quitforme79

I stay sober w SR & AA. It definitely gets easier as long as you have a solid recovery program. Different stroke for different folks. For me I felt a lot better physically & mentally after 2 months... The cravings really decreased after that too. I have heard its sooner for some people but that's my experience. Glad you found us!

flujays

I wish you so much luck, love and support. I know exactly how you feel. I made a complete fool and drunken ass of myself many times in front of collegues, family, friends etc, I wish you the best for tomorrow. Thanks so much for posting. I will keep you informed of my progress or lack thereof. Wish me luck too. Hugs to you.

least

Yes it does get easier with time. I found that by three months or so I was feeling so much better sober that my desire to drink was going away. The biggest thing I did to make the desire go away was to be grateful. To count my blessings. Every day I'd find something to be grateful for. It really made a difference in my perspective and helped me stay sober.

ivegotsunshine

Flujay, bet you didn't know so many of us did the same stuff huh?
I'm not a real church goer but my Husband and I went to our friend's memorial mass today. He died 5 years ago alone in his bed and laid there for over a day after a massive heart attack. He was 37 and lived a pretty indulgent life style.
Anyways, the point I wanted to make was at the mass it was all about making your misery face mercy. Forgive yourself quick. I know how you feel being embarrassed and ashamed but please forgive yourself.
Start mking the chnges you need to help feel better. Your husband will come Long for the ride. When he sees your happiness there's no way he can argue wether or not you made the right decision.
Peace to you!!

ClearLight

Hey Flu -
A lot of us have done crazy, insane things. I sure have. Not going to list them because what's the point.
As to staying sober there's a tremendous amount of info here at this site. There are a number of different approaches to consider. You'll discover them as you get familiar with this site and read the posts.
The only thing I can offer is that you have to be involved with your sobriety every day. That means you have to do something that is part of maintaining your sobriety. For many it's an AA meeting. For others it's this site. For others it's a combination of systems.
For me it means I need to be physically involved in my sobriety every day.
If you work at it you can get sober and stay sober.
Take care.

shauninspain

Flujays - You have described me PERFECTLY. The similarities are phenomenal. Perhaps the only difference is that I become threatening and violent when in blackout. But I know that I have a tremendous amount of anger, resentment and self pity within me, even when I am sober. This comes flying out when drunk.

Like you I recently made a total spectacle of myself. If it were just me that I affected that would be bad enough. But I have hurt others, and that really cuts me to the bone. I have known for many years that I cannot have one drink. I recently experimented with the notion again, and for a few days I could walk away after 4-5 shots. Then, on Thursday evening, I went berserk. Have been told to leave our accommodation by the housing committee. I feel like dirt. Woke up this morning with a very heavy heart. After reading your post I know I am not alone, and nor are you. Far from it. But I really do believe that if I continue to reach out and open myself up on this forum, I have a chance of releasing my deepest fears in a safe environment.

At first I doubted if it was a good idea to open up on the internet. But heck, I don't care anymore. I have to stop binging, and now will go to any lengths to do so.

Please know that what has happened to you will pass, and that everything that you currently feel will get easier. But you must strike whilst the iron is hot and start your recovery NOW.

shauninspain

I just read another of your posts. You mentioned that you were adopted. Waddayouknow! So was I. There is no doubt that I used to blame by adoption and everything that goes with it, for my alcoholism. I am still sure that it did affect my ability to connect with people and form real deep relationships. Which has caused me many problems, and I have drunk on those problems. Adoption is difficult to understand, and how it makes you feel, if you have not been adopted. I had a daughter 19 years ago, and when she was 2 my partner left, because she couldn't deal with me anymore. Fortunately I did not loose contact with my girl, in fact we spoke last night on Skype.

Anyway, just thought I would let you know that you're not alone.

ReadyAtLast

Welcome flujays

i can relate as was exactly the same. Binge drinking became every day drinking at home eventually for me too. You are not alone or a bad person.It only gets worse,not better but if you stop drinking you don't ever have to go through that again.

BEAUTIFULIFE

Welcome xo
~ Ive been there....a few times. Over and over again. Got sober when my youngest was an infant. Was sober for about 12 years. Decided to "try it" again, since I was older and in a better place, perhaps I can "control" my drinking.

I got up to almost 2 bottles of wine..(usually drink fast) ...then realized I needed to cut back...had numerous black outs, but keep pushing them aside. Got down to half a bottle...(sometimes), then skip a day and the next a whole bottle.

Im into fitness and eating clean, so this is a huge contradiction to to my lifestyle or what I show the world. I have it under control, Meaning....I wont drink about my "baby" anymore...he is now 17. He has seen me drunk.

I had my last drink Saturday night....Im hoping I can do this again.

My kids are older now....believe me, you wont want the guilt of them seeing you drunk.

keep coming back here...oxo

Louise82

I said and did disgusting things when I was drinking. In my first few days sober, I was so ashamed of the things I've done over the years. But with each passing day of sobriety I'm learning to forgive myself a little more and the more sober time I have, the less ashamed I feel of my past.

It is my desire that you find the support and peace of mind you deserve, both through SR and anywhere else you're meant to get it from.

