This sucks
 

Made it 5 days then my neighbor offered me a beer while we were fixing our shared fence. I should've said no but I didn't. Now it's two days drunk later. My outward life is awesome. Sure I lost my marriage but I don't think that would have lasted anyway. I have a great job, awesome kids, nice home, etc. I can't figure out why I keep doing this to myself?? I know when my addiction, aka escape from pain, started. When I was 9 years old two things happened. My parents got divorced and I was sexually assaulted. I'm a dude and I was raped at knife point at age 9 by a stranger. Anyway, that's when it all began. I started drinking (sneaking it from my mom) shortly after that. I never think about what happened anymore, even when sober, but I know that's why I'm where I'm at now. It's weird cuz the pain I wanted to escape from doesn't exist anymore but now the solution has become the problem. Help!!!

I am so sorry that happened to you when you were a child. I guess you have figured out that you cannot drink the memories away. Welcome to SR, and realizing that Alcohol isn't a solution. Once the pain of drinking outweighs the pain of sobriety, you will find the resolve to quit. I wish you peace and solace, and the will to find your sober path.

Thank you. I'm 42 years old now and no, I can't drink anything away. I tried but no go.

Ok so I'm passing judgement here. I tap in with my ugly story and get 1 reply. Someone else taps in with a hello, after me, and gets 7. That says a lot about humanity. **** you all. Well, except losteverything. Thank you. :)

Uhm, what you posted is some really heavy stuff. It certainly taps into some of my past and it's not always easy, or wise, to quickly respond just for the sake of responding. (that and it is Monday).

Anyway, I just don't want you to feel like we're not "listening". We are.

ETA: Losteverything's post pretty much speaks for me as well. At least at this point.

Absolutely. It takes some time to formulate a clear and useful answer sometimes. We take your story very seriously, as is a simple hello. Hello is easier to answer quickly. That's all. I think.

So sorry you went thru that as a child. You are right when you say the solution became the problem...that's how it happened with my drinking too. I have been sober for over 4 months by using AA and SR. What do you think would be a good recovery plan for you?

I know. I'm being overly sensitive. I shouldn't have posted that reply. Twas a quick response to a just as quick feeling. Sorry.

think nothing of it, good you're here

Hey there.

It sounds like you're really hurting, and rightfully so. I cannot imagine enduring such a traumatic event at such a young age. I think about my young child, and am horrified that such evil people lurk in our world. I'm so sorry for what you have been through.

Give the site a chance, and a little time. There are some great people here with much to offer in the way of support. We are on your side.

I'm sorry you are going through all this. I only lasted 2 days...then it became the weekend and i drank. I am 28 years old and struggling to get completly sober. I drink away my problems to even though some of them dont really bother me anymore. This week marks 2 years since my mom died from acute liver failure....and it seems like a good enough reason to drink to me. I know it sounds crazy but evey reason seems like a good en ough one to drink. I just want you to know you are not alone in this struggle.

Are you working any kind of recovery program? I'm sober four and a half years in AA. The 12 Steps are really designed to change you from the inside out, so you don't have the knee-jerk need to deal with strong feelings by drinking. I know you don't feel like the childhood rape affects you any more--maybe that's true, or maybe you have just buried it deep--but for me, I had learned to respond to any anxiety-producing incident by having a drink or ten. I might be feeling happy or sad or neutral, but it becomes a go-to response.

It's more, and deeper, than just a bad habit, like biting your nails. The disease becomes who you are--and if all you do is take away the alcohol, there is nothing to take its place.

If you haven't been to an AA meeting, I suggest you give it a try. It can change your life.

Hello. I am happy to see that you have some knowledge as to why you are doing what you are doing. Have you been in any type of therapy for what happened to you? Do you think it would help?

My drinking problem began as a thinking problem. When I dwell on the traumatic things in my life that happened, I create anxiety and depression and the alcohol doesn't solve it, but It either feeds the sad feelings or numbs the anxious ones. Its selfish. My drinking also creates completely ridiculous situations, and down right causes shame embarrassment and guilt. Drinking can not be an option for me anymore. I can't be out of control, do something stupid, say I'm sorry and repeat. Drinking takes me to a very bad place. That's why I have decided to get help and quit drinking.

I am sorry that you had such an awful experience. I hope you find support here. Sobriety is a good thing. Embrace it. :)

Thank you all. Ummm....I don't have any answers. I attempted suicide when I was 17 (like really tried, 3 bottles of sleeping pills, coma for a week) and spent a couple of months in psych hospitals. Over the years I've been to rehab a few times, psych stays a couple of times, and so on. No answers. AA has never worked for me cuz I'm an atheist/agnostic/whatever. I think I'd like the sober community part of AA but the religious side of it just turns me away. I guess that's why I'm here.

I have a lot of reasons for drinking. My dad was an alcoholic, I was also abused in 5th grade, divorce, and a ton of things I could list. All that stuff is the Ick. You will need to get that out to maintain sobriety. It is hard and there may be feelings that come out once you stop self medicating. It was a very rough 30 days for me once I got sober to deal with everything. I was honest with myself and looked very hard at my true feelings and emotions. Get it out to start and build a foundation for sobriety.

iwantthis, check out the Secular Recovery forums here. There are plenty of options that aren't religion based.

You might want to read the chapter in the AA Big Book "We Agnostics." it may help you understand that you don't have to believe in God or have a religious affiliation to go to AA. The program has helped millions. It is saving my life. I hope you can find something that works for you. :welcome

Hello iwantthis - we're very glad you're here with us. I'm sorry for the pain you've had to endure in your life. No one would blame you for wanting to get numb at times. I commend you for realizing it can't be a long term solution, though. It's not easy to come to that conclusion - I fell back on alcohol to cope for 30 yrs.

Finding SR was my answer. (That and realizing I'd face death if I didn't quit.) Once I didn't feel alone anymore, I was filled with relief. I found the strength to let go of my ridiculous way of living. I understand how easy it was to accept that beer from your neighbor - I did the same thing many times - but you can get free. We believe you will.

I drank to mask depression and anxiety and for a short time it worked. Then it just made the depression and anxiety worse, but I had to be sober for a while to realize that. Stay strong. You can do this.:)