LaPrisonier

Hello. I,... I have been trying to stop drinking for awhile with very little success. I only drink at night (anxiety attacks and Insomnia) maybe 12 to 6oz. Now that I've been trying to quit I realize that without the haze of alcohol the clarity and degree at which I hate my life and what I have become (nothing) is immense. As someone else said "I hated my life while on alcohol and I hate it even more sober." I feel I have no ability to change my lot, and sense I have rolled the die, the blame is on me. Someone once asked me why I wake up every morning?" I have no reason to wake every morning. I drank to escape my life, it's still here, it's still not the life I wanted. I've tried making changes only to fall even further from where I had started.

I have no support system. Even though I've told my family I'm trying to quit; at this moment there are 2 very large bottles of wine, 1 24 ounce can or beer, 3 small bottles of whiskey and a 6 pack of ale, in my home. Not bought by myself. Which I have not touched in a week. The craving for alcohol is not there. The craving to block out my reality with alcohol is.

I can't seem to make it past the front door any more. I've alienated myself because of how much I hate what I have become. Reaching out to my family does not seem to help. So this is me, on the raggedy edge. Looking for help and guidance. If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time out to read this.

also, sorry for the wall of text.

LaPrisonier

Thank you for replying Savvoy. I feel very alone and lost and the drinking would wash over me like a wave and I didn't care anymore. I stayed drunk for awhile or just in bed. Any ray of hope is appreciated.

chicory

Hello and welcome! This is an awesome place, and glad you found it.
There are many people here, with stories like yours, who have found sobriety and their joy again. so there is hope, always!
you are here, aren't you? You can do this. it might take time to clear the bad, so you can see the good.
my best wishes for you, and hope you stick around.

do one thing positive today-read some of the stories here, and see the hope.

hug
chicory

misspond

Hi there - there are so many stories here, so many people who have come through what you have, each in their own different way. It's inspiring and empowering to be here, so make the best use of it and the people here who will support you.

I agree with what Chicory has said, read some of the stories here and start to feel as though you can beat this too.

LaPrisonier

Thank you both Chicory and Misspond I didn't even think to read the success stories on this site. I want to beat this, I thought I could on my own but some days I don't have the will.

Dee74

Welcome LaPrisonier

I think most of us have felt like prisoners of our addiction - I know I did.

I think the keys to change are making the changes we need to make in our lives, and find the support to help carry those out.

I was scared to face reality for a lot of years - when I finally did I found my fear of reality was far greater than the reality itself.

Perhaps you'll find the same LaP?

D

misspond

Yes it didn't occur to me either to read some of the success stories at first but interestingly, as you work your way through different threads you'll read the stories of people who have come through their dark days and who are reaching out to the rest of us, as well as those who are still fighting their battles daily. Then I went off to read some success stories and it really fills me with positivity that so many people don't keep believing the lies told by their Beasts or AV's or cravings or disbelief or whatever they want to call it. xx

Anna

I agree with you that stopping the alcohol is not enough. There's more work to be done. Like you, I hated my life and I began drinking to cope with insomnia, anxiety, depression. When I finally stopped drinking, most of what I believed about myself had fallen away. I had lost myself and had to start over. You can change and you can be happy with the life you create for yourself. Recovery is an ongoing journey and you can take small, but consistent steps to shape your life.

2granddaughters

I was you in 1989.

In AA I found that I didn't have to drink anymore and the Promises began to come true. They are why I'm here today. I'm trying to give them to you....

The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

THE A.A. PROMISES

"The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

All the best.

Bob R

LaPrisonier

@Misspond I read through some of the recovery stories although I did feel buoyed, the journey seems lengthy. Unfortunately I have the attention span of a gnat. I'm working on it though. At least I know now that its not as impossible as it feels.

@Anna I'm desperate to believe you are right. It would fit the day I decide to stop forever I reach for the bottle of wine... twice. So far so good though.

@twograndaugters, you reminded me how much I've let my spirituality slip to the weigh-side. I'm trying to just start with prayer because of how much I've deteriorated from what I use to be; I honestly just don't want to be seen.

Hevyn

Welcome LaPrisonier. Be proud of yourself for wanting to change your life. Some never realize what they're doing to themselves until it's too late.

I drank for over 30 yrs., and joining SR was the best thing I could've done. Once I found the nerve to open up - I no longer felt alone. I was so hopeful when I saw how others had succeeded - & I found the courage to finally stop.

You can leave that old life behind, LaP. We're so happy to have you with us.