Vastreaction

I'm on my 5th day without a drink. Withdrawals have subsided, yesterday was the most productive Saturday I've had in recent memory. I would really like to hit up an AA meeting tonight at 5:30 and get the process started.

Here is my worry: the meeting is only about 30 blocks from my apartment, and my place of employment.

I have not made my problem public, and I'm very afraid of seeing someone that I know, a regular customer (I work in a deli) or something like that. I would be embarrassed and feel awkward. I've been cleared for some time off work for a "serious medical concern", but none of my co-workers know the truth. Even if I don't see anyone I know, I am working myself into a frenzy, and I feel like this anxiety might overshadow whatever I would get out of the meeting in the first place.

Any thoughts on how to handle this? I take the bus, and the meetings that are further away are incredibly complex to get to.

HappyDestiny3

You can't forget.. Anyone you see is there for the same reason as you..

Nobody goes to see who is a alcoholic in the community..

And almost everyone has the anxiety and this fear before their first meeting.. Please just go walk in and do it.. I know I left leaving laughing at myself for building up all those emotions..

There are 1,000 excuses not go, But there is not 1 good reason..

Your First AA Meeting<

Nattythreads

There are two possible scenarios, chap.

A) If you bump in to someone you know and they've been attending for a while, they will come up, shake your hand and warmly welcome you. They were a newcomer once.

B) If you bump in to someone who is in a similar situation as you, they'll be going through the same doubts, worries and possibly embarrassing scenarios that you will so you'll have an immediate connection.

To sum up, I can't see any downside here.

All strength

NT

Vastreaction

I guess I forgot to leave out some details.

I got a DUI in 2010, and had to attend 12 AA meetings mandated by court. I lied my way through the process, blowing it off, thinking I was better than the system. There were a few other people in there for the same reason, and I could tell by their body language, their rolling eyes and their crappy facial expressions that they were upset. They were "forced into this AA crap by the system."

Now that I'm taking it seriously, I would just be embarrassed to run into a co-worker or someone I vaguely know who was in there with that attitude, because they wouldn't share the same bond with me. They would look down on me as a "stupid alky" while they just "make one mistake."

hypochondriac

I felt just like you before my first meeting Vastreaction. I remember speaking to my mum and sister about it and they honestly couldn't see what the problem was. I think that helped because I thought it was the worst thing ever to go to an AA meeting and they couldn't see what the big deal was. Regarding seeing someone I knew my mum told me to see them as an ally. Everyone is there for the same reason after all, that's the beauty of AA (and SR ). Walking through the door was the hard bit but it was all smooth sailing from there. That link HappyDestiny posted really helped me too. Just go for it, you have nothing to lose x

Nattythreads

On the contrary. They'll have a lot of respect that you've finally asked for help.

Nobody judges you for "mistakes." We've all made them. It takes different people different amounts of time to come to a realization. Coming to that realization quicker doesn't make anyone better or worse in the eyes of recovery people.

Anna

I think you should do whatever you need to do in order to get sober. I don't go to meetings, but maybe you're worrying too much about being seen. Congratulations on Day 5 sober!

HappyDestiny3

I have had several dui's and all that stuff..

Like the others said, people won't look down on you for you helping yourself get better..

And if your anything like me , I sure didn't mind people seeing me drunk as a skunk out in public and the bars.. So why would I worry about them seeing me sober and healthy...!!!

And you got to come to terms with you are doing this for YOU and YOU alone..

I don't care what other people think of me today ~ because truly its none of my business anyway..

2granddaughters

Just say a prayer, take a deep breath and walk in the door. The fine folks there will look after you.

All your fears are in your head .. you'll see.

All the best.

Bob R

Coldfusion

I live in a small town, and look at AA very differently.

We talk about it at meetings, and there is a difference between "confidentiality" and "anonymity." One way to look at it is that you can expect confidentiality from others at the meeting, but anonymity is up to you.

Vastreaction

All your posts are super insightful and helpful! Thanks a lot.

HappyDestiny3 - I think yours hit home the most, lol. I never seemed to mind when someone saw me stagger out of the bar bathroom after clearly vomiting, then shoulder my way through the door to find a bus home. So why should I care if they see me trying to improve myself.

Sigh, I'll be sitting in a meeting at 5:31, ladies and gentlemen.

HappyDestiny3

Right on.. Please just go and keep a open mind.. AA has become the best thing I ever did in my life..

So Welcome Home.. I will be at a meeting at the same time.. Since your 3 hrs earlier than me.. It will be 8:30 here, and I will be with a doughnut , coffee, and my tribe..

Please come back and share how it was for you, with all the other newcomers..

bigsombrero

Maybe you'd feel awkward if you saw someone familiar. More likely you'd feel relieved. You're naturally concerned, and probably over-analyzing the situation right now. Give it a try. Remember there's no mandatory attendance and nobody's going to make you go back if you don't want to! Good luck and congrats for getting your sobriety in order.

deeker

No one in AA looks down on anyone. Unless they are reaching down to help you up.You are not the first person court ordered to AA who didn't want to be there. Plus, no offense but people aren't really thinking about you, I am sure they have problems of their own.

That is just us - as alkies thinking everyone is thinking about us.

The flow of people coming into AA will never end , and there will be people who stay, people who relapse and never come back and die for that reason you are speaking of. It's your life. Who cares what anyone else thinks. This is a fatal disease and you need to do what is right for you.

Sounds like you are just a little insecure at this time but in time that will all pass. Just go to your meeting and get the help you are entitled to. Only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking and that's it.

Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Coldfusion

I can't go to a meeting tonight because my wife has the car at work!

ReadyAtLast

Hope it goes well for you vast

FeenixxRising

VastReaction, I would say your fears are unfounded. I doubt anyone there would be particualry judgemental. If anyone would look down on you that's their problem. You're working to improve you life; take solace and comfort in that.

Vastreaction

I am pretty insecure, but I'm less worried about what they would think of me and more concerned about someone who is not fully committed to the system (as in someone forced to be there) breaking the anonymity and spreading this situation around work. I work in a huge location with roughly 500 employees.

But you're right. If it spreads around, it's not the end of the world. I'm getting better, I have some promising leads on a new career if I focus for the next 9 months, so... if they look down on me, poo poo to them.

Thanks so much everyone for the advice and the support. This is invaluable.

least

I hope you have a good experience at your meeting.

HappyDestiny3

Thats the attitude..

For only a sick person would look down on someone that is getting better..

And 500 employee's HUH? If I was a betting man, I would almost guarantee that another person from your work is in the program..

And really think about it, if someone is in the rooms on paper and don't want to be there.. And what are they going to tell people .....

Hey I was at this AA meeting, and I don't want to be there , cause I dont have a problem. Its the courts fault, the cops fault, only my first dui, blah blah blah... And guess who I saw ...... and he actually WANTS to be there ~ how crazy... LOL..

Think if someone actually told you that.. What would be your response. I knw mine would be good for them...