blueeyedlady

Last week, I received an email from a dear friend telling me how sorry she was to hear about my daughter and that she would pray for me and my family. I was at work at a new job. I quickly googled my daugher's name and there it was. She was arrested on two counts, intent to distribute heroine and possession of 79 bags of heroine residue and three syringes. I couldn't even breathe. I left work and went home and cried. Her arrest had been two days prior. Her father did not let me know. I had preplanned a vacation and was leaving the next day. We did not cancel it and went. I just got back. My daughters scarred and acne stained face was all over the news, a topic of radio morning shows. My other two children are heart broken and angry. So, my husband attended al anon today. I'm just too broken hearted to be able to go right now. My daughter feels we should go to the jail and visit with her. I don't think I can do that right now. We have heard that she wants outpatient rehab of course. And her boyfriend called my son last night at work to ask for his signature to bail her out of jail. We have never met him and he was threatening to my son. We only know that he has a police record and that he resides about 45 miles away from us. So, I need some advice on what to do first. This is already causing some dissension in our family as everyone has their own view on whether to visit her, whether to contact her attorney, whether to be in contact with her father (who seems to be reveling in the fact that he's the one in contact with her and the source of any information right now). Any advice would be appreciated.

deeker

Love her unconditionally, she is probably in the worst emotional pain ever. let her know how much you love her.

2granddaughters

How old is your daughter ? Does she have priors ?

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

I'm sorry you are going through this situation.

My suggestion is to create some boundaries that will protect you. You might like to check out the Friends & Families forums on this board.

cleareyes

Many ((HUGS)) to you.

friskme

I would go and visit her at least once to express your emotional support as well as any other feelings you want to express or share with her. I agree with Anna, before you visit figure out what you want to say and set boundaries for yourself.

blueeyedlady

My daughter is 23 years old. She has had many traffic violations and at least one possession of marijuana charge but I don't know how that turned out. She has not lived with me since she was 14 and I have tried not to participate in any of her drama. I have helped her when she went to college for one semester and I see her about 2-3 times a year. We talk on the phone monthly. But, I don't ever discuss her drug use with her. I've kept a distance in recent years.

2granddaughters

She is God's child. God will be there for her when/if she asks.

Are you a member of Al-Anon? That's where your answers will lie. In the 12 Steps of Al-Anon.

All the best.

Bob R

Pondlady

I can't say if you should , or should not visit her, but I agree with Anna. I'd think about what you're willing to do, or not do, if she should ask for your help. I'm sorry for your heartache and hope she can turn her life around.

least

I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to offer a hug.

neferkamichael

Please do not let the threating boyfriend any where near your home or vechiles, do not give him any money for any reason, and if things get worse write her off and be done with it. Im hoping for the best for all of you.

Hevyn

Welcome Blueeyedlady. I'm glad you came here for advice and suggestions. I do agree that visiting our Friends and Family Forum will be a big help - those people have been through the same sort of thing that you're facing.

I'm sorry you're in pain over this - I hope it helps to be able to discuss it here. Let us know how you're doing.

blueeyedlady

I ended up writing her a letter. I let her know how much I love her and let her know that we have many memories of the past. I guess it's hard to actually go see her right now because she hasn't wanted me. I know she hasn't turned the corner yet as well. And, I have so much anger right now. I'm not sure I could see her anyway. There is some time. She's only been to court for the lesser offense and this is going to drag out for a bit. I'm afraid that if she ends up making bail, she will overdose. My heart feels like it's been ripped from my chest. But, I have my other two children nearby who are also hurting. And my husband is very supportive. We haven't heard from any friends or family so it's a bit isolating as well.

TryingHarder

I think your letter writing is a great idea. She will be able to read and hopefully absorb the fact that you do love her and care about her.

As far as friends go, they probably have no idea what to say to you so they're afraid to call or visit. Normal human reactions I think.

I'm so sorry your family is dealing with this.

Trinidad

I am so sorry for your pain, so difficult to keep moving forward with this loadstone tied to your heart. I would suggest having dinners and gatherings with your other children- so you all can get the family support you all need right now. You can get feelings out and hear each other.

Take care of yourself too- be kind to yourself. Don't stop writing the letters, even if you don't send them. Pray-