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Kicked out Hi guys, i am a 22 female musician/writer kicked out by my housemates yesterday. They weren't angry at me or anything but just felt that staying ina house with other artists is not the best situation for me to be in. You see I have a shitload of diseases (pcos, hormonal imbalance, diabetes) and have been in a yearlong struggle to get rid of most of those. I have been pretty successful in my treatment it's just that when the doctor advises me that I can have a day off in my diet I end up binge drinking. I am able to control and not drink at all for the times that the doctor tells me not to but when he gives me the go signal I go crazy. I never tell the doctor what happens since my recovery medically has been steady. Last week, I had a breakthrough improvement overall and my doctor was very happy about it. so was my family and friends. So in celebration, we went to the beach and bought a shitload of alcohol. The first night was ok. we just smoked blunts and drank a little. the 2nd day though, we drank the rest of the alcohol we brought and I don't remember a thing. My friends tell me that I almost died (ran after atruck full of sand and laid down behind it before it unloaded, swam in the ocean (it was a surf spot so the tides were crazy) and other stuff they didnt tell me about anymore) I was so anxious for the first few days after, I know I hurt them... all of them went out of town right after the trip so I was left alone to bring myself to the hospital.. I went home to my parents house in the meantime and sought the counsel of my old college friends.. they reassured me that everything will be okay.. I got a dislocated wrist and a mild concussion. lots of bruises too. and a very broken heart :( So when I finally decided to go to our house and talk to my friends, I was taken aback as to how grave the situation is. They raised the issue of me going out of control and doing stuff that are detrimental to my health, stuff that could kill me. and I do these consciously. I have been to rehab once for heroin abuse in my teens and have recognized my alcohol problem some months ago but just told myself to avoid alcohol but then when i get a hold of alcohol i just go crazy... my friends were hurt. they are still hurting. they thought i was gonna die on the beach that night.. i will never be able to understand fully the weight of their feelings right now but I understand... One of them advised me to get professional help, not to brag about **** but I do have a very high IQ (i am a mensa member) but have always struggled with abuse of substances and other things. I have been severely overweight in my teens and managed to go down a healthier size although I am still overweight now. :/ I am sorry if everything is scattered and ****** told but here it is. thanks for welcoming me here. i will see a professional on tuesday. :( i am sad but a tthe same time very thankful to my housemates for putting the issue upfront. :gaah |
It is shocking how much we terrify other people when blacked out. I used to hang around with the local chapter of Hells Angles many many years ago, and they banned me from ever going near their 'clubhouse' again, because they said I freaked them out too much!! It's good of your friends to have woken you up like this, and alerted you to your behavior when drunk. Alcohol is no respecter of age, colour, intelligence or background etc. You must take serious and immediate action now, because your life is in grave danger. Thank you and well done for posting. You've reminded me of my own insanity. You can do this, and you can recover, with help, and with the love and support of us on SR. |
Some of us are too smart to get sober--no one is too dumb!!! |
Once I weathered the beginning, I found I got "on" to my sobriety. You will, too. You just need a way to be still long enough to prevent yourself from ingesting substances. It is hard to be still. I will be praying for you! Keep posting--this is a great place. Glad you're seeing a professional soon, too. |
It sounds pretty obvious that you have an addiction problem. The answer is pretty simple, not easy, but simple. Do not drink, now, tomorrow, ever. You must avoid all mind altering substances. Please consider getting help, AA, rehab, your doctor, whatever will work for you, but please stop the drinking, it is a short road to the end of the road. |
Find your bliss in sobriety. And then you'll stop searching for it in substances. Youve come to the right place! |
I'm glad you posted, welcome. Your story suggests an addiction issue, as you know, and the first thing to do is to stop drinking. That can be so hard, but you will find so much support here. You're lucky in a way that you've recognised your problem so young. If I had recognised an alcohol problem when I was 22, the next six years of my life might have been salvagable. I too am / was a writer, and after a while my alcohol problems completely robbed me of my ability to write and think properly. I wrote a PhD while I was a severe binge drinker, and afterwards I was intellectually wiped out and broken down. A year later, I have not recovered and still have no concentration span at all. You obviously value your high IQ, but alcohol is very damaging to the brain and to thought processes. If you keep going you will notice your thoughts slowing down a bit; making connections between things (essential for artists) takes longer. Now that I have quit, I'm looking forward to being able to write again. I hope you can get through this, and come on here whenever you need to talk. |
I hope that you decide to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get and stay healthy. I hope that you decide to stop drinking and if you do, we are here to support you. And, I agree that alcohol will mess with your concentration and memory, so please don't take those things for granted. |
wow. i am so overwhelmed by the amount of replies my post got. thank you so much guys. it's been a week since i last stayed over at our house (i guess i can't call it my house anymore) and i can say overall i have a feeling of clarity and a certain kind of happiness. i have pinpointed my drinking problem a couple of times before but remember my friends saying i don't have one ('stop trying to realize a stereotype, a writer with a drinking problem!'). i admit i often need affirmation and validation from people around me that is why this recent development has really pushed me to categorically begin my sobering up. in a few weeks is our family reunion (it's a big deal to us, 100+ of my relatives are coming and surely there'll be loads of booze). Some people there have seen me binge on alcohol (i was supposed to take a health vacation in the province but ended being a drug and alcohol binge :( this was 6 months ago ) but they themselves drink a lot so they didnt really think i had a problem. my current hurdle is the 'impending' disappointment of my parents, i haven't told them anything yet. i don't think they are entirely clueless cause my mom sometimes posts anti-drinking anti-smoking stuff on my facebook. i just have disappointed them so many times and i really can't anticipate what their reaction would be. :| most of my stuff are still in the house i used to stay in and that's caused me to stall in my work. my recording rig and instruments are there. i have turned to reading books in the meantime tho. a friend of mine suggested that i read kerouac's big sur. has any of you read that yet? i have researched and found that it is highly autobiographical. i have read other kerouac's books and i know he is an alcoholic. will reading about other alcoholics' experiences told in a literary way help me or am i running the risk of romanticizing this whole situation? im sorry if im just vomiting words here.. i really dont have anyone to talk to right now :( |
Hello! Welcome to SR this is the greatest (and potentially life saving) resource you can find! Please read the stories and use the various resources here to help you to understand alcohol.
Originally Posted by blisskickout
(Post 3874691)
So in celebration, we went to the beach and bought a shitload of alcohol. I know I hurt them... all of them went out of town right after the trip so I was left alone to bring myself to the hospital.. So when I finally decided to go to our house and talk to my friends, I was taken aback as to how grave the situation is. They raised the issue of me going out of control and doing stuff that are detrimental to my health, stuff that could kill me. One of them advised me to get professional help, not to brag about **** but I do have a very high IQ (i am a mensa member) but have always struggled with abuse of substances and other things. I have been severely overweight in my teens and managed to go down a healthier size although I am still overweight now. i will see a professional on tuesday. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. Take care and be well! |
welcome to SR blosskickout :) I encourage you to join our Class of March thread - lots of support and feedback there from others who have quit this month :) http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-5-a-15.html D |
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