Tecnosphere

Hello all pushing 40 here after drinking since I was 16. Past 4 years up to 30 beers per day + a half bottle of sea.7. I am into 14 days sober as of this morning. Fought the vicious and agonizing detox (cold turkey) on the couch and have fought off all triggers up to the minute. Just received a phone call that my grandfather was taken to hospice for his final days. Just about into my Happy Day 14th sober day cup cake, the phone rings and my sis says he will not make the day. Still in severe anxiety and feeling agoraphobic I would not venture to drive the hour + to watch my crying family members without at least a vat of scotch. So here I am, helpless. Did I mention that last Thurs. my Mom was rushed to the hospital with respiratory failure due to years of prescription drug abuse. Well she called this morning from her hospital bed to tell me how great she was feeling and how it scared her straight; and how she was ready to get clean and get back to living. The kicker is my step dad had to go in an hour later and tell her that her dad will be dead within hours and she cant go because the doc will not release her. Now she has to sign herself out to go watch her dad die' not even into her third day of sobriety, and the doc cannot re- admit her because of the insurance thieves; can you say relapse. Please muster all of your strength and give me some power here my new friends. A cold bottle of Mad Dog20/20 would sure go down easy right now.
Your New Friend, Tecno

Richierich777

I think we use excuses to drink. My wife asked if my father or mother past would I drink? I don't think I would because the next day they would still be in the same state and I would feel like crap. If you were drinking that much, and stopped, great on you.

least

It might go down easy but think of the damage it will do. Not only to your sobriety so far, but also to your body and mind. I understand your dilemma but I do know that drinking won't help anything and will only make things worse. Please stay sober. Don't blow your two weeks or you'll have to go thru detox all over again, and you don't want to do that, now do you?

Sazzle

That is. Tough situation. Sending lots of healing thoughts your way. M

S x

misspond

Hi Techno - don't trust the lie that if you drink something all of the pain you're going through will go away. The pain will still be there, and guess what? You'll experience and you'll handle it and it will be hard and alcohol won't make it go away.

Stay here and post instead - everyone here will help you.

Panache

Tecno I agree with all these posts. Don't ruin your 2 week detox, alcohol won't solve any problems, it'll make you wake up tomorrow feeling horrific and the problems will be harder to deal with. Take some deep breathes and post everything you're feeling on these pages and someone will have the words to get you through it.
Strength and courage to you, you're not alone.

Anna

Just focus on staying the course. I'm sorry about your grandfather.

Benrush

Stay strong, Tecno. Something I learned here: I don't think you will find many answers by drinking tonight. So sorry to hear about this situation, it's a ton to handle. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Zebra1275

Fought the vicious and agonizing detox

Why would you want to this again? Every time it gets a little bit worse.

Given the events you are describing in your life, and your drinking history I doubt that 1 bottle is going to do it for you. You might not make it back her for days, or weeks (or maybe not at all).

SophieB

Hang in techno..Drinking that much and detoxing on your own and having 14 days in, that right there shows your strength . You do not want to go through that again Im sure. Really think about it.

Stay strong

Tamerua

Tecno, if you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. And we all know you can make it.

Tecnosphere

Thank you all for the help. He passed at 8pm.I did not and will not let the demon out of the bottle. He hated my drinking, I was hoping to show up in a month and surprise him with my sobriety. Too late. I drank away the last years of our relationship. For anyone struggling, fighting relapse, remember how expensive those drinks are, but that nothing is as expensive as regret. Thank you for all of the kind words.

SereneEdition

Hi Tecnosphere -

Sorry to hear about your circumstances & way to hang in there.

Perhaps you got sober just in time. Looking ahead, your Mom is really going to need you in the next coming months - this will be a critical time in the relationship for you to be able to me there for her, something that you can't do if you pick up again.

I sense I tremendous amount of clarity in your last post - the opportunity for you to help your mother out sober would make your grandfather proud - even more so than you surprising him with one month. Really, I can't think of a better gift than looking leaving our loved ones in good hands.

Best to you and your family.

Mizzuno

I am sorry for your loss. We are here for you.

SoberKat9

So sorry for your loss.

Hang in there. I am dealing with the death of my grandmother right now (service is tomorrow) and I have had moments where I thought about drinking (especially since other family members have been). But it's not worth it - it won't make me feel better, just worse.

Wishing you all the best in this difficult time.