trixyq

Hello today is my first post and I'm not even sure where to start. I've been reading some other posts here and you folks seem like a wonderful bunch of people. I am a drug and alcohol addict. pain pills, beer and cocain. I'm 31 years old and I've been addicted to something sense I was 15 years old. I feel that I'm at the end of my line. I have ran away from everything good in my life now I sit in a state of depression. Can someone please tell me where to start how to start anything! I've gotten myself to the point where I cant even pick up a phone unless it's to call me dealer, I hate myself.
I always bragged that I'm a smart person and well guess I lied.
I dont really know if this msg is out of line or in the wrong place but I have no family or friends that I can go to with this so hopefully I'm at the right place.
Thank You

saltH20

i've been here for 4 days. you will be helped by ALL these peeps. some you'll relate to. ALL have a positive energy that will help you for sure. i suggest imersing yourself, thought i never say this, on the computer screen. stay or at least check it for as long as you can. all day and night.........there's a whole community here!

woodtick

Trixy,
I'm glad you have found the forum. Sorry you are feeling bad, most of us have been there also. No your post is not out of line. That is what this place is all about. I think you should start a recovery plan to get clean/sober and get going on it. After you start that then maybe start thinking about seeing your doctor for your depression. There is hope. There are plenty of people here to help you along. You are not alone.

Dan

Hi Trix, I'm Dan, an addict in recovery. Sounds like it's time for a change. First thing you gotta do is not use today. If you have, that's cool. Let it ride. You ask where to start, how to start anything. Well for me, I got sick enough one day that I went to a meeting. http://www.na.org/
That was the first thing for me. I sat for an hour with a bunch of sober people and listened. I was a wreck emotionaly and physicaly. I cried a lot. A perfect stranger gave me a hug.
When the drink and the drug stop working for us, we either go on chasing the dragon until we die, or we take a chance and do something addiction taught us we can't do. We ask for help. In the rooms of AA and NA, I have found other people just like me. I call them now instead of a dealer. It's cheaper. And you know what? Today can be a great day for you. You came here and found an awesome gang of crazy, loving addicts and alcoholics. We're crazy enough to love you for what you are. An addict, like us, looking for a helping hand. So sit tight. Others are coming to say hello. You're going to be all right. The solution is inside you, right there Trix. And welcome!

Gabe

Hey trixyq,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. Just by coming here, you have begun the process of helping yourself. Good for you!
Take a read around the boards. The power posts at the top of each forum are particularly helpful.
Others will be along soon to share their experience, strength and hope.
I'm glad you found us, stick around.
Peace,
Gabe

In memory of miracle

Trix-welcome to SR my name is Trish and I am an addict.looks like you have already made a good start by posting here!I am here to tell you there is hope for you as well as a new begining .I was also addicted to the drugs you shared about,I also had a pretty intense hatred for myself.I have not used for six months now because I wanted to get clean with all my heart and was sick and tired of bein sick and tired..I am grateful and happy to tell you that my life has gotten so much better and yours can too.I dont shove my support group at people but I works for me and millions of others,thats how I do it-one day at a time.Stick around keep postin,and let us love you until you can love your self...peace and prayers to you...

Dan

Trix, I forgot to tell you earlier. Being smart isn't a defense against addiction, quite the contrary I think. And if there's no NA meeting where you live, the AA crew are just as loving and helpful. All you need to regain your freedom is a desire to change and an open mind. Bunch of us get together online too. Check out the schedule on the main page.

mackat

Hi trix
i'm mack an addict. My first intervention was around cocaine. so i just switched to pot and booze. "Only' did pills when i needed to convince myself i wasn't addicted to booze!! Wacky disease at work here. I do NA/AA. like dan, i found much of what i had been really lookin for. Like you, i had trashed all the good in my life- was on the wrong side of empty, as they say. So now i do those meetings, do what the folks who have become winners are doing. even catch myself saying those silly little sayings "one day at a time" "easy does it"...
i'm 8 yrs clean n sober and man o man do i have a Big Life
you are not alone
mackat

JaySee

Hi Trixy

I'm JC and I'm an alcoholic. A Start.?? You've made a fantastic start by admitting to yourself you have a problem. I couldn't do that for years. There is plenty of advice here which is really helping me. I've been where you are now, and have felt the same. Hang around and keep posting.

much love

JC :throb

trixyq

Thank yous so much for your replies. I'm glad to know I"m in the right place. I have I guess taken the first step. I dont think that I will be able to quit without medical attention of some kind because if I even go more than 8 or so hours without pills my body beats me up and spits me out to the point of it would be better to be hit by a train. Do any of you have thoughts on in house rehab centers? Has anyone done this? To be quite honest I believe this may be my only way to a better life. The enviorment that I'm in will not support the idea of me going clean and sober.

