Pressured into too many AA meetings?
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by nancylee 
I work a sobriety program online, Women for Sobriety, and that has worked for me.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Deluxe
Some points from my perspective:
Firstly to those who say an AA meeting is only and hour, it's not. This is not me being pedantic. I live in a big city. It take me 45 minutes to get there wherever it is and 45 mins back minimum. With the meeting that's 2 and a half hours. Then I am limited to what meeting I go to due to commitments to my children and their sport so that may well dictate that the meeting I attend is an hour away and an hour back. I then have to schedule clients so that they dont encroach on that 3 hour period. With getting my son to school and picking him up and getting a meeting in that can be pretty much the whole day gone not including the bits and pieces in the middle. Meetings are not only an hour out of someones life for many as so many constantly point out,
I do 5 to 7 meetings a week averaging 6. Love it! People where I live that tell me they did 2 to 3 meetings a day for years as a sign of their commitment to sobriety (with great pride) are also telling me a whole lot more about themselves, primarily that they have lost balance and have no job and no other way to seek balance and fulfillment. Living only in AA is not living, it is as obsessive as the drink was. As my drug and alcohol specialist told me when I explained I am doing a lot of meetings, have a sponsor and love it - "careful not to replace one addiction with another and that includes AA. Strive for insight and balance in your perspective".
Balance for many is so important to maintaining sobriety. OP if you neglect your relationship and other key aspects of your life you will also neglect your sobriety. What I mean is drive yourself into a place of such anguish that you will reject other things, including I suspect your efforts at being sober.
Some have suggested that you need to "justify" your program to your roommate and lay the plan out for her. You don't. She is your roommate not your sponsor. A simple explanation that you are committed to your program and your sobriety will suffice.
OP, it's your recovery and your recovery only. That also makes it your responsibility. Be vigilant and hang onto it for dear life. I know I am.
Firstly to those who say an AA meeting is only and hour, it's not. This is not me being pedantic. I live in a big city. It take me 45 minutes to get there wherever it is and 45 mins back minimum. With the meeting that's 2 and a half hours. Then I am limited to what meeting I go to due to commitments to my children and their sport so that may well dictate that the meeting I attend is an hour away and an hour back. I then have to schedule clients so that they dont encroach on that 3 hour period. With getting my son to school and picking him up and getting a meeting in that can be pretty much the whole day gone not including the bits and pieces in the middle. Meetings are not only an hour out of someones life for many as so many constantly point out,
I do 5 to 7 meetings a week averaging 6. Love it! People where I live that tell me they did 2 to 3 meetings a day for years as a sign of their commitment to sobriety (with great pride) are also telling me a whole lot more about themselves, primarily that they have lost balance and have no job and no other way to seek balance and fulfillment. Living only in AA is not living, it is as obsessive as the drink was. As my drug and alcohol specialist told me when I explained I am doing a lot of meetings, have a sponsor and love it - "careful not to replace one addiction with another and that includes AA. Strive for insight and balance in your perspective".
Balance for many is so important to maintaining sobriety. OP if you neglect your relationship and other key aspects of your life you will also neglect your sobriety. What I mean is drive yourself into a place of such anguish that you will reject other things, including I suspect your efforts at being sober.
Some have suggested that you need to "justify" your program to your roommate and lay the plan out for her. You don't. She is your roommate not your sponsor. A simple explanation that you are committed to your program and your sobriety will suffice.
OP, it's your recovery and your recovery only. That also makes it your responsibility. Be vigilant and hang onto it for dear life. I know I am.
And thanks for saying that I don't have to "justify" my recovery plan to her. She's not my sponsor, or mother, and sometimes I feel like a kid making excuses to her. I just need her to respect the boundaries a little more. I'm not drinking, and I'm doing what I can for my recovery -- I don't need guilt about the volume of meetings I'm attending. I'm doing my best, I really am.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by BadCompany
You forced this into her life without her permission. Now you don't like how she deals with the situation. Is that a good summary of the situation?
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Natom
I never got pressured to do any more meetings than I was already. However if you're not putting recovery first then your sponsor is probably just worried about you.
Natom.
Natom.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 171
I like some of the others advice. Maybe let her know that daily meetings aren't what yo can do right now, however, it doesn't mean that you are not focusing on your recovery. You don't have to answer to her but she may just be concerned. Maybe do like others mentioned and let her know that even if you aren't at a meeting you are doing XYZ for your recovery that day.
Like someone else here I am not able to make daily meetings. I go 3-4 times a week. I'm early in recovery. I do however go to an outpatient class 3 days a week for 2 hours. If I can't make a meeting then at night I spend some time reading literature, writing in my journal or doing a little bit of recovery based things.
Like someone else here I am not able to make daily meetings. I go 3-4 times a week. I'm early in recovery. I do however go to an outpatient class 3 days a week for 2 hours. If I can't make a meeting then at night I spend some time reading literature, writing in my journal or doing a little bit of recovery based things.
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To me, putting your recovery first, means keeping it in a peaceful place in your mind throughout the day. I do many things that are part of my recovery. I need balance in my life. I read, I walk, I do yoga, I meditate, I spend time with myself. All these things help me to stay on track.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Because you are newly sober and she was not aware that you had an alcohol problem when you moved in, her concern is understandable.
However, it sounds to me like she is being codependent and trying to work your program for you. It is not her place to hound you about meetings. As a woman with 16 years of sobriety and AA experience she likely knows this but is having trouble handling living with someone that is newly sober. Actually sounds like she could benefit from al-anon, as well.
I would have a frank but gentle and respectful conversation with her and discuss the situation. It is possible that she just is not in a place to be able to maintain healthy boundaries while living with someone who is so recently sober. Maybe together you two can come up with some reasonable ways to interact. But whether she is right to have concerns or not, it is not her place to dictate how someone else recovers, nor does it work.
However, it sounds to me like she is being codependent and trying to work your program for you. It is not her place to hound you about meetings. As a woman with 16 years of sobriety and AA experience she likely knows this but is having trouble handling living with someone that is newly sober. Actually sounds like she could benefit from al-anon, as well.
I would have a frank but gentle and respectful conversation with her and discuss the situation. It is possible that she just is not in a place to be able to maintain healthy boundaries while living with someone who is so recently sober. Maybe together you two can come up with some reasonable ways to interact. But whether she is right to have concerns or not, it is not her place to dictate how someone else recovers, nor does it work.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by StarlessNight
I don't have a sponsor. What does it mean to "put your recovery first"? That's the question here. As outlined above, I have very limited time for anything, and I already have a relationship I can't abandon. I think I'm doing what is humanly possible for my recovery.
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