Change4good

Tomorrow is my birthday. I lost my twin brother not long ago, and didn't do the bereavement work that is necessary to keep myself healthy. I just wanted the pain to stop today.

I offer this to others. . .please take care of your mental health. Do the work you need to (counseling, etc.) to build or maintain your personal resilience. Otherwise, you are more vulnerable to relapse than you might realize.

At least this is true for me.

Elisabeth888

Are you taking care to stop the cycle?

Change4good

If by cycle you mean realizing what led to the relapse, and recommitting to sobriety, then yes.

hypochondriac

I am sorry you lost your brother and I hope you get back on track soon. Alcohol only delays the pain we have to go through eventually anyway x

Change4good

Thank you, and intellectually, I know that alcohol delays pain, and doesn't make it go away. Emotionally, I rejected what I know, and sought relief.

Natom

A lot of people say relapse as a very negative step in a persons recovery. I found relapse positive in mine. They provide a great learning experience. My last relapse was what prompted me to put 100% into my sobriety. It also allowed me to figure out what I triggered on and what issues I had that I desperately needed to work on. It sounds like you know what you need to do so I just wish you the best of luck.

Natom.

Hevyn

I agree - my last relapse caused the end of my drinking career. I finally stopped using it to get numb & avoid dealing with life. I understand how you felt, Change - wanting the pain to stop. I did it hundreds of times, but it backfires on us.

I'm sorry your brother has passed on, Change. I hope you will continue to build a good and healthy life for yourself - I'm sure he would want that. Glad you told what happened and are getting back on track.

Change4good

Thank you friends. It was nice to see responses from those I know and appreciate. This addiction thing is tricky, when everyone thinks you are doing well and are just fine. Hell, my boss just gave me a raise and told me what a fantastic job I am doing.

But my friends here know differently, and I appreciate your wise counsel and support.

Sasha4

I'm sorry you lost your twin brother.
I just want you to know I am thinking of you and care about you.

XXXX

Coldfusion

Change for good, you are awesome to be thinking of sobriety at a time like this.

Please stick around here, it helps. Give yourself sobriety as a birthday present!

Pondlady

Change,
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your twin brother, and I'm sure you're thinking of him on your birthday.

Thank you for the reminder to be vigilant of our mental health. Take care and keep in touch.

Dee74

I'm sorry again for your loss C4G.

May this year be the last year you get blindsided by this - do whatever positive steps you need to take to deal with your loss, because ultimately you deserve to treat yourself better

D

mds1212

I am so sorry. I am the
father of twin boys And i can't imagine your pain. I Am so sorry for your loss.

least

Weasel1966

I like the tone of self awareness you have. A key ingredient to success for many things in life. Self nurturing is not always obvious. Glad you see it and are taking care.

My very best to you!

Ken

LoftyIdeals

Change4Good...you have my heart and prayers on this birthday. I cant imagine the pain of the loss of your brother. But I do realize the pain of relapse. I am only 18 days from a 5.5 month relapse after 13 sober months. During those 5.5 months, I slowly spun back out of control, until I was where I had been 19 months ago. Then, I had a sort of psychotic break that sent me packing.

I feel the sadness of your loss in your post. But, as a father of boy/girl twins who just turned 16 last week, and as a man who just turned 50 two days ago, and as a recent relapser, I offer the following. Please find and recognize, in your grief, the hope that you have in sobriety. You can honor your brother and yourself best by living out your life and dreams soberly, in a healthful way. And, you will best be able to squarely face the mortality we all share by living in sobriety as well. For people like us, its the only sane way. Its as though we are blessed and cursed simultaneously, but we hold in our hands the means to choose which we will receive. I pray you will choose the perspective of happiness, which is most achievable through sober living. Peace to you on this bittersweet birthday.

forabetterlife

So sorry about the loss of your brother, Change. I cannot imagine how painful it must be for you.

I think your comparison between what we know about alcohol intellectually and how we feel about it (want it) emotionally is right on target. We know that it won't solve what we think (emotionally) that it will solve, we know how it ALWAYS turns out- eventually (self-hate, shame, physical pain), but yet somehow that's not enough to keep us from craving it. For me, it has taken my many relapses to be able to analyze my feelings about alcohol, maybe not make sense of them, but see them for what they are and figure out a way to deal with those moments where what I WANT is just not the right thing. Anyway, none of us are glad we relapse, but you are here again which means you haven't given up.

And addiction is tricky, especially when it is our own little secret. When those around us think we are doing wonderfully and know nothing of our addiction, it's just one more reason to continue drinking...why not - no one else seems to think its a bad thing or is affecting us negatively. But we know, and we know we can feel and do so much better.

Change4good

Thanks everyone. I had a bit of radio silence this past weekend, but I am back on track, working hard at it.

Your thoughts and advice are appreciated.

least

That's what we're here for.