My sobriety is a relapse from drinking!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 230
My sobriety is a relapse from drinking!
Hi everyone
I have become quite good at relapsing from my drinking life!
Last year I was sober for over 90 days (twice) and this year I was sober for 60 days and now 3 weeks again. Quite frankly, none of this makes any difference until I make some underlying changes about the way I feel about myself, my self esteem and my life patterns etc etc. In a way I have the cart before the horse - I am trying to quit drinking before changing my underlying support structures and that makes me very vulnerable.
Alcohol has provided me with a support structure for a long time but I feel like I am running out of time. I know it cannot continue but I feel like I am forcing sobriety upon myself before I have reliable alternative support structures in place. I have enough experience of this already to know that simply abstaining will not make things get easier over time. Day counting will simply not cut it.
So I find myself looking for a more positive way to improve my life and religion isn't it!! If I were still living in the big city, I would just pay a life coach to sort me out. What other alternatives are there? Do I need to shave my head and live in a Buddhist monastery? (actually, joking aside, that looks to be my best option from where I am standing!!)
I have become quite good at relapsing from my drinking life!
Last year I was sober for over 90 days (twice) and this year I was sober for 60 days and now 3 weeks again. Quite frankly, none of this makes any difference until I make some underlying changes about the way I feel about myself, my self esteem and my life patterns etc etc. In a way I have the cart before the horse - I am trying to quit drinking before changing my underlying support structures and that makes me very vulnerable.
Alcohol has provided me with a support structure for a long time but I feel like I am running out of time. I know it cannot continue but I feel like I am forcing sobriety upon myself before I have reliable alternative support structures in place. I have enough experience of this already to know that simply abstaining will not make things get easier over time. Day counting will simply not cut it.
So I find myself looking for a more positive way to improve my life and religion isn't it!! If I were still living in the big city, I would just pay a life coach to sort me out. What other alternatives are there? Do I need to shave my head and live in a Buddhist monastery? (actually, joking aside, that looks to be my best option from where I am standing!!)
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
I too found that just not drinking wasnt cutting it for me. Being sober seemed to be my biggest challenge. The way I felt sober is described perfectly in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous -
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people"
Booze always was a good solution to those problems for quite some time. Then it became less effective but it was still the only answer I knew. My attempts at quitting or controlling my drinking seemed only to prove that my life was a lot harder sober than it was drunk. The problem was that I seemed to cause more harm when drinking.
Therefore I needed a healthier, more effective solution to what my problems were. Alcohol was no longer a good answer. Lucky for me, I was introduced to the 12 steps and the fellowship of AA. Almost 5 years later, I am still sober. The desire to drink has been gone for well over 4 years. The best part of it is that sobriety is no longer a cross to bear. It is quite an enjoyable experience. There are ups and downs, but through them all, alcohol has never come into the picture.
Hope you find some answers here. Best wishes to you!
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people"
Booze always was a good solution to those problems for quite some time. Then it became less effective but it was still the only answer I knew. My attempts at quitting or controlling my drinking seemed only to prove that my life was a lot harder sober than it was drunk. The problem was that I seemed to cause more harm when drinking.
Therefore I needed a healthier, more effective solution to what my problems were. Alcohol was no longer a good answer. Lucky for me, I was introduced to the 12 steps and the fellowship of AA. Almost 5 years later, I am still sober. The desire to drink has been gone for well over 4 years. The best part of it is that sobriety is no longer a cross to bear. It is quite an enjoyable experience. There are ups and downs, but through them all, alcohol has never come into the picture.
Hope you find some answers here. Best wishes to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by bounced 
So I find myself looking for a more positive way to improve my life and religion isn't it!! If I were still living in the big city, I would just pay a life coach to sort me out. What other alternatives are there? Do I need to shave my head and live in a Buddhist monastery? (actually, joking aside, that looks to be my best option from where I am standing!!)
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
I'm going through a similar experience bounced. Although, I often return to drinking not out of pain or emotional distress, but because I feel boredom or I'm not having fun.
The more I know about AA and the 12-steps the more I realize AA is probably not for me, but I haven't ruled it out completely. Personally, I believe strongly that the way to stay sober is to find a renewed passion for life. I try to do things like:
- Exercise.
- Educate myself.
