Sasha4

I realised this morning how long it has been since I visited some of the shops I used to go to on a rotation to buy drink, so the shop keeper would not catch on to my drinking.

403 days for two of them, shops I truly hated but they sold 'smaller bottles' when I was trying to moderate or cheap bottles when I was buying 'for friends'. All those little lies and fibs I told myself and others to justify my drinking.

I hated one shop.
It sold smelly sandwiches that reeked of raw onion.

There was one shop I quite liked as the lady you paid was always on the phone shouting at someone so I hoped she did not pay too much attention to me.
That shop was a bit like a cave, the deeper in you went the darker it got.
But I have no need for that shop now as it has nothing I need.

I usually have memories of bad behaviour popping into my head that I find really hard to deal with.

But this was just a thought. Quite a pleasant thought though.
Its nice not having to do that daily drive somewhere to buy drink so I wouldn't be recognised or seen too often.

I have no idea what the point of this post is.
Perhaps its just a significant realisation for me!

Happy sunday! xx

bigsombrero

Nothing wrong with analyzing your thoughts and posting them. Working through these things and attaching significance to them is part of the process. Good on you for putting a voice to these thoughts and sharing them. Thanks!

LoftyIdeals

Thanks for sharing that, Sasha. It was a great reminder of one of the things we are leaving behind.

Gilmer

That's great, Sasha. I used to rotate to 4 of them. One in particular got wise to me. There was one young guy with these ice-cold blue fish eyes that used to give me this knowing look like, "You're a drunk housewife. You're probably going to finish these off in the parking lot!" (For hard liquor I used to get the airline-sized bottles, so I could dispose of them easier).

losteverything

Haha...I did that too, going to different shops in the hope that I didn't appear alcoholic. Insanity really, considering who else stands at the front door of the liquor store before it opens, just to buy a small bottle of the cheapest Vodka? was I hoping they thought I was having some type of cleaning emergency?

Panache

Can more than relate to buying the small bottles, i remember one cashier saying "you sure do like these small bottles don't you" my response "oh they're not for me, they're for friends... We're going on a train journey tomorrow" - please?! The week after I was offered a store card to save money because I was "always in there".

Not anymore though thanks for sharing Sasha.

ForMeForThem

Thanks for the post Sasha. I used to rotate between the 2 shops in town. I remember rationalizing what the shopkeeper must be thinking of me (like,oh he probably just thinks we entertain alot that's why I buy so much wine, I'm sure he doesn't think I drink it all). I hated seeing the shop employees around town, like they knew my dirty little secret. Another thing I would do is rotate paying cash and credit card so if my husband saw my bill it never appeared that I went too frequently (I can relate to the pleasant feeling, I get that now when the credit card bill comes and I don't have to worry about how many trips to liquor store are on there, it's nice not to have to hide.)

I've got to share that my sneaky AV just kicked into action when I read this...
I found myself thinking..."that's a good idea, why didn't you ever think of that, you should try that, you could just throw the empties away, I wonder if they sell wine in those small bottles, I wonder how much they are"

I snapped out of that, how absurd the thoughts that come some time!

Jeni26

Thanks for the post Sasha.

That reminds me of doing my Friday shop when I was drinking-3 bottles of wine, a bottle of vodka plus all H's beers. More than 1 cashier asked me if I was having a party. I used to get sooo cross when I was asked that!!x

Gilmer

Sorry to have put a bad thought in your mind, ForMeForThem. I guess we shouldn't share graphic reminiscences of what we did in the old days.

SnwFlower

Thanks for sharing that awesome post Sasha. I used to do the same thing too. It's funny how we think we're fooling the store clerks when in reality the only one we were actually fooling was ourselves. I also remember all too often, waking up at around 11 or 12pm at night (after my first 5pm bottle of wine had subsided and napped through) and would walk to the nearest 7-11 for a cheap bottle of wine to get me to sleep the rest of the night. I remember how pathetic I felt, and a little scared making a wine run at 11pm. Thinking back on those pathetic times makes me all the more glad to be clean and sober and honest with myself. Life is SO good being clean. Big happy sigh...

Nattythreads

Thanks for that, Sasha. There's an excellent point in your post - and that's being able to verbalize the embarrassment we've all felt at the sort of piteous recognition we've all received at these establishments over the years.

That coupled with the self-contempt that accompanies the "what exactly am I doing in this smelly wee shop and why do I give a monkeys about what the smelly wee owner thinks?"

Because we do give a monkeys, and we know that we're actually a great deal sadder than the smelly wee owner

misspond

So true, that feeling of shame, even as you're buying the wine, and knowing that the only reason you buy from different shops is so no-one, not even you, knows you drink too much. I would even feel ashamed and as though the shop-keeper knew my secret if it was a shop I'd never been to before, such is the power of denial.

ForMeForThem

Gilmer, Don't be sorry, I'm grateful for those moments when that av tries to sneak in and I recognize it for what it is, i learn from it and it makes me stronger. And better for it to happen reading on SR than elsewhere where I may be taken off guard. Now I'm a little wiser and one step ahead of my AV on those little bottles, so I'm grateful for your sharing, that's why I love this site, I can learn from others experiences.

Zebra1275

Like a lot of us I used to rotate the stores I went to for my booze.

One of them is now out of business.

I wonder if I'm to blame for that?

hypochondriac

That's ace Sasha I haven't been in my local bargain booze since I quit drinking. I used to go to 3 different off licenses plus a few different supermarkets too. One place the guy was always funny about giving you a carrier bag and you would always have to ask for one. I remember one time buying a bottle of JD and proudly saying that I have a bag for it and he said, 'that way no one can see it'. I was mortified. He was a horrible man and I have been in there buying lemonade since and I am sure he was the judging sort. But then I guess we felt like we deserved to be judged if we all voluntarily shopped at different stores. Glad I don't have to go through all that rigmarole any more.