sugarbear1

If you celebrated Christmas in any way, you are ten times more "religious" than I am.

The 12 steps of AA saved my life. Cocaine is more of a mind game than a physical addiction. I stopped the cocaine, it took effort, but it can be done. You have to know in your mind how bad it is for you and stick with NOT doing it. Dealers don't like it, but they can be talked to and often will help you not do it.

I know you can stay stopped!!

Hugs,
~SB

dreamuplife

Funny you say that, the only reason Christmas isn't just another day for me is because my famil(ies) expect me to show up to their gatherings. I don't get people gifts, or tell people I want gifts. ( I feel it'd be rude to deny them though. ) No Christmas tree in my house or anything like that! But thanks for the advice! I'm glad the 12 steps helped you! The proactive 12 steps are basically the same, just worded differently so easier for me to understand. Easier in the sense where I don't have to think of "God" or "Him" in an alternative way. I know they say god as you understand him, but I don't understand "him" at all. And I don't really want to refer to something as "him" or "god". If you haven't read the proactive 12 steps, you may want to and you may see why they would be a littler easier to grasp.

flutter

I don't know..it's hard. Though alcohol was my 'drug of choice' I had a pretty strong cocaine addiction for a good year or two in college. The only way I quit, was to seriously change everything.. my location, my friends, my job.. I had to get away from it, I can't imagine how far I would have gone if I had continued access to it. The addiction to coke is almost purely psychological.. that makes it REALLY difficult to say no to. I'm glad you're here, lots of us have a ton of sober time and have fought the battle you're fighting, and have succeeded. "Just stop" seems silly, but it's the only way. If I were you, I'd get your butt to an NA meeting, or find a counselor who specializes in addiction, or both. Just to have some proactive work (and hope) on your end. I wish there were easy answers and fixes for this stuff.

flutter

Oh, and if you haven't already, visit the "substance abuse" board, there are a lot of people over there recovering from cocaine, crack, meth (and other things of course) that might have some good insight too.

dreamuplife

Thank you. I have been over there. I'm really appreciative of all the things people have to say.

sugarbear1

thanks, dreamuplife! I've worked through those 12 steps a few times, each time having amazing results!

I'm still not religious in any way, I accept others' ways of expressing themselves in meetings, but I came to believe (over a period of time) that there may just be some kind of power greater than I out there in the universe!

I'll have 22 months of sobriety tomorrow!

I hope you can stay stopped!! It's a whole new world out there!

dreamuplife

There may be, we will never know!
Congratulations, I hope you can continue that and I can join you! I'm looking forward to that new world, and maybe some daylight. I'm only awake when it's dark it seems!

2granddaughters

Hello:
I'm going to ask you to do one thing, one thing that may be the most important thing right now.

Please don't prejudge NA. I have been an active member of AA for almost 24 yrs and I am not a Christian, I am not "religious". Neither is NA.
My very first meeting was an NA meeting.

If you get to the point where you don't want to romance the drug any more. Where you are aware that your life is on a slippery slope... on thin ice ... and getting thinner. Where you feel that you are circling the drain and the things that you do just make the situation worse.

Then you are just about ready for NA. You are ready to quit fighting and justifying ... and surrender. When you are ready to surrender your recovery will begin.

I was 45 yrs old when I came to recovery... beaten and hopeless. Lost the will to live.

You are 18 !! I needed it at 18 and just couldn't break through the disease to grab the brass ring.

Do yourself a big favor. Say a prayer to whoever is listening, close your eyes and submit to NA.

You will be so glad shortly down the line as you will be aware that your decision saved your life.

The doors of NA are not locked. You are responsible to save your own arse.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

dreamuplife

There wasn't a point that I prejudged NA. I simply said that I was looking at joining a group. I just found a slightly different worded set of 12 steps because the traditional ones are hard to wrap my head around.

trikyriky

Hi Dreamuplife . I am a crack addict 5 maybe 10 years lost track. Before that cocaine 25 + years. I now am only 3 days clean and facing my trigger Friday night and I will get paid. You have an advantage or two I didn't have. 1 you have this sight, there wasn't even an internet when I started using. Your age and the concert thing as long as you are goin with nonuser. I don't want you to end up where I am, broke and with a ton of debt and you will trust me if you don't stop now. Sounds me that u want to still use , don't. It's not worth it. I found help on this sight u just gotta listen

RightLAine

I know you can't "just stop" I have been trying to "just stop" drinking alcohol and its very hard. My problem is that my BF drinks to and he doesn't want to stop so alcohol is always in our house. I went 2 days this week without drinking anything and then last night I said F it and took a shot which turned into like 6. My point is I think if we are really serious about not doing what we usually do then we probably have to change the people & environment that surrounds us. Just as you said you can't easily leave your job I can't easily leave my BF we have 2 kids together , we have a mortgage we pay together. I can't just leave him so I have to find the strength in myself to not have a drink. I don't have all the answers for you but I want you to know your not alone and it's good we are both here b/c we can get positive support and feedback.

DryRoastJim

Hello and welcome! Be proud in yourself that you have taken the first step to recovery, by joining this board!

Everyone is right here, you need to stop and do it now! Please post your stories and definitely read other peoples on here! You will find good information and genuine inspiration on how to battle these demons. Learn everything you can about your addiction - knowledge is power!

From what I read, you may have a little more power then you realize. Your dealer is breaking the law, and because it is your grandfathers bar, I see no reason you cannot have this person banned from the bar!

I say this with caution though, could he cause you harm? Would he retaliate if you got him banned from the bar?

But no matter what happens, stopping the addiction is your #1 priority! With the support of this fantastic (and potentially life saving) resource, you can do it!

Take care and be well!