Palimpsest

Man, I would have given myself a 95% chance of drinking yesterday on my 8th day. I've been 150 days sober before, and I usually had the hardest time at the beginning, of course, and then around 30 and 60 were hard. I got my work done and had down time yesterday, and wanted to drink. I was out and about and that's when I usually pick up a case of beer, along with some food. I told myself to shutup and just get something to eat and go home and then think about it. I had a healthy sandwich, was still getting antsy, and I crawled into bed. Best 2 hour nap ever. Before the nap I was having extreme cravings, some extreme depression like I've never experienced before, and terrible thoughts in general. When I woke up I felt like I had passed that one week hurdle. My view had completely changed. That first week has never been so hard, each time I drink again it gets harder and harder. It's now or never.

My body finally healed enough to work out at the gym, and I cooked a healthy meal (something I don't do when I'm drinking). My mind is telling me I feel good again, so I deserve to get drunk. Every time I do it takes days to stop, and then when I stop the alcohol takes another few days to heal before I can even go get real exercise. I'm tired of it. I've been doing it over and over for the last year, saying the same ******** about stopping.

My girlfriend recently moved out, but we are on good terms... she is currently out of town for 12 days. In the last few years I have dated her, I'm like a little kid when his parents aren't watching... each time she is out of town, I always get drunk because I have no one to judge me and see how much I drink... it's freedom. This is making not drinking that much harder. Stupid I know.

I know a counselor would be nice to talk to. I know you aren't supposed to give recommendations on any commercial services... but can anyone lead me in the right direction in terms of ways to find a good therapist? Everything on search engines in this day and age seems to be those big sites that feature therapists who pay them to advertise... and online reviews for that line of work isn't accurate. I'm hoping to find a good, honest therapist. Thank you!

anima

I know an amazing therapist in Atl who is also sober - let me know if you want his info.

flujays

Funny, i thought I was the only one! My husband going out for the night is one of my triggers too.

What's been working for me (sometimes) is going to bed early, I mean really early like 8pm. The other thing is making a nice hot chocolate or cup of tea instead of a glass of wine.

Good luck, you can do it.

Palimpsest

I would appreciate it, I will send you a private message!

Thanks for reminding me about tea, it really helps me to have another type of "special" drink... ah, I forgot about all the things you don't get to enjoy while drinking alcohol.

TassieGuy

Hey Palimpsest,
Can certainly relate to many of your experiences/thought in the OP.

Amazing how I use times by myself as a great opportunity to have as many drinks as I wanted without "anyone knowing" and in your words, "freedom".

In terms of a therapist, I have never had counseilling for alcohol but have at length for divorce related matters/stress etc. I cant give any tips as to where to go, but found it really is just finding a person who you relate to and feel comfortable with - and if not then keep searching. For me it was the 3rd person I went to who was really able to help me.

Good luck.

Lunetta

I totally drank alone when my husband was out of town. Currently he's gone for 3 weeks for work (coming home on weekends) thank God I'm not still drinking my liver couldn't handle it!! When I first quit (jan 1) he went out of town a few days after that and I struggled keeping busy not to drink. Like you did, sometimes a good nap helps! I don't have any recommendations for therapists but if you have a regular doctor, you could get some recommendations/referrals from them.

naturestubbs1

Hey Palimpsest,

I am definitely not one to give advice. However, over my 24-year drinking "career" I too saw the "green light" when nobody was going to be around for a while. I was sober for 48 days and just had a two-day relapse "bender." I was STUNNED by how crappy I felt after my relapse. NOW I am eight days sober again, and am still going through this crappy feeling that I thought I had gotten rid of.

This is by no means a recommendation to relapse, but rather a warning that you probably don't want to erase the progress you've made. I had never felt "sober" before so I didn't really have a frame of knowledge to go from. BOY!!! am I getting a wakeup call right now. I can't wait to get back to all of the marks that I hit before. With that being said, also know that if you ever DO relapse, it isn't the end of the world. I now have an imprint of how good it felt to be sober that I want to strive to get back to. As far as a therapist goes...I have seen every shrink this side of the mississippi and second the notion that you should find a recovering addict that is also a counselor. I would also recommend seeing a Psychiatrist. No offense to any Psychologists out there, but, at least in my experience, it was nice to have someone who could see my addiction from a "brain chemistry" point of view and be able to prescribe medication to help me through those acute stages of withdrawal. Yeah, it sucks getting off of medications like Xanax too... so learn from me when I tell you that I will take Alchohol withdrawal any day over narcotics. There are "non-addictive" things that you can take to "take the edge off," but I have just recently learned that TIME is the best medicine. Again, I am not anti-drug, just ask alot of questions before you start poppping things in your mouth like I did. I will be happy to relay any of my own experiences if you have any questions. Take care.