zorah

i've been sober for about 7 months. i go to aa meetings cuz there's so many near by and without that i would not last long. my sponsor is a caring supportive person. but oh my god, the last 2 months have been a long growing agony of loneliness. i have friends and loved ones, but feel disconnected from everyone. i suppose alcohol shielded me from what was there all the time? i didn't know--or maybe i forgot--how isolated i am inside. there is a robot woman on the surface saying things and doing things, but she has little to do with the woman inside. i feel like i'm split in pieces. did you all feel that? people say to call others from meetings but right now, the phone is too heavy. that's when i remembered SR. how did you deal with this loneliness? it's Friday and just thinking of the night makes me shake. if i didn't have a dog i would not be able to go home to an empty apartment. thanks for listening.


zorah

Mizzuno

Hello Zorah. It sounds to me like you are going through some sort of depression. Sometimes we might need a little help from our doctor or alternative medicine. Do you exercise? Do you go out and have fun?

Grymt

Have you thought of some kind of creative activity. Art for example.
It is possible, it works for some, to for example paint their feelings. You can feel them by and while doing something expressive. Sculpture perhaps? Drawing, whatever, perhaps something you were once interested in?

2granddaughters

I found that an AA buddy (or two) was so important for me in the first few years. They kept me coming when I wanted to quit... I kept them coming when they wanted to quit.

We go through some VERY painful times in AA. Yesterday, at the meeting, , one of the oldtimers said that "growth" has "OW !!" right in the middle.

The oldtimers are so important because they keep me grounded and "On the beam" when I'm hurting .... when I'm hurting I want to change things, like the program isn't working right, and start driving the bus myself (which is what got me to AA in the first place)

If you are doing the simple basics of AA (going to meetings regularly, talking with your sponsor and the oldtimers, reading literature, helping the newcomer, and praying regularly for strength & direction) you will be fine.

We will go through pain in our recovery .. it's inevitable but the trick is "don't give up just before the miracle happens"... and it will. It does for all AAs who work and trust.

Ask God, with all the humility you can muster, what you should do next and you will shortly be moved to action.

All the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

Maybe it's time to pick up that 500 pound phone and call someone. I know when I did, the world was a bit brighter. I could talk with someone I had met at a meeting and gain a new perspective. I could honestly share how I felt. I started to make friends. Life started to open up. Working those steps also helped immensely.

Is it time to start working the program of action and recovery now?

Big hugs & love sent to you!

quitforme79

I too have a great supportive sponser & caring friends in and out of the rooms BUT I am lonely at times. I live alone too & my cat has kept me sane on my real lonely days. I'm looking for hobbies I enjoy. Do you have things you can do that you like? You're not alone

Ceci

Hi Zorah,
Your loneliness may be because there are still doors that separate you from those that care. Those doors protect your heart, but also insulate you from being able to give and receive love. Begin every day by knowing that you are truly not alone, because the world is waiting for you my dear. Instead, pray from your soul that your heart opens and releases the pain it's been carrying, which keeps you with a closed heart.
Pray with faith to God. Ask Him to show you the way, to help you feel His presence always, especially in the midst of your loneliness .
God bless you, and thank you for taking the step towards recovery. Stay string, the enemy will try to weaken you so you could use again, but only have faith and commitment, God will fight with you.

God bless,
Ceci

MeSoSober

Zorah, if you are well enough, how about VOLUNTEERING? It may be a way for you make new friends but at the very least it will bring you into contact with other people, people who need you, and will serve as a source of personal fulfillment that allows you to feel useful and needed and grateful.

You live in Chicago -- you could try craigslist, which has a Volunteers section under the Community section.

I recently signed up and was approved to become a volunteer visitor for a local senior citizen -- someone with limited support and independence who I can provide company for, do things with, allow to get out of her house or apartment. I only had to commit to an hour a week.

There's a whole world of people out there who need you, in whose lives YOU could make a huge difference:

chicago volunteers classifieds - craigslist

360shoes

Hi Zorah,
Do you have a good family doctor you can talk too? I know that I had anxiety issues before, during, and after getting sober and I had to get additional help for that. I think Mizzuno has a valid point to consider. I know how hard it can be to try to do things to help make yourself feel better when you feel so depressed. It's hard to start. I had to be very very honest with my doctor about my drinking so that she could help me determine what was part of recovery and what was an underlining medical issue. My sobriety is priority so I'm not opposed to at least asking a medical professional about it. That's what they are there for.

