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It's now or never

Old 03-21-2013, 12:26 PM
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It's now or never

I've been at trying to quit for quite awhile now. I've made a couple of valiant attempts, but haven't gone more than 10 days without a drink in months. The amount has gotten worse. The hangovers are getting worse. As a small woman, I fear my body won't take the abuse much longer.

I'm looking for information and friendship. I want a sober life and I have a feeling, if I can get past 10 days, it will be so much easier to get through it the rest of my life. I'm really not ready to die yet, but you'd think I was trying with the amount that I've been drinking. I'm 34 and pray that I haven't done any permanent damage.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:31 PM
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Congratulations on your decision. SR is definitely a good place to find information, support and friendship. Have you seen a doctor or consulted any local rehab/counceling/support groups yet?
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:34 PM
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Welcome, glad you are here !

I too had many "valiant" attempts myself before finally getting and staying sober...

Get a plan together that includes a recovery program, we can't win this alone.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:34 PM
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I'm also 34. In december I decided to get really serious about quitting alcohol. Like you, I made countless half-hearted attempts, rarely lasting more than 2 weeks. In 2012 I was arrested 3 times and even hopsitalized twice due to alcohol. Very stupid. I was more of a cyclic binge drinker than an every day drinker, so quitting was hard because I would wuit for a bit, then feel good again and figure I could control my drinking. I finally realized that it's just not the case for me, so I decided on doing an entire year with no alcohol. At the end of that year, I will decide if I want to drink again, but for now I'm focused on that year and I've decided that I am 100% committed to it. I wish you the best in this. This site has helped me as a simple reminder of not drinking.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:54 PM
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Yes, I want to visit often because I haven't gone through any support groups and I don't plan on it. I'm new to this area and I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I've let it get this far. I don't want anyone to know I have a problem.

I've done a lot of stupid things over the past year. I don't want to hurt my new BF with things that I could do if he's not around and I drink too much. And I'm tired of feeling hungover and crappy. I'm especially sick of the fact that I wake up each and every day with the intent to not drink...yet, inevitably, I end up tossed by the end of the night.

I also take Wellbutrin, and I think drinking totally negates any benefit I would otherwise get from it.

Oh, and no, I haven't seen my doctor about it. I've quit several times in the past year and, although my withdrawals are really bad, IMO, I don't think they warrant medical attention.

I made it 18 hours yesterday before caving - I was so proud of myself too! I let my thoughts and cravings get the best of me and rationalized the drinking. I still had most of a fifth and I felt like no one in my life cared if I drank or not so what the hell. I wrote my BF a letter earlier that day about my deepest desire to quit or I know I'll die soon. There's no way I can keep up drinking near a fifth of the hard stuff daily and not kill myself soon. I had also asked him to please stop bringing home beer daily because it's just too hard for me to resist - at least for the first week. Anyway, when I saw him later, he said nothing about it. So I got all butthurt and decided I was just going to drink then.

When I can make it through today (I haven't had a sober day in 2 weeks), I'm going to feel so proud. I've gone a couple or a few days in the past and my BF thought it was laughable that I was so excited about it. I'm sure he thinks I'm pathetic and I'm really worried that he'll realize how bad my drinking is and will leave me.

Anyway, I'm suffering from a mad hangover today. And my BF told me last night he was going to finish his beer and not bring any more home. I couldn't even remember what I did last night, and I think it freaks my BF out. But I'm discovering that he doesn't like to talk much and I feel like I really need someone to talk to about this so here I am.

I've rationalized many a drink in the past to cure a hangover. As the hours pass, it's really all I can think about. I know it will get better after a few days, but lord help me, today is going to be tough.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:59 PM
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When I quit drinking I realized I didn't know how to live sober.

The only thing i found to fill the bill for getting me sober, keeping me sober and teaching me how to live sober was Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

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Old 03-21-2013, 01:14 PM
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There's just no way I could go to AA. That's why I joined this site. I'm hoping I won't feel alone and don't necessarily feel like I need to be face to face with a bunch of other people sharing about our horrible stories.

Also, when I was younger, I did go to a few meetings and found it was teeming with men that just wanted to pick up on me. I never want to feel taken advantage like that again.
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Old 03-21-2013, 01:19 PM
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Originally Posted by FellOnNewDays View Post
I've rationalized many a drink in the past to cure a hangover.
...and any slight to your feelings becomes a reason to drink...Put the reins on your resentment, your anger, and on the fears of what your bf will or will not do. As you've already stated, they just become excuses to drink.

