Intimacy, dont want sex sober
 

~ well as some of you have read....I was sober 12 years and went back out for 5....I only drank weekends..but wasnt always this way for the 5 years. (guess none of that matters.)

My issue now is....i met a man 14 months ago....we had sex on the first date,..( i probably never wouldnt of, if wasnt drinking)
...i barely remember the sex.
second date...same thing..and then mostly sex on weekends when my son was with his dad...so i was drunk for most of our intimacy. Black outs...so i remember bits and pieces.

I dont want sex sober. (yes i was raped in my 20s...and most of my life i was drunk when having sex) im 53 now.

Im not sure i want to even have sex sober.

hes a good man and stands behind me not drinking...but he could go either way...if i want to drink..he wont be bothered by that either.


not sure what to do.

i almost feel like being alone alone now....i have no desire to hang with him while not drinking......he says he wants to help, but my brain sees him as my drinking partner...i guess.

he married two addicts in his past ......please help.

I have intimacy issues that stem from child hood...they are not easy ones to get over. BUT, it is possible. Have you ever talked with a therapist? I have seen a few in my lifetime and they have been really helpful.

How were you feeling when you were sober for those 12 years? Did you find relationships more fulfilling?

I was with my ex...we had children together...it was different.
But i always felt a disconnect in bed usually.

I totally get it. My sex drive is completely gone. I was compiling a mental grocery list the last time that i had sex! So utterly disconnected. I guess the only thing to do is keep trying. *shrug*

Honey, this is one you will have figure out for yourself. I don't even get into relationship issues with the girls I sponsor. Maybe someone here can help or post on Alanon site. Best of luck.

hmmm...ok.

perhaps i can delete this post then.

anyone pls help me to delete it.

thx