RocketQueen

Last night I allowed myself to have 2 vodka and OJ's with dinner with only half a shot of vodka in each. Thats all I had. I certainly wasn't drunk, and didn't feel the need to have any more than that. Both drinks were consumed over maybe a 3 hour period. Does the fact that I ingested any amount of alcohol mean that I failed? Or was it just a minor setback?

RQ

neferkamichael

RocketQueen, is your goal to stop drinking altogether?

Dee74

what do you think RQ?

For me, it's not about volume or whether I got drunk or not.....with the devastation my drinking caused me and others, drinking again is not a win.

D

avocado

Only you can truly answer that question. I am not 100% opposed to the idea that I'll ever be able to enjoy a drink again. I just know that it's a very bad idea right now. Personally, I'm giving myself no less than a year before I even consider the thought that maybe I'll have a beer. You need to look deep within yourself and decide if drinking is a good idea for you. However, what's done is done, so there's no point in dwelling on the fact that you had a few drinks last night and considering it a 'failure' of any kind. Sobriety isn't a contest.

Coldfusion

That's an interesting way to put it: "You allowed yourself." Are there two people here, one who allows and one who imbibes?

Gottalife

I wouldn't call it a failure, maybe it's a learning opportunity. It may be that the break you have had and the thinking you have done has cleared things up a bit, and perhaps you will be able to moderate your drinking in future. It happens.

On the otherhand, if you are as alcoholic as I was, you may find over a period of time that your drinking progresses back to problem levels. Then you may have to reconsider what needs to be done.

duane1

As an alcoholic, drinking isn't an option for me. So do you consider yourself an alcoholic?

instant

There is no "failing" . There is only wether you are in control, if you can sustain it and when goals you have. I failed to stick to my promises to myself so many many times. In the end sobriety for me was the easiest option.

deeker

For me 1 is to many and a 1000 is not enough, If it was me I am quite sure I would be off to the races in a very short time. Not willing to take that chance. My track record proves I can not drink socially for very long. I think i'll trust it.

ReadyAtLast

If your aim is to quit drinking then maybe look at why you picked up,rather than what you call it.For me, drinking anything would just be the start of horrendous drinking again. All the times I've stopped before and gone back to it have started with just 1 drink,then maybe 2 the following night.I thought I'd sorted it,was cured and didn't have a problem. It didn't then take long for my drinking to escalate into madness again

mecanix

I see my sobriety as a dam , with proper maintenance it is a safe place to live . I'd be concerned if i saw leaks . I don't actualy feel the desire to drink nowdays though , ever, at all .

That's me though , how do you feel about it ?

M

DarkDays

Too me its drinking. Its all about keeping the obsession alive , and by entertaining alcoHELL that is what you are doing.

Free yourself from the slavery of toxins by NOT drinking alcohol ever again.

Its unbelievably liberating.

Grind it out, see the cravings for what they are, never give in.

Good luck.

Threshold

Doesn't sound like you fell of the wagon. You got off on your own accord. The question is do you want to get back on. Most of us found it's easier to get back on if we don't spend too much time wandering around and let the wagon get far off and out of sight. It's harder to have to run after it to catch up, and it seems to get harder with age.

fallingtogether

It was my experience that:
Friday: had some wine. Didn't get wasted, but def buzzed
Next Friday: had a couple again
Next Friday: wine, drinks with husband, black out
Final Thur, fri, sat: drank a box of wine, drank at work, and hit a bottom like no other.

All of this after nearly 4 months of sobriety.
Failure? Not really. Defeated? Yes. Program restart? Absolutely.
Failure is negative, as there were positive lessons learned here.
I know I can't so this alone. I just need to constantly remember where it leads me. To a place I don't want to revisit!

Michael66

Hi RQ,

Like others I would say it depends on your goal. If you had chosen to try total abstinence then, yes, you fell off the wagon. But if you aimed to moderate your drinking then it sounds fine. The question is whether your plan was to stop or to reduce your drinking. Like others my only option is to never drink again, but now I wouldn't want it any other way as I love sobriety.

sugarbear1

Drinking and being able to stop after several just fools us and makes us think we don't have a problem.

I did this for years.

You can start your day one today, if you choose to do so!

Zebra1275

If you have a drinking problem (and why else would you be a member here?) then I think you are only fooling yourself.

I could drink like you did last night and quit after two.

Within a week I would drink again. After all, I've now proven I can stop after two drinks. I might even pull of this "Russian roulette" again, but before long I would be drunk and out of control.

soberclover

I respect your post RQ and the responses to this thread is just what this alcoholic needs to hear. I learned the hard way that I cannot just have a few in moderation/social drinking or whatever I decided to call it at the time. I also realize that not everyone is the same. I think RQ that the answer will come to you as to what right action you need to take.

Nattythreads

Bit of a bizarre question, tbh. If you didn't want to drink again then you did. If you were planning on picking up again - and you still kept some vodka in the house you said which says to me you were - then no you didn't.

Like us all on here, we can only really speak for ourselves. In my case, I've conclusively proved on multiple occasions that moderation doesn't work for me and therefore is not an option.

It's only experience and brutal honesty with yourself that will enable you to judge if that is something that can work for you.

If it is, more power to your elbow. If it isn't, most of us I hope will still be on here for you.

RobbyRobot

When we have any history of problems in our lives with drinking, and we then attempt to control our drinking hoping to then also control whatever problems we had, or have, we have finally painted ourselves into an unwanted corner.

In my drinking history, every drink I had didn't instantly destroy my life, and have me regretting I was ever born. Often enough a drink is just a drink, even for an alcoholic. Its when a problem does arise, what does it take to solve that problem? If quitting drinking solves the problem from coming up, the writing is really on the wall then anytime I return to drinking. All this quitting, drinking, quitting, drinking eventually and soon enough becomes a problem itself.

Things take on an kind of scary desperation when simply having a couple or three drinks has a person publically or privately asking "is that okay?", "did I do wrong?", "have I failed?"

A drink itself is meaningless to me now that I'm sober, but it was also just as useless when I was drinking too. Drinking was not working anymore as I way for me to whatever. Drinking made everything even more impossible then it already was, lol.

The really weird thing about drinking is I haven't had a drink in 30+ yrs, and if I had a couple last night, and then asked folks the same question as you have done RocketQueen, I would get the same answers. I might also get a few "wow. 30 yrs?! wtf?"

So even after 30+ yrs, and then a return to drinking, I would have the same challenges as you if i was asking the same questions.

Let me ask you RocketQueen, if I did what you did, would you think my returning to drinking was a failure? Or was there some valuble lesson that I could learn from?