- Reacquainting myself with old friends I set aside because of my drinking life.
- Getting back to simple pleasures like spending time with family.
- Taking stock of my life and making any necessary changes required.
I could go on, but you get the picture. We all have our own list, but I really things it's about being engaged with the good things life has to offer--and there are many good things if we take time to notice them.
The more I know about AA and the 12-steps the more I realize AA is probably not for me, but I haven't ruled it out completely. Personally, I believe strongly that the way to stay sober is to find a renewed passion for life. I try to do things like:
- Exercise.
- Educate myself.
- Reacquainting myself with old friends I set aside because of my drinking life.
- Getting back to simple pleasures like spending time with family.
- Taking stock of my life and making any necessary changes required.
I could go on, but you get the picture. We all have our own list, but I really things it's about being engaged with the good things life has to offer--and there are many good things if we take time to notice them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: North West Territories
Posts: 25
FeenixRising,
I just relapsed and this is my first day off after a four day binge. I just got on two weeks holidays and I had a lot of spare time. It's the boredom that gets me, the same as you.
I get so amped up from not drinking for an extended period of time, I feel like I need to drink to calm down, but I never seem to get to my point of satisfaction where I'm sedated and can just sit and relax. I thought I'd be able to taper or just have a one day binge and then off the booze, but the one day just makes me want to keep going the next day. I don't really get the physical hangover. When I do is when I stop, but my issue is that I get awful mental hangovers.
Ugh.. hate it. Hate booze, hate it.
I just relapsed and this is my first day off after a four day binge. I just got on two weeks holidays and I had a lot of spare time. It's the boredom that gets me, the same as you.
I get so amped up from not drinking for an extended period of time, I feel like I need to drink to calm down, but I never seem to get to my point of satisfaction where I'm sedated and can just sit and relax. I thought I'd be able to taper or just have a one day binge and then off the booze, but the one day just makes me want to keep going the next day. I don't really get the physical hangover. When I do is when I stop, but my issue is that I get awful mental hangovers.
Ugh.. hate it. Hate booze, hate it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,428
I spent years trying to make sure my sober life would be comfortable and 'ready to walk in'...only I never actually walked in.
I was like the architect who never actually builds a building.
In the end, I had to leap.
I had a simple two plank platform - stay sober and be happy....the first was pretty simple, if not easy...the second is a little harder.
my advice is think about what would make you happy and sustain you Bounced....
and make that leap anyway...I think as long as you have the first plank secure (not drinking) and keep it secure, no matter what, you're on the right track
D
I was like the architect who never actually builds a building.
In the end, I had to leap.
I had a simple two plank platform - stay sober and be happy....the first was pretty simple, if not easy...the second is a little harder.
my advice is think about what would make you happy and sustain you Bounced....
and make that leap anyway...I think as long as you have the first plank secure (not drinking) and keep it secure, no matter what, you're on the right track
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: North West Territories
Posts: 25
I don't know what the 'true' definition of a binge really is. But for me it means repeated nights of getting drunk. I don't think it necessarily has to be all day long, but just drinking too much over and over.
For me, it starts innocently enough with a regular old fashioned night out with the boys, I don't necessarily drink that much more than anyone, nothing bad happens, but then the next day if I am not completely hungover, I feel just hungover enough that I know I could keep drinking and feel pretty good.
After the second big night of drinking is when I start to get anxious and just feel 'bad', probably more emotionally than physically.
Then to finally get that first day of sobriety under my belt, has become increasingly hard. If I could just learn to suffer out the first hangover, I'd probably be much better off, instead, I try my best to avoid it and keep the party going until I feel depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, angry, frustrated, and any other terrible emotions I can think of.
For me, it starts innocently enough with a regular old fashioned night out with the boys, I don't necessarily drink that much more than anyone, nothing bad happens, but then the next day if I am not completely hungover, I feel just hungover enough that I know I could keep drinking and feel pretty good.
After the second big night of drinking is when I start to get anxious and just feel 'bad', probably more emotionally than physically.
