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Day 1 anxiety

Old 03-22-2013, 01:18 PM
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Day 1 anxiety

Just wondering if anyone experiences the following and how they deal with it:

It's my first day so obviously I know my head is going to be all over the place but all I can think of is all the stupid, embarrassing and humiliating things I did whilst drunk - and there were MANY!

Thinking about it makes me feel guilty and ashamed, I even have a sick feeling as I'm going through the morning after all of those nights before and when people had told me what I'd done.

My question is, do you go through this? How do you deal with it? Do you just accept it and try to move on? And does it ever fade?
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Old 03-22-2013, 01:27 PM
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I had really crazy anxiety the first couple days. Try to keep calm and remember that it's a physical process. Your body is feeling stress and anxiety, and your mind is searching for a reason. The reaction is totally out of proportion to the reality.

Try and separate from it, the way that you would from a friend who's hysterical and drunk. I'm sure you've been there, right? "Sweetie, I hear you, but let's talk about this when you're sober." Try to say the same thing to yourself. I kind of mentally divide myself into Rational Me and Anxious Me. "I know you think this is important, and maybe it is, but we're going to address it when we're not going through withdrawal."

And then, instead of focusing on the reasons, focus on the physical sensations that you're feeling rather than the mental activity. For me anxiety always registers as a tightening of the sternum. So rather than focus on the mental justifications, I focus on that tight feeling and try to breathe into it and relax it.

If you're like me, Anxious You will feel like you MUST think about all of those things you're worried about, the things you did that embarrassed you. You don't! Anxious You thinks those things are a tiger in the room and you need a plan. But it's not prehistoric times anymore, and you are not currently in a condition to be planning even for minor tigers.

Thinking about that stuff right now will do nothing except torture you. Once you're calm, you can think about them and decide if you need to do anything, like apologize or win back someone's respect. But right now, just don't get yourself into that spiral. Get a book, turn on the TV, and give yourself a pass to turn your brain off.
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Old 03-22-2013, 01:28 PM
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I think this is really common Panache. I remember posting about regrets quite early on in my sobriety. I don't think there is a magic way of dealing with it. But it definitely fades. The pride of being sober soon replaces any feelings of embarrassment x
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Old 03-22-2013, 01:55 PM
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Thanks so much for both of your replies. I know that's going to be something which I am going to have to work on, but like you have quite rightly said, now is not the time. I'm going to have to learn to just focus on the now whilst I'm in the early stages of withdrawal.

It's just tough when you've drank to mask all these feelings and they all come at you like a tidal wave and you try to deal with them!

As always thank you for your continued support, never in my wildest dreams did I think, by choice, I'd be sober on a Friday night.
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Old 03-22-2013, 01:57 PM
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Panache, cut yourself a break. You are on day 1, it's Friday, and you are simply trying to stay sober. Just try to think about things that will help keep you that way. If you keep it up, you'll have plenty of time to think about all of that garbage. I know, I have a lot of garbage too. But I'll tell you this, I was on day 1 four days ago, and I feel waaaay better today than I did then. And it's only 4 days later. My anxiety level has probably been cut in half already. I feel more confident because I'm not walking around with a hangover, basically I have nothing to hide today. Physically, I feel 5 times better, I even exercised today. Believe me, if you make it through the weekend, Monday you will probably already feel much better. At least I do.

That being said, I can't promise I won't be back on here in a couple of hours craving my ass off. But the cravings have already have gone down. Hang in there and they will for you too. I think a lot of what I was going through was withdrawal, and I think I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (at least as far as withdrawals go). Good luck this weekend
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:00 PM
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Mirage thank you so much. I know I need to give myself a break here, but just at that moment I thought "what if this never subsides how will I deal with it?". After reading the posts and watching some TV I feel tonnes better! Just knowing that people have been there and have now found some inner peace is encouraging.

Getting through the weekend would be a miracle for me - a miracle which is going to happen
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:01 PM
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I sympathise entirely Panache, having those moments play themselves over and over in your mind is awful isn't it? As others have said, I think it's important to cut yourself some slack and not get too overwhelmed by the memories.

Personally I try and make them useful (once I can get past the humiliated feeling) and turn them into reasons never to drink again; no point giving ourselves reason to feel even worse is there?

