The Club
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
The Club
Ah. I knew I'd get here sooner or later. So I'm about 15 months sober now. Life is good.
I'm meeting with old friends for dinner tonight. One of them is still into clubbing and partying all night long. She's visiting from out of town. The rest of us, well, one quit drinking like me, and the others are normies.
My husband likes to visit the club scene, but I lost interest years ago. I gained weight, and wrinkles, and don't really feel like hanging with 20 somethings. Heck, I'm 40 now!
Anyhoo, I talked to my husband about this because I feel it will probably come up at dinner. The partier is going to suggest we hit the club. My gut instinct is to say no. Say I have a terrible headache and have to go home.
I have no real reason to be at the club. Not a good reason anyway. And like stated above, I'm not really into it. The catch is, my husband is into it. I don't think he's been in a few years. So this would be a treat for him.
We are in separate cars - so I'm still considering going, dancing a bit, and then promptly leaving.
What do you all think?
p.s. - My obsession to drink is pretty much gone. I feel spiritually fit.
I'm meeting with old friends for dinner tonight. One of them is still into clubbing and partying all night long. She's visiting from out of town. The rest of us, well, one quit drinking like me, and the others are normies.
My husband likes to visit the club scene, but I lost interest years ago. I gained weight, and wrinkles, and don't really feel like hanging with 20 somethings. Heck, I'm 40 now!
Anyhoo, I talked to my husband about this because I feel it will probably come up at dinner. The partier is going to suggest we hit the club. My gut instinct is to say no. Say I have a terrible headache and have to go home.
I have no real reason to be at the club. Not a good reason anyway. And like stated above, I'm not really into it. The catch is, my husband is into it. I don't think he's been in a few years. So this would be a treat for him.
We are in separate cars - so I'm still considering going, dancing a bit, and then promptly leaving.
What do you all think?
p.s. - My obsession to drink is pretty much gone. I feel spiritually fit.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Hi Ready ~
Yeah, that was my gut instinct too. I don't want my husband to look like the jerk, the unsupportive husband to the alcholic wife (by him choosing to go to the club and me home) --- which is why I thought it'd be good to say I have a terrible headache.
I don't get the fascination with him, other than he's a guy and maybe this is his way of trying to hang onto his youth. Not that we are old. But he's always talking about getting old, whereas I just don't care and don't feel old.
Guys go to the club in jeans and t-shirts. Girls are expected to doll up, in tiny tight clothes and crazy high heels. I can no longer do any of that. Even if I could, at 40 I'd probably look ridiculous.
Thanks for posting!
Yeah, that was my gut instinct too. I don't want my husband to look like the jerk, the unsupportive husband to the alcholic wife (by him choosing to go to the club and me home) --- which is why I thought it'd be good to say I have a terrible headache.
I don't get the fascination with him, other than he's a guy and maybe this is his way of trying to hang onto his youth. Not that we are old. But he's always talking about getting old, whereas I just don't care and don't feel old.
Guys go to the club in jeans and t-shirts. Girls are expected to doll up, in tiny tight clothes and crazy high heels. I can no longer do any of that. Even if I could, at 40 I'd probably look ridiculous.
Thanks for posting!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
You'll be able to genuinely say you don't mind him going to the club-you just would prefer to go home, I'm sure he won't look bad because you mean what you say,if that makes sense 
I know just what you mean. I'd just feel old in a club and there's nothing worse than older women dressed as if they are teens. Wish I could still get into my teen dresses One of my friends had a brilliant figure even though she was well into her 50s. Unfortunately,she dressed as a teenager and gained the unfortunate nickname of 1664- she genuinely looked 16 from the back but when she turned round looked 64 
Hope you have a good night
I know just what you mean. I'd just feel old in a club and there's nothing worse than older women dressed as if they are teens. Wish I could still get into my teen dresses
One of my friends had a brilliant figure even though she was well into her 50s. Unfortunately,she dressed as a teenager and gained the unfortunate nickname of 1664- she genuinely looked 16 from the back but when she turned round looked 64 Hope you have a good night
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
HA! Thanks Ready. I agree with what you have said. Honestly, this just comes back to me knowing my story, knowing who I am, what I'm about. And keeping my sobriety the priority. I really don't feel I'd be "missing out" - I know exactly what it will be in the club. Same story, different people.
I think where my hesitation lies is with my husband. He said this morning, you never want to go! I said, well, yeah. If we were talking about one of our friends - "Do you think Bob will go to the club?" and he was an alcoholic, our resounding answer would be "heck no!" -- because alkies don't have any business in a night club. We just don't. Nothing good happens past 12AM.
Anyway, I think the real issue is my feelings about my husband and letting him down in a way. I guess I just have to remember that I'm sober now, I worked my tail off to get here, and it's most important. If I were to place my husband's needs ahead of my own, I would eventually lose my husband (whatever you put in front of your sobriety...)
So, I suppose I already knew the answer! Just curious as to what others thought.
And your friend, yikes! I'd like to age gracefully.
I think where my hesitation lies is with my husband. He said this morning, you never want to go! I said, well, yeah. If we were talking about one of our friends - "Do you think Bob will go to the club?" and he was an alcoholic, our resounding answer would be "heck no!" -- because alkies don't have any business in a night club. We just don't. Nothing good happens past 12AM.