Then to finally get that first day of sobriety under my belt, has become increasingly hard. If I could just learn to suffer out the first hangover, I'd probably be much better off, instead, I try my best to avoid it and keep the party going until I feel depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, angry, frustrated, and any other terrible emotions I can think of.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Eire
Posts: 211
Bonner, this is a good question. I'm sober few weeks, first attempt, after 7 years drinking nightly. When I gave up, I joined support group 2 nights a week, I also continued my Buddhist meditation classes. When not attending these classes, I occupy self with reading all the books suggested on this site, and of course spend time on SR. I don't think I could make it without these crutches in this early stage. I would be lost without all that support and F2F meeting like minded people. These are working for me. So I hope you find some interests/support to fill that hole (the hole we feel when give up our so called friend). Just sharing my experience because I can so relate, in that I'd not make it so far, without these support structures. Best wishes
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Originally Posted by julez
This might sound silly, but what is a binge? Days of nonstop drinking? Or days of drinking just nightly?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southern Spain
Posts: 355
A binge is a period of uncontrolled drinking that may last a day or longer. It normally begins with the intention of 'just having a couple of drinks' but spirals out of control quickly until one is unable to stop by willpower alone. Resulting in serious problems or just a very bad withdrawal. Blackouts often occur where the individual remembers very little or noting of what they have done or where they have been.
Hope that helps.
Hope that helps.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Bounced, I agree with you that stopping drinking does not solve our problems. I had to get my depression properly diagnosed and treated before I could begin to recover. I changed myself from the inside out, mostly using great books. It's possible that a therapist could help you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
Binge drinking to me means drinking to the point of being drunk and acting accordingly. I could drink A LOT in one night, and not drink the days following. Its different for everyone. I think the technical definition is having more than 4 drinks in a night or something...ha.
Anna - do you have any good book recommendations? I read A Return to Love, see it as your quote
Anna - do you have any good book recommendations? I read A Return to Love, see it as your quote
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
When I got back in the program 9mths ago, someone shared in a mtg that we shouldn't make relapsing a HABIT! That hit me good coz I want to one day graduate from AA the only way I know-and that's to die sober
Read Bill's story @ the beginning of the bg bk...hope it helps u
Read Bill's story @ the beginning of the bg bk...hope it helps u
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
I would think most of use we had to force a sobriety lifestyle because a drunken life was not cutting anymore. If it was easy then we would not be here in the first plan. But with that said you are the only one that knows why you start drinking and why you want to quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 230
Originally Posted by Dee74
I had a simple two plank platform - stay sober and be happy....the first was pretty simple, if not easy...the second is a little harder
Originally Posted by Anna
Bounced, I agree with you that stopping drinking does not solve our problems. I had to get my depression properly diagnosed and treated before I could begin to recover. I changed myself from the inside out, mostly using great books. It's possible that a therapist could help you.
On one level, I just want to mix with people who want to talk about positive stuff - that might just become habitual!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by FeenixxRising
I'm going through a similar experience bounced. Although, I often return to drinking not out of pain or emotional distress, but because I feel boredom or I'm not having fun.
The more I know about AA and the 12-steps the more I realize AA is probably not for me, but I haven't ruled it out completely. Personally, I believe strongly that the way to stay sober is to find a renewed passion for life. I try to do things like:
- Exercise.
- Educate myself.
- Reacquainting myself with old friends I set aside because of my drinking life.
- Getting back to simple pleasures like spending time with family.
- Taking stock of my life and making any necessary changes required.
I could go on, but you get the picture. We all have our own list, but I really things it's about being engaged with the good things life has to offer--and there are many good things if we take time to notice them.
The more I know about AA and the 12-steps the more I realize AA is probably not for me, but I haven't ruled it out completely. Personally, I believe strongly that the way to stay sober is to find a renewed passion for life. I try to do things like:
- Exercise.
- Educate myself.
- Reacquainting myself with old friends I set aside because of my drinking life.
- Getting back to simple pleasures like spending time with family.
- Taking stock of my life and making any necessary changes required.
I could go on, but you get the picture. We all have our own list, but I really things it's about being engaged with the good things life has to offer--and there are many good things if we take time to notice them.
Also going back to just having a simple life has helped me so much. I don't need complication, but when drinking I just seemed to thrive on it. Now that I have been sober for 8 months I really do see the goods things in life. I am much more calm, relaxed and feel a peace I haven't felt before. I'm not saying everything is always rosy, but it definately is alot better and I'm starting to feel more and more content as time goes on.
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