ppatterson

Well I've pretty much been a drinker since age 18 when I went into the Marines. I go through stages like most I assume do where I drink and it's not a problem. Other times I drink everyday of the week for months at a time with only a day or two off a month.
13 years ago I was drinking every day and got a DUI. I was put on probation for a year with no drinking allowed. I was clean for that entire year. I actually got into pretty good shape as well. However I began to drink again. Very little at the beginning. Then the drinking increased.
I go through months of sobriety mostly to slim down. I am back at my max weight of 276 lbs and I am 6'1" tall. I wake up most mornings exhausted and wishing I could sleep longer. I tell myself I need to quit drinking. By the end of the work day I feel just fine and decide to have something to drink again.
Here's my biggest problem. I do most of my drinking as I am driving on the way home from work. My wife doesn't even know that I do. I usually drink 6 cans of beer but sometimes 8. I usually will get beer by the house and go inside and have a couple before going to bed just to keep the buzz going. Another DUI would probably result in a short bit of jail time. However, I've been doing this on and of for 24 years with only 1 DUI. I dont' hardly ever drink liquor and don't drink and black out. However my memory is not what is use to be. I have six kids, four of which are at home and I feel awful. I sometimes think about suicide but that's just me feeling sorry for myself. I want to quit but don't have the money to seek professional help. I wouldn't anyways because that would open my dirty little secret to my wife that I am drinking and driving on the way home from work everyday.
I hope to some day be sober or at the very least a more responsible drinker.
That's my story.

sunshinefiend

Hey man, thanks for sharing. I wouldnt call it a dirty little secret. I assume your wife loves you being she had 4 kids for you. I wouldnt underestimate a wifes love and strength and the amount of help she may offer you in your struggle. I would open up.. because you cant do this alone. You sound like a tough guy but youre no match for alcohol. If you want to continue your privacy then I suggest AA meetings. But you gotta open up!! or else its useless... Obviously this is cliche but the first step is to admit you have a problem and stay away from rationalizing your addiction. You might be motivated by the men and women who have very similar stories and overcame their addiction (big or small, dont compare)
Maybe some research on the physical effects of alcohol (diabetes, high blood pressure,stroke,colitis, liver dysfunction) might shed some light on the severity of habitual drinking.
Again, thanks for sharing.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

Please stop doing this.

All it takes is one wrong move, one hesitation, one slow reaction, and you, or someone else's, life may be changed forever.

There's a saying - you can't save your face and your butt at the same time.
I think thats true for most, if not all, of us.

It would be great if we could just stop, never had to confide in anyone or never had to ask for help - but if we could do that there'd be no need for SR, or recovery groups or rehabs.

I think your wife already knows, and your kids - if they don;t know the specifics they know somethings not right.

reach out and get some help ppaterson. Make some changes. You'll be glad you did

D

ppatterson

Thank you for your reply. I hope I can kick this before something bad happens.

ppatterson

I am concerned about my drinking and driving as well. I'm sad that at this point in my life that I cannot just quit considering all of the bad things that can happen.

2granddaughters

I couldn't quit either until I committed to Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R

Richierich777

So what is so sad? You much have a job and a good family? Thanks for serving in the military, I did as well. You seem like a tough dude and pretty sure you know drinking and driving will either kill you or someone else. You as a former Marine and always a Marine, should do the right thing. AA meetings are free and I went and listened and started talking about what bothered me and why I drank. Hey problems will always be there, and guess what? You can tell strangers and they will listen like us. Good luck and we are here for you.

Hevyn

Thank you for serving in the USMC, ppaterson. I think you'll find SR a very helpful place.

I drank for 30 yrs. I never got a dui until the very end of my drinking career. Then I got 2 in a short span of time. It changed everything. Everyone ended up knowing because I could no longer drive to work. If we keep playing with it, it will catch up with us - give it time. I hope you will give up that habit and decide on a sober life. I'm so glad to be free of that poison.

Anna

I hope you look around here and see that it can be done. We do understand how hard this is.

least

Yes, please please don't drink and drive! I realize your reasons are to hide your drinking, but as Dee said, all it takes is one accident and then your whole life changes for the worse and everyone knows your 'dirty little secret'. Why not give AA a try? It's anonymous and might be a great help in stopping drinking. I wish you the best.