Day one will be over soon enough and then you'll be well on your way into Day 2 xx
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:06 PM
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I think you having a sober mind has opened up a gap, A space that has traditionally been flooded with alcohol. Now suddenly the gap is not being chemically filled, so your mind if finding things to fill it with. Nature abhors a vacuum. It's only natural you have regrets from the past, and they'll not magically disappear, but you'll develop an acceptance about them a little bit at a time. One day you'll look back and see the old you as a totally different person and feel that you have lived two lives. Happy days ahead!
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:06 PM
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For me the first two weeks my mind was a ball of anxiety thinking of all the stupid stuff I had done the past 8 years. I'm a month and a half sober and I feel good, I'm not as anxious and I'm not constantly going over the stupid stuff I did while drunk. Now I'm looking forward to knowing that I am in control of my actions. Glad you are here! Sober recovery has helped me a lot!
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:11 PM
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Yes. I think that's normal. In my case, I took pain meds. My first couple of days sober, I felt immense guilt and shame specially guilt for all I had done to my wonderful bf. I took pills from him (he has a bad back), I took money from him, I dissapointed him in so many ways...It was very hard to deal with those feelings. Just know that they will pass. After week 1, I felt a lot better. Now, at week 2, I get strength from the guilt. I make it into a positive thing by telling myself that I will NEVER do that to my bf (or anyone) again! He's still here and I'm grateful for it. I try to make it up to him everyday and he knows I love him and that person who did those things was not me. Good Luck!
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:11 PM
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It will fade as each sober day passes. It does get better, I promise!!!!!
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:27 PM
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Thank you all so much for your advice and support, I will be visiting this thread often just to reread the advice you've provided here. To chill my mind out a little and know that people are going/have been through it.

Again early days and I'm probably going to go through some dark clouds with withdrawal, but just knowing you guys are here makes me feel more than equipped to cope with it all and not give up.
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:29 PM
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I totally understand how you're feeling. I had no pink cloud either, just a lot of grey. It was really hard for me to deal with the messes I'd made with my family, really hard. The main thing is to not let the negative feelings bring you down. It might help if you journal for awhile. I eventually started to do that and it helped a lot.

Be kind to yourself and know that you're on the right track.
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:37 PM
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Yes Anna that's a worry, that I'm going to let the negative override the positive and AV will perk up and tell me a drink will make me feel better about my situation - well not this time pal!

I'm going to stay close to the board, act on all your advice and not let the guilt get to me. I think the notion that the pride from getting sober is going to override this negative mindset is something which is encouraging to me.
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:44 PM
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Hi Panache. First, YES it fades. Please don't think those memories will haunt you forever. I was so upset with myself that I almost started up drinking again just to turn off my thoughts. When I first came to SR, people warned me that I needed to let go of the past or I'd remain on square one.

Guilt, remorse, regret - don't go there, Panache. Rise above it and reach out for your new life. You're going to make this work.
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:51 PM
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Hevyn thank you for that, I know what you mean about starting up drinking to stop the thoughts. I guess it's just something I need to work on, but not get too obsessed over - whoops, there's my addictive nature again!

The last sentence was positively brilliant. I feel empowered by that, I WILL make it work
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:58 PM
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I would also feel a bit of relief too Panache.

Know that from now on you will NEVER do or say anything you regret or feel ashamed of again as a result of drinking.
There will be no more opening your eyes and groaning trying to remember.
No mad dash to check your phone/email for what you wrote or who you rang etc.

As long as you don't pick up that first drink, you won't be getting drink again.

That must be something to smile about?!
It still makes me smile 402 days later!
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Old 03-22-2013, 03:05 PM
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402 days, what an achievement!

It is something to smile about, not having to wake up and think "how did I get home? What happened?" will be HEAVEN. Why didn't I think of this before rather than putting myself through living hell thinking I was doing myself a favour!
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Old 03-22-2013, 03:12 PM
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I think for me it was because I believed the lies alcohol told me.

That it would give me more confidence when networking at work.
That it would help make socialising easier.
If I had something to drink, I would be better at conversation.
At parties I would not stick out like a sore thumb, I would blend in.

The fact is it did none of that.
If anything it made me stand out even more, because I was so drunk.

Deal with the past later, start putting some sober time together first.

xx
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Old 03-22-2013, 03:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Panache View Post
Just wondering if anyone experiences the following and how they deal with it:

It's my first day so obviously I know my head is going to be all over the place but all I can think of is all the stupid, embarrassing and humiliating things I did whilst drunk - and there were MANY!

Thinking about it makes me feel guilty and ashamed, I even have a sick feeling as I'm going through the morning after all of those nights before and when people had told me what I'd done.

My question is, do you go through this? How do you deal with it? Do you just accept it and try to move on? And does it ever fade?
I get this every morning after a night of drinking. Sometimes I've done really stupid stuff, sometimes I haven't... When I was younger, I used to get super drunk on occasion, do something stupid and then swear off drinking. Usually in a week or two, I wasn't as embarassed by the insident, and would start drinking again. Later in life, I drank to cope with the anxiety of dealing with the stupid stuff I did the night before.

Honestly, everyone does really stupid stuff whether drunk or sober. All the time. Unfortunately during detox your nerves are shot too, so it feels a million times worse than it actually is (even if it IS really bad, it still feels a million times worse than REALLY BAD) ....

Give yourself a few days, It will pass. If its overwhelming, go to a Dr, and you might need something for anxiety.

Accept it, move on, forgive yourself, understand everyone makes mistakes especially drunks, and there is hope for you because you feel bad about things you've done, you have the motivation to not do them anymore, unlike many. And it does fade.... thank God
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