Your emotions are going to be all over the place over the next few weeks. Recovery (vice just quitting drinking) is learning how to deal with these emotions like non-drinkers do...without diving into a bottle for relief.

There are a million reasons to drink. But only one reason why we can't just quit. We're alcoholics.

Welcome.
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Old 03-21-2013, 01:30 PM
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FellOnNewDays always remember no matter how far you have pushed your body, it's never too late to get it back. The body is an amazing instrument that can repair itself given the opportunity. Just posting here is a step in the right direction.

Hope to see you around the forum, good luck on your journey.
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Old 03-21-2013, 01:51 PM
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Thank you! And you're absolutely right doggonecarl, my mind seems to seize on any negative emotion or circumstance as an excuse to throw one back. It's like it's lying in wait!

I've smoked pot to quit drinking before so I think you're right there again - learning how to deal and be in this world without diving into an escape is the ticket here.

I'm loathe to call myself an alcoholic but, frankly, it's time to face the truth, isn't it?
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Old 03-21-2013, 01:54 PM
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Thank you Panache, I truly hope I haven't done irreversible damage. I've tried to google how much one has to drink before the body caves to liver damage etc. but I couldn't find anything really definitive. I swear I feel my liver hurting today - I'm not sure that it's even possible but I'm only 34 and I feel like I still have some good drinking years in me yet.

But I want more than just a few years.

My uncle died a few years ago just from drinking too much one night. He was 47, I think.
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Old 03-21-2013, 02:11 PM
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I know how you feel, my liver is definitely swollen i can see it when I look at myself. But the positive here is, I am doing something about it and you are too! It's never too late. Have respect for yourself and your body. Stay in touch and we can fight this together.
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Old 03-21-2013, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Panache View Post
FellOnNewDays always remember no matter how far you have pushed your body, it's never too late to get it back. The body is an amazing instrument that can repair itself given the opportunity. Just posting here is a step in the right direction.

Hope to see you around the forum, good luck on your journey.
This comment resonated so deeply for me. I am so out of shape, it feels absolutely disgusting to me to even take my clothes off anymore. I have never thought of my body as being capable to repair itself, but I guess you're right.

Great point!


FellOnNewDays - congrats on finding this site, like the rest of us! This place seems to be a wonderful community that truly helps the people who come here. Try not to feel shame about your alcoholism, or worry about calling yourself a certain term, I think. The main focus now is staying sober and being proud of yourself for taking the first steps in doing so. Nothing reinvigorates my thinking today like being proud of the fact that I truly, truly do want more for myself. Keep looking forward! Best of luck and congratulations on joining this forum and wanting more for yourself, as well!
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Old 03-21-2013, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Toeachtheirown View Post

This comment resonated so deeply for me. I am so out of shape, it feels absolutely disgusting to me to even take my clothes off anymore. I have never thought of my body as being capable to repair itself, but I guess you're right.

Great point!

FellOnNewDays - congrats on finding this site, like the rest of us! This place seems to be a wonderful community that truly helps the people who come here. Try not to feel shame about your alcoholism, or worry about calling yourself a certain term, I think. The main focus now is staying sober and being proud of yourself for taking the first steps in doing so. Nothing reinvigorates my thinking today like being proud of the fact that I truly, truly do want more for myself. Keep looking forward! Best of luck and congratulations on joining this forum and wanting more for yourself, as well!
I am in the same situation my friend, I was once a size 8, but with the help of alcohol (guinness) have found myself at a size 14, with excessive drinking and eating. BUT, like I said earlier, it is never too late to get it back. Make tomorrow the first day of the rest of your life. Grasp it and get back to being how you were, at a place where you feel comfortable. Alcohol may have ruined your life thus far, but being here is a positive step in getting back. Trust!
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Old 03-22-2013, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by FellOnNewDays View Post
I'm loathe to call myself an alcoholic but, frankly, it's time to face the truth, isn't it?
I couldn't recover until I admitted that alcoholism was my problem.

Otherwise, I would have continued to think it was a problem I could address with moderation, or by being super vigilant against excessive drinking. The truth was, as long as I didn't think I was an alcoholic, I felt I could still drink.

Once I admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic, I could accept that I could never drink again. Ever.

Plus it explained all the chaos in my life.

You can recovery from alcoholism. I found it was more difficult to recover from being too stupid (or proud, or smart) to accept it.
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:07 PM
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welcome to SR fellonnewdays
anyone with a sore anything - go get it checked out already

D
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