CoSC

Hello all, I ran across this forum a few weeks ago and wrote a short intro but have since forgotten my username/password. So here goes again...

A little bit about myself... I got sober for the first time in 07. I was 21 and only wanted to get my license back so I had to take a course... Turned into IOP therapy. I hated it, at first. Back then my drug of choice was whatever, a whole lot of everything and pushed the limit on every one. In a span of 6 months I was a pall bearer at one of my best friends funerals, got the news I had a son on the way, and to top it all off was facing 25 yrs in prison.... Then sobriety for the first time since I was 13. My biggest downfalls were pot, alcohol, oxycontin, ex, coke... the list really doesn't end but in that order for the most part. I felt great, I gained weight, met the woman who is now my wife, have stayed out of jail, now have 3 beautiful kids and thought I was good to go...

Sorry for the ramble just a little background.

One thing I should mention, the treatment center I went to naturally couldn't bust me out on benzos, I had a script. Been on 3-5mg Xanax/day for ab 8 years now. I gave up everything but that one thing... In my mind it was legit. I was a nervous wreck. The only sober memories that I had were when I was a kid, so if I had to go out in public or do something "normal" I would have anxiety attacks that felt like pure hell... if you've been there than you know...

Fast forward to today. Currently still on the Xanax, and goin on about 3 yrs now on Adderall... Dxed with crohns 8 months ago and kick started that opiate addiction again.

So here I am today... "drug free" by todays standards... I can pass a drug test. I haven't so much as had a drink in almost ten months. But every month I run out of Adderall (prescribed 50mg/day), have run out in less than ten days before. Still occasionally run out of Xanax... And have perks and tabs on call whenever I "need" them.

Sorry for the long post... I went through IOP and got clean. Dropped all my old friends, even got a different job to get away from dope and the life I lived.

But my dope man today is clean cut, super nice, even wears this bright white coat every time I see him and ive yet to see it with a speck of dust on it. The best part is hes got a license... No more runnin from the police, getting locked up, or bein the sorry pos I used to be... See before when I was doin "street" drugs including lots and lots of pills, I just had to change my surroundings... people, places, things... And it just so happened that about the time I got sober a lot of loose strings the local force had got tied up. But now I'll have to change doctors... And that's it? I know I abuse my meds. im a head and always will be. LOL I thought I could rise above the person I "was" to be better.

So here I am again, playin for keeps. kickin off the pain pills... again. Trying to get my wife to aid in weaning off the Adderall so im not a useless blob of **** for a week or two. And trying to figure out how in the hell even after those first two are knocked out I am going to stop the benzos...

I don't know how but I know I am. Think ima talk to my dr about givin me 1/2 the dosage per pill to start this wean ****. Longest ive been without is 3 days... 3 horrible, horrible, days...

So any advice on getting off of any of these will be appreciated. Namely kickin off of all three at once... and advice on how to deal with a wife who refuses to recognize what addiction is would be greatly appreciated too.

I couldn't tell ya how many times I've pictured myself before the Lord with a bottle of pills in my hand... And I just think damn... Then I pop another pill...

Anyway thanks in advance for the replies. If you know of any supplements to aid in providing energy and focus that would be great too. And to everybody/anybody whos kickin now, keep ya head up. If u can remember what its like to be sober, even a tiny sliver of a memory, that's something. One day all this will be a distant memory... Just stay away from the drs office. No ****...

Coldfusion

Let us know if you have any questions! I came here because I didn't understand why the NA program talked about "God." My wife still doesn't get it...