wrong, so he stopped drinking even though I did not and kept reassuring myself that I was young and didn't have a problem. I tried committing suicide and at that time I was living with him already; things back home weren't going well, and I couldn't mentally take all of the emotions and pain that had surrounded me.

Well, we broke up, I moved back home, my Mom filed for divorce, I found a new job, but I kept drinking. My father promised my mom that he would stop drinking. He begged for her forgiveness, and asked that she stop the divorce. We moved out of the house for 3 months, he remained sober, and then we moved back. I had just turned 22, lived my life, did what I wanted, went where I wanted to, had a best friend fall in love with me, drank almost everyday...I was paving my own path to destruction, but God through me in the hands of a guy that would have a major impact on my life.

The moment that we met, I knew it was for a reason, but I did not fall in love right from the beginning, unlike him, who knew it was love at first sight. During the first month that we met, he asked me out, and I got my 2nd DUI. He was there through the whole process and never left my side. It was so tough on me because I was deathly afraid of telling my mom, but he knew I needed her help, so he told her.

Circumstances led to me moving in with him, and guess what we did? We drank almost everyday together. Within a couple of months, he significantly minimized his drinking. I did as well, because I moved back home, but there were times where I still got drunk. During these times, I would break up with him, call him names, and mentally abuse him. He would always take me back because the next day I felt horrible and apologized. Even though I had changed a lot for him, I still drank heavily on occasions. Last Friday, March 24, he dropped me off home, I bought myself beer, and I left the house and got wasted. I ended up calling him at 3 in the morning and he picked me up and made sure he got me into bed. The next day he came by, around 11am, and he broke up with me. I did not think much of it at the time, because I was still hungover, and I drank that whole day away because I was sad and angry with myself. On Sunday, my Mom and her best friend took me out to the park, to eat, and to church. That is when I confronted her and said, "I know that I have a problem with alcohol, and I need your help." She was so grateful, she began to cry. God, the way that she loves me, is the way that every mother should love there child....

It's been a full week now, and I haven't seen my boyfriend since he ended things. I know that he loves me but he said that he needed to do this because he has had enough and has given me way too many chances. He feels confused, hurt and betrayed. I understand where he is coming from, but I told him that this time I had hit rock bottom and decided to get treatment. I really thought that he was going to be there for me and talk to me one on one about maybe trying one more time. I thought that he would attend Al-Anon meetings for me and give me a chance until he understood how this disease could take over a person's life. He said that there is no chance right now because he does not trust me anymore. A part of me understands him, but the other part of me questions why someone who loves a person so much ditches them when they need that person the most?

I don't know what to do...I need help, and I will attend AA meetings. I don't want to drink anymore, and I don't feel the urge too. I understand that I abuse alcohol when I start drinking, but I really feel like I am at that place in my life where enough is enough. I lost a good guy, and I don't think there is a chance for us anymore, although I feel like I will regret not trying hard enough to get him back.

I need advice...from people who have been in similar situations as I have been in.

Thank you...

2granddaughters

Hello Sophia:

You get yourself on the right track and life will fall back into place. Get and keep your priorities straight. Sobriety first. AA will help you.

All the best. (I'm 23 yrs sober)

Bob R

Panache

I agree with Bob Sophia. Invest in yourself first and concentrate on your sobriety and everything else will get better.

It's good you have recognised you have a problem this early and are doing something about it. I'm 25 and wish I'd done something about it sooner. I too have lost good boyfriends through being an alcoholic, but at the same time I think, I was an alcoholic when I met them, so maybe if I was sober it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway? I will never know.

Keep in touch and welcome to SR

least

Work on your sobriety first and foremost. Let the rest fall into place on its own. Staying sober may not bring the relationship back but it will bring back your life, and a better life too.

Glad you found us.

fantail

You need to get sober for you, and give your ex his space. Once you're healthy, maybe you can try again. Until then, you won't know.

It's important to recognize too the two sides of addiction. On the one hand, yes, it is devastating, it takes over our lives, it victimizes us. But on the other hand, we're not talking about cancer here. This is something we engage in ourselves. Not because we're bad people, or weak, etc etc. But we do bring it on ourselves. So expecting someone who's already been through a lot of pain with you to go through your recovery process with you is not always fair. For their own sanity, the people around you will need to draw lines sometimes about how much they're willing to put themselves through. If you were being emotionally abusive to this guy, it's important to recognize that you can't just say "it wasn't my fault, I'm an alcoholic." You still caused him that pain and if you love him, then the respectful thing is to give him time and space to heal while you work on becoming a person who doesn't cause harm to those they love. Then readress it when you no longer need to ask him to suffer in order to be with you. And that time will come! You just need to work on yourself for a while and someday soon you'll have a whole new future ahead of you.

sophia89

Thank you all very much for sharing. Just got back from my first AA meeting though it was quite hard.

I appreciate all the advice and feedback!