The only reason I am sober today is because...
 

Hello everyone,

For years I have tried to quit drinking, to moderate my drinking, to plan on going into rehab only to have excuse after excuse as to why I a can't.

For years I have prayed for strength, for control, for I dare say, higher intervention.

Well, that time has come. Last week I lost my wallet, and unfortunately I am on assignment in New Mexico, yes, New Mexico. I have been here for about 3-4 months, and have regular stores I go to to purchase my drink of choice. Because I am a scared someone will notice how often I purchase my drinks, I try to hit up my different stores on certain days, you know regularly.

Well, for some reason, each place has carded me, even though I have been going there for a while. No one will sell me anything, hell I even got carded for cigarettes, even though I am damned near 40.

At first I laughed, at the situation, at the timing, at the fact that I never loose my wallet, just DAMN. Then day 2 came, then 3, 4, finally a week. Still waiting on my replacement license to come and its been a week. Soooo, I am sober by force, not by my own courage or strength. (Not yet that person standing in the shadows of the store waiting to ask someone to buy for me)

The thing is, when I get my license, will I stay sober or go back? I am terrified to get my license. I look in my mailbox and breath a sigh of relief when its not there, then become pissed because its not. But, lately I have been doing different things outside my little box I have created of isolation because of my drinking. I hated to go out to drink of fear of DUI, or worse, so I just would stay at home. But now, I am starting to feel alive again, to want to get out and do things, but at the same time I, i don't know, miss the drink, the false sense of freedom, peace I felt with it.

I don't know. Thanks for listening.

sounds to me like maybe you want to give sobriety a try?
why not? :)

There's plenty of support here - even after you get your licence back :)

welcome dhejia!

D

Only solution: when your new license arrives in the mail, just immediately burn it.

Kidding! Welcome to the forums! Like I've heard a lot lately around here, the fact you've decided to join is a big step. There are so many resources here, if you can try to stay sober that might be awesome for you. I hope things go well!
:dance8:

Welcome to SR, dhejia, this is a great and lifesaving place! Like Dee suggested, why not give sobriety a try? Maybe pretend you didn't get you license whenever it comes, or conveniently forget to take it with you when you go out. Sounds like you're rediscovering a life you are enjoying, why not give it a go?

Thanks for sharing. Hey if you go to an AA meeting, that where I find out the same stories.. I use to go to different stores, so hey they don't know. I thought someone was reading my mind. Hiding my drinks in the house as well. Anyway thanks for sharing and if you feel good now, don't go back.

As I was watching CNN a lady ran 52 marathons in 52 weeks.

You can do what ever you want if you really want it. Take care.

Welcome dhejia!

I can relate to the isolation..... the more I drank, the smaller my world got. I think when we get to the point where we can't imagine life without alcohol, something's not right. It took me a while to admit my problem and get sober, but it's the best thing I ever did.

Hope you stick around and keep reading - we know what it's like...:wavey:

This sounds to me like something that was meant to happen. The Universe felt that you needed a little nudge in the right direction and therefore you're in this situation. Don't let this opportunity go by. You have a taste of sobriety and you seem to like it.

Thanks for the support. No AA for me. Not there yet. All I can do is try at this point. Just scared of failure. But I will keep on this site for inspiration and support.

I'd also say just stay with it, see how it goes after a few weeks or months. Give your body and mind a chance to get back to normal functioning. I got sober over three years ago and it's been awesome.:) I love living sober!