You never have to drink again.

instant

Flujay welcome SR. Whilst superficially my life was going well. I was living in a private hell. I had progressed to everyday drinking years ago. I had been trying in vain to moderate, control etc for years. I was rotating bottle shops, and was increasingly isolated, even within my family.

I am coming up for 22 months sober. I feel like I am really living now. The urges and all the internal struggle, autopilot stuff fades. Not drinking is no big deal, I put it in the same category as not smoking, or avoiding sugar in diabetes. Having said that at the beginning the idea I'd "going without" made me edgy and brought me out in a cold sweat of dread.

Woodswalker

Yesterday is I hope the last day i have ever had a drink. What made me decide this? After a long day of drinking at a St. Paddys day celebration--I get home and log on to facebook and theres photos Im tagged in of my drunk ugly self. Im done. Done being the drunk obnoxious slob at the party. Done embarrassing my kids, my self. Not too sure how im going to do it, but I found this site and im ready to start trying.

bobby8713

hey flujays, sorry it took so long to get to your first post on here, just got home from work a little bit ago,I understand that feeling when it comes to the drinking, I've had many nights that were like that, my drinking got so bad at one point, it actually pretty much ruined my first marriage with my ex wife, and it started to hurt me badly financially in the end and it was effecting me with my job, so I finally got the courage to just stop, I've been 8 days sober now and it's going good, I just hope it starts getting easier with the urge to drink. I hope you get the courage soon to quit and go into sobriety, good luck to you and congratulations on finding this place to seek help.

flujays

Your post could almost have been written by me, except that my children are still young. I am terrified of not being able to reach long term sobriety. I know I never want to drink again, but I wish it were that simple. I ran a half marathon 18 months ago and it's been all down hill ever since. Don't know why i hit the bottle so hard after the marathon, I suspect I burnt myself out with a very heavy training schedule which caused me a knee injury and after that, I stopped exercising, started drinking and now I've put on 15kgs. I feel like such a loser!

The one thing I'm trying to focus on is being there and present and sober for my wonderful children. They think the sun shines out of me and it terrifies me that one day they may not respect me anymore. But having said that, sobriety is something one has to do only for themselves isn't it? I just hope I can get the strength to succeed at this.
Yesterday I drank again to kill the pain of the humiliation of my behaviour over the weekend. I just couldn't cope with it. But today is another day and today I will not drink.

SophieB

Flujay.. Your earlier post about some practical advice ..what does your day look like without drinking?? That was a big thing for me because my days and nights always looked the same..drinkfest. When was I going to drink? What liquor store should I frequent today? How should I hide it? Who all was going to try and call me or text or stop by they could check up on me ? Who is mad at me now? How was I going to avoid that...

Uuh enough .... it was a full time job trying to navigate all that crap. Then I got the pleasure of feeling totally hungover, sick, depressed, ashamed and the guilt. It was awful.

Now my days are not always easy I will not lie and tell you that, but they are sooo much better. I have structure and a daily , weekly plan of what needs to be done and I actually do it. From the hard things to the really simple like cleaning laundry, paying bills etc. And people ( my children included) are now happy with me and glad to be around me. All that keeps my sober days piling up slowly but surely

Hevyn

Hi Flujay. Like you - alcohol turned me into someone I didn't even recognize. I thought people were surely lying when they'd repeat things I had said. My mind doesn't even work that way - but I guess it does when I'm drunk. I completely sympathize with what happened to you.

I'm glad you are owning what happened and reaching out to do something about it. We know you can do this. Many of us - like me - drank our whole lives, and are now free. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. We care.

flujays

Well my drinking pattern is quite weird actually. I run my own busines as well as my husband's business from home. I do all the cooking and cleaning I do all the school drop offs and pickups as well as soccer training twice a week and a game every saturday. You may ask how I can find the time to drink with all the stuff I have to do. Would you believe me if I said I used to wash the dishes with a glass of wine right there on the bench next to me? Would you believe me if I told you I would have a glass of wine with me in the bathroom while cleaning it? Or that I would have a glass of wine with me as i did the vacuming? All true. In fact house work is one of my triggers - don't laugh, guess I'll have to avoid housework for a while!

flujays

Forgot to mention, my other MAJOR trigger is it being Friday. That's right it's a day of the week trigger. Shame I can't just skip Friday's and go straight to Saturday.

Nattythreads

Flu

Get a house cleaner in. And make sure she's not a drinker.

Trigger point sorted!

tomsteve

when i was early on in recovery, i had a day that the cravings were reeeeeealy strong. for some reason, about 10 that night i called a friend and told him about it.
he said,"tom, how bout this.theres only 2 hours left in today. why dont ya not drink tonight, go to bed, and if ya feel like drinkin tomorrow, go for it, but give me a call first."
sounded good. so the next day the cravings got bad quick, so i called my friend to teel him i was goin to drink." ok, you said if i feel like drinkin tomorrow, go ahead but call ya 1st, so im letttin ya know im doin it."
he said,"well, yer a flat out liar. its not tomorrow...its today and you said you wont drink today."


the point: i only have one day to not drink and thats today. the one day at a time approach has been workin pretty good for a few 24hrs. yup, gettin sober was a bugger. staying sober has been pretty easy.