I hate to see anyone suffer and sometimes it isn't always alcohol related but sometimes it is. I think I would ask my doctor.

I hope you get to feeling better and try to remember you aren't alone...it just feels that way right now.

doggonecarl

Congrats of seven months sober and working your recovery.

I remember growing up, if I was sad my mom would tell me to go outside or watch a funny movie to cheer up. She didn't understand my problem, didn't really know how to help, but as a mom felt compelled to offer some advice.

I kind of feel the same way responding to your post. I don't know what to say, but want to say something. So I will say I hope you work your way out of this despair. As someone suggested, it may take a professional. I do know it hard to think yourself out of a funk.

All the best.

least

It may be depression, can you see your doctor for an evaluation? Quitting drinking didn't make my depression go away, but did make my meds for it work properly.

Congrats on your seven months sober!

Stash

I hope u feel better soon. I know its rough.

bigsombrero

I like Carl's post above and have to echo his thoughts, but I'll try anyway.

IMO don't fret about calling the AA folks, going to more meetings, etc - sometimes even that kind of thing just re-enforces our plight, illness, sickness, struggles, etc.

I have also struggled learning to live with my sobriety - mainly because the man I see in the mirror every day is a new person. A DIFFERENT person. Kinda spooky. Sometimes I think "how did this happen?" "who were you before this?" "did you waste your life?" -- I've found that instead of trying to put that square peg in a round hole, it's best to find a new life for myself. Where do I fit in now? That's the question that often spirals me into depression as well...

Start small. Like Carl said, sometimes it's tricky to give advice. Go for a walk - I just got back from a sunny morning walk here in Chicago, at least we have sun and it really helps me to get some exposure!!! I listen to BBC or NPR with my earbuds and just enjoy taking sober breaths. You'll figure it out - don't let this episode bring you down. Watch the NCAA tournament.

You're sober! You're making adjustments! You'll make it through this!

Dee74

It's good to see you again Zorah tho I'm sad you're feeling low.
There a ton of great ideas here tho I'm wondering have you seen a Dr?

It seems like a good thing to do, to me.

D

fitmindgirl

I know how you feel. 7 months is such a great accomplishment! The loneliness is part of recovery. But, you can start to reconnect with loved ones when you're ready. Start slow...Perhaps by posting something funny on your facebook/twitter every day. Than, if you get any responses, comment back. After a while, you can message people individually with small "talk" like "I noticed your did this/that or you saw this movie, how did you like it" then, progress from there. This was how I started reconnecting with loved ones. Just a thought. But honestly, at the end of the day, just remember that you are NOT alone. We're all here for you. HUGS!

Richierich777

7 months is great. I have a dog myself and I do talk to him and he is my friend. Your meeting new friends right now on SR. Oh and remember don't ever feel lonely just get here and start chatting.

Anna

Good for you for 7 months sober!

I am with the others who suggest talking to your dr and wonder if you could be depressed? It might be something to look into.

I also wonder about balance in your life. Balance has been so important to me. Volunteering is an awesome idea. Do you have hobbies or activities that you enjoy? I really hope that you feel better.

zorah

Thanks everyone. I do see a psych and probably need my meds adjusted. Thanks for your encouragement and suggestions--I can use them. Your support really helps and makes me feel like I have people out there who know what I'm going through.

Blessings


Zorah

deeker

Hi Zora, so glad you found us. I think we can all relate to that lonely feeling. Alcoholism and addiction is a lonely disease that we suffer in all alone, but the good news is that you no longer have to do that ever again. Be alone.

Also I think in early recovery I felt seperated from others because I was still carrying around a lot of guilt for the past. I still do sometimes especially when I look at my son. But Zora I think the first year is tough because our feelings are coming back full force and we are not numbing them.

It'll be ok, it's good you are talking about them and not stuffing them inside. I agree with the doctor idea. I suffer from depression but when I stopped drinking my meds began to work real well too.

I know depression is tough and I know some depression you just can't think yourself out of. Mine was so bad I ended up in a nursing home. The great thing is that you are sober today so be good to yourself. that is a real accomplishment and 7 mo , well that's freakin awesome!