I think I might have a problem.
 

Thought I've been sleepwalking. Did some stupid stuff. Four nights ago I ripped the sheets off the bed, told my wife she wasn't good enough to sleep there, flipped a coffee table over, cursed her up and down. I snapped out of it when I saw her on the ground wailing by the coffee table. Most of the time I don't snap out. This was the worst one. I am not a violent person. She said my 5 year old was clutching his teddy bear asking why I was yelling.

I love them. I'm a normal guy. I am successful. I punched a kid in defense when I was 14 - last time I was in a fight! What has happened?

Was that a blackout or sleep walking? I may have had 5-6 liquor drinks. I must have gotten out of my recliner after sleeping for an hour or so.

I am scared to death. I can't imagine my son going through that. My wife planned this huge weekend for my birthday. I can't even face her to tell her how much I don't deserve it and I really don't want to go.

I know, if I have to ask... Probably yes.

Is it the alcohol? I feel like I want to drink right now. I don't know why. It's wierd it's been 4 days now and I crave it like a cigarette.

Now I am an insomniac. Anyway. No more late night facebook posts I regret. No wondering if I did something bad. No humiliating events the last 4 nights.

This is going to be really tough. I'm 34 and I've been drinking since I was 17, every night. I quit for 8 months some 2 years ago.

I don't like being me anymore. I want to be someone respectable like my dad was, for my wife and children.

Anyway. Can't sleep. I probably sound like a whiney baby so I'll try to find something to do this late other than drink myself into a blackout if that's what is happening.

Sorry for the post. Been kinda short on friends and family. Later folks.

Hi Stryped. I wish I could help, but I can tell you I understand. I've only got 6 days, so I know how you feel. I'm 37 and have been at it since I was 15.

I can't sleep either.

Good for you for wanting to act like the good person it sounds like you are.

Many of us here have done things while we were drunk that we don't remember.

If you are really worried about these events, you should see your doctor and ask for help to quit drinking.

I hear you , i had a similiar post ,Im a little older than you and also quit for 8 months some 3 years ago now , punched holes in walls ,threw others belongings out into the street ,held a knife to my neck asking people to go ahead and push it in ..yes its the alcohol and you gotta quit ,its tough at first , im only on day 11 after going 29,15 , 10 days already this year before binging for a few days , i feel like this is my last time and im gonna stick with it this time. I dont like being myself either ,staying in bed and cursing myself out all day ..it sucks ..and being sober is boring at the start , real boring ,but it beats being that jerk that scares your family and hating yourself ..stick it out ,those first 4-5 days are pure Hell ,and yes you will hardly sleep ,but after that initial hell the days start getting better ,hang tough

Welcome to SR, Stryped!

Insomnia is a common symptom of alcohol withdrawal. I went through it every time I tried to quit, and honestly it was the #2 reason I would go back to drinking (#1 being that I liked the effects of alcohol). It will go away with time.

Look, you may have been sleepwalking or you may have been in a blackout. I doubt that matters because it sounds like this behavior only happens when you drink. I too woke up and did things in the middle of the night that I did not remember and regretted later.

It says a lot about your father that you see him as a role model. Do you want your son to feel the same way about you someday? Continuing on your current path will almost guarantee the opposite.

Keep posting and reading. You will find a lot of help and support here. Good luck!

Hi Stryped.

It's possible you have a sleep disorder. does this ever happen if you've not been drinking or using drugs/medicines? If not, I would be inclined to believe its the alcohol. Many people get violent or do things they never would do while sober once under the influence.

If you can't quit drinking, you might want to get some help to do so. Stick around, read the stickies at the top of the forums. Lots of good advice and support here!

Love from Lenina

Thanks folks. This sucks. It feels like someone just told me how the universe works and I've been living a lie.

I was googling blackout stories and ran across a post from 2005 on this site. That for the first time pretty much summed it up for me. It's a heck a of a realization.

My God. My God. My God. I'm my own worst nightmare. I'm that guy.

Therein lies the problem. I wouldn't know if it has happened when I was sober. :(

Worst part is... I'm actually slowly starting to feel emotion when I come off the ADHD meds. That's why I drank. To feel emotion. Now I'm slowly starting to realize that maybe I don't need it.

And how's this for a killer. I have something called "Hemochromatosis". Main problem is liver damage with this disorder. I get checked every year. I guess I'll stop before I get that bad news that will eventually come if I don't.

Maybe eventually I'll get some likes on Facebook again, lol. :rotate:

Well, you WERE that guy. You've made a great start by joining here. I'm 50, my wife and I quit drinking 143 days ago, we go to AA and NA meetings.