Anyway, I think the real issue is my feelings about my husband and letting him down in a way. I guess I just have to remember that I'm sober now, I worked my tail off to get here, and it's most important. If I were to place my husband's needs ahead of my own, I would eventually lose my husband (whatever you put in front of your sobriety...)
So, I suppose I already knew the answer! Just curious as to what others thought.
And your friend, yikes! I'd like to age gracefully.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
I'm 40 too (ack--will be 41 next week), and even when I was young the only reason I was even remotely interested in going to the clubs was because there would be alcohol there.
Now that I'm not drinking (only almost 5 months, but definitely not desiring to drink most days), the club would hold no allure to me at all.
Not that I wouldn't want to go because I would be tempted to drink, I wouldn't want to go because I would be bored and feel out of place because I am bored. A club is no place to be if you don't want to be--loud, crowded, and full of obnoxious folks of both genders who may or may not be drinking heavily.
If your husband really, really wants YOU to go--then I would say go for a little and then excuse yourself. But if he doesn't care either way--I would say don't go to the club. And be sure to stress to him (as long as this is the truth), that he should go and have a great time and don't rush back on your account.
Now that I'm not drinking (only almost 5 months, but definitely not desiring to drink most days), the club would hold no allure to me at all.
Not that I wouldn't want to go because I would be tempted to drink, I wouldn't want to go because I would be bored and feel out of place because I am bored. A club is no place to be if you don't want to be--loud, crowded, and full of obnoxious folks of both genders who may or may not be drinking heavily.
If your husband really, really wants YOU to go--then I would say go for a little and then excuse yourself. But if he doesn't care either way--I would say don't go to the club. And be sure to stress to him (as long as this is the truth), that he should go and have a great time and don't rush back on your account.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
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Originally Posted by SavingSelf 
I'm 40 too (ack--will be 41 next week), and even when I was young the only reason I was even remotely interested in going to the clubs was because there would be alcohol there.
Now that I'm not drinking (only almost 5 months, but definitely not desiring to drink most days), the club would hold no allure to me at all.
Not that I wouldn't want to go because I would be tempted to drink, I wouldn't want to go because I would be bored and feel out of place because I am bored. A club is no place to be if you don't want to be--loud, crowded, and full of obnoxious folks of both genders who may or may not be drinking heavily.
If your husband really, really wants YOU to go--then I would say go for a little and then excuse yourself. But if he doesn't care either way--I would say don't go to the club. And be sure to stress to him (as long as this is the truth), that he should go and have a great time and don't rush back on your account.
Now that I'm not drinking (only almost 5 months, but definitely not desiring to drink most days), the club would hold no allure to me at all.
Not that I wouldn't want to go because I would be tempted to drink, I wouldn't want to go because I would be bored and feel out of place because I am bored. A club is no place to be if you don't want to be--loud, crowded, and full of obnoxious folks of both genders who may or may not be drinking heavily.
If your husband really, really wants YOU to go--then I would say go for a little and then excuse yourself. But if he doesn't care either way--I would say don't go to the club. And be sure to stress to him (as long as this is the truth), that he should go and have a great time and don't rush back on your account.
And yeah, that was me. Only I had two reasons for the club, men and booze. I have my man now, and don't need booze, so there ya go!
And yeah, omg drunk people are annoying.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
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Well, I asked. He said of course I'd like you to go! But I don't think it's this big burning desire. He did say, I've been to lots of places with you when I didn't want to go --- I believe he's referring to, at least partially, bars and such I had to go to in order to get my drink on. That made me feel guilty. Like I should go to the club with him. Thankfully I don't think it's going to work out tonight, as our friends are coming with their young ones. But it got me thinking and maybe I'll arrange for a night out - with me driving my own car as my escape route.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I never liked clubs even when I was drinking....
But do what you want to do Lost - thats the great thing about being 40+ - we can do that
D
But do what you want to do Lost - thats the great thing about being 40+ - we can do that
D
Nice being a grown up, eh Dee? Do you remember me posting a year ago? I feel like it was some other person.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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I would go to the club, for your husband. Just go for a little while, drink some club soda or cranberry juice or something and watch all the drunk people. Then excuse yourself and go home. If he wants to stay, let him stay.
After all, like you said, how often do you go to the club. It may be the last time you ever go. Try to go and enjoy yourself as a sober person. You might even have a good time.
After all, like you said, how often do you go to the club. It may be the last time you ever go. Try to go and enjoy yourself as a sober person. You might even have a good time.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Thanks Mirage. I was thinking the same thing. I have no business there, but I do have an actual reason for going. And I do feel spiritually fit. I have a little sobriety under my belt, and I know what to do if things get dicey. I'm not up for it tonight. But I'm thinking of planning a night out for him. Maybe I'll even wear heels. No mini skirt though. LOL.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
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Do you remember me posting a year ago? I feel like it was some other person.
I couldn't always say that.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Yeah, you've grown a lot since last year and you should be proud of yourself and your hard work. Trust your gut instinct. That's one thing I've learned on this journey. Don't second guess yourself.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Hey everyone, thanks for the posts!
Update: The club topic came up briefly. Mostly as a joke, because the two other couples have kids and they were there at dinner with us - so no way the club was going to be an option. Then a major snowstorm hit and we had to get outta there and get home quick! Guess I was worried for nothing.
Update: The club topic came up briefly. Mostly as a joke, because the two other couples have kids and they were there at dinner with us - so no way the club was going to be an option. Then a major snowstorm hit and we had to get outta there and get home quick! Guess I was worried for nothing.
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