:welcome

Well I guess it's a good thing I switched over to being a Methodist. I think they have AA meetings at my church. I can't imagine going to one. I'm one of those who will choke on his pride.

I need to start back on my old hobbies.

I quit for 8 months. Went on vacation. Baaaaack I went. At least I know it's possible. I guess. I need something to knock me out. I can't stand this. I had antibiotic and steroid shots today too. Must be why it's worse.

Thanks. Really. Thank you. I'm going to attempt to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.

Hi Stryped,
Hope you got some sleep.
Here's what i picked up:
1) You had a horrible episode, and you can't believe it was you who did those things.
2) You're embarrassed and uncertain how your spouse feels about all this.
3) You are just realizing that you cannot control alcohol.
4) You are trying to keep up appearances, but you also realize that you have to change.
5) Your mind is overwhelmed with
(a) the detox from alcohol
(b) the embarrassment
(c) the fear of what to do
(d) uncertainty of who you can trust in discussing this
(e) uncertainty of how to live each minute because the coping mechanism of alcohol can't be used.

If that's true, then you are in a very fragile situation.

I'm unable to figure out the best thing for you to do, i'm not close enough to the situation, and i don't know your family and work environment, and i don't know your personality.
But my impression is that you're very very stressed, and your mind is working very very fast. And that can add more problems.
So, one set of actions for you to consider is:
1) You cannot change the past. Try to Emotionally accept the situation, and when your mind starts trying to go over past events, try to stop that thinking.
2) Don't drink at all for 30 days. Alcohol is very harmful in stressful situations. It is not a mental, calming escape. It actually creates anger, frustration and despondency 24 hours after the final drink. Alcohol like a credit card purchase. You will have to pay it back, and with a high interest charge. And your situation is worsened once a few days pass.
3) Take a walk each and every day. Your body is stressed and agitated and wants escape. A walk helps alleviate that.
4) Eat well. Buy V8, GoLean bars, multivitamins, 8 Grain bread, tomatos, carrots, turkey. Drink lots of water. Drink Gatorade. One reason your mind won't give you rest is because your body has a lot of toxins in it. (This is the "paying back your past alcohol intake is like paying off your credit card." )
5) Educate yourself on this. Read the "Best of SoberRecovery" at the bottom of these forums. Read the many stories others like you have written. Read a book like "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp, or Pete Hamill's book. You'll realize that millions of us have been in a similar (and worse) situation as you, and that it can get better. But it won't get better unless you make definate, concrete behavioral changes.
Go on Wikipedia.org and read about the many people who died from alcoholism.
Watch a DVD like "Flight".
6) Go to an AA meeting. Let others show you the way out of this confusing house of mirrors.

You need to expect that your emotions will be everywhere. You'll be angry, frustrated, frightened, confused, euphoric, despondent. Expect that. That the interest payments for past alcohol use.
It takes time to work through this.

I know it's hard.
Taking actual steps, like buying good food, taking walks, reading will help calm you down, and is the first steps to getting out of this.

Best of luck.
Keep posting EVERYDAY. SoberRecovery is a wonderful community of people who care about you, and want to give back because those before us gave so much to help us (RIP CarolD).

Wow AcceptingChange, that was one of the most thoughtful, caring, cogent post I've seen.
Styped,
I hope you follow through with the advice you've been given because things can only get better once you decide you have to stop drinking.

We're all pulling for you! Please keep us informed with how you're doing.

Great post by AcceptingChange. Wow that was good.

Welcome to the forum pal. I am around your age and also had some very weird moments while sleeping. Sometimes I woke my ex-gf up in the bed because I was swearing, or making weird noises. I also got into some blind drunk arguments at night, sent drunk texts to other women, etc. Every morning I woke up wondering what I'd done the night before, it was never pretty. I was very, very sick with all of those alcoholic toxins built into my system, it affected me mentally and physically. It took me a while to dig out of this hole, but it starts and ends with SOBRIETY. You are in the right place to get started.

:welcome to a great place for support and useful info. You can be that person you want to be, but you've got to stop drinking and give yourself a chance to change. You can do this! :)

AcceptingChange that is one of the most amazing, generous and thoughtful posts I have EVER read on this forum.

Stryped, follow that lead...brilliant advice.

It's EXACTLY what I would have needed to hear and act upon 2 years ago.

You can do it mate.

Welcome Stryped!

It takes courage to accept we have a problem and reaching out for help is the best thing you can do. We know how hard it is to make this change and are here to support you.

Be patient with yourself (and get medical help if you're having withdrawals). I think you'll be amazed at the positive changes that come from being sober, so hang in there and give it time - it really does get better.:welcome