Also thanks again for a wonderful welcome been a long time sense I heard uplifting things.
Trixy

Dan

I've been to rehab. Once I had detoxed, it was a logical next step.
If you need medical attention, DO NOT HESITATE AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL OR CALL YOUR DOCTOR. Detoxing is different for everyone and can be dangerous.
Yeah, in the end, residential treatment was my only option. It wasn't easy, but I learned so much.

JaySee

Trixy

Do you have a good relationship with your Doc.??

I went to see my doctor and was honest and straight with her about everything. She was very helpful. Put me in touch with Ad-Action (I think it is just a UK thing, but I'm sure there are similar) and helped me with withdrawal. It was a very positive step for me to take.

JC

ted

WELCOME TRIX,
GREAT BUNCH OF SOBRIETY HERE,
STICK AROUND,GET WELL.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
ted

Anna

Hi Trix,

I'd like to add my welcome to the others and confirm that you have taken the first big step by admitting to a problem and looking for help. This is a great place to come for support and understanding. I'm an alcoholic,and I definitely felt as lost as you do right now. It won't be an easy road, but you can do it. We're here to support you.

Love, Anna

trixyq

JC
I'm in a really messed up situation to say the least. I havent seen a doc in about 3 years. A while back (cant remember how long) I was living in NYC and i ended up high in a van and in Montreal QC now Im not Canadian I'm American so in Canada I'm basically just an illegal alien ie no med insurance. I think in order for me to get any help I would have to venture back to the states and show up in an emergancy room. Thing is I dont want to do this if they are going to say the same: sorry you have no job no insurance and theres nothing we can do. I know this seems like a messed up way to go about getting clean and help but at this point I"m not sure what else to do. But heres the good thing I am so damm serious about this that I'll try just about anything!:-)
Trixy

Dan

Cool. I'm not clear on exactly where you are though. Are you now in Montreal? A

Ann25

Hi Trixy,
My name is Ann and Im an addict. You definatly need to seek medical attention. When I came off the pills a year ago I was a mess! My bones hurt--I coulnt eat-sleep--or even move for that matter. I needed to go to the er. They helped me for the moment but I had to see a doctor --even just to get something to make me stop throwing up.
Getting off the pills was the hardest thing I ever done--even though I switched one addiction for another--Crack--stupid!!!!!! But thats the way it goes. Now I have to deal with that--Its gonna be hard but thats life. As for the depression--that needs to be addressed! If you are not mentally healthy then you wont be able to make the right choices--you will do what ever it takes to feel better! I think that is why I turned to pills in the first place. They made me feel happy--normal (if you can figure that) But if you need anything.........
You came to the right place--this site is awesome! Great people!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
Ann

trixyq

Hi Dan,
Yes I am in Montreal now but willing to jump on the first bus or thumb right back to the states in order to change my life around, I know that this is something I will have to do no matter what but I just need to make sure I take the bus to somewhere that I'll actually be able to go to an in house rehab because I have no fam or friends. I know this sounds like a big mess but I am hoping that it's not to late to clean it up.

As for the pills the same happens to me if I try to quit I'm sick I cant move speak eat sleep function at all. I've been comitted to these pills for 9 long years I really want out of this rut.

Thanks again everyone

Dan

http://www.naquebec.org/
I was born in Montreal Trix. Left 24 years ago. I'd venture a guess you can probably access some kind of treatment there. I'll make some calls for you. Still have some good contacts there.
So stay in touch here.
You can and will succeed if you want it bad enough.

Justme57

Hi Trix , and welcome to SR!

I see you have already recieved some great advice !

My name is Lee, I am an Alcoholic , and 6 short months ago, I was right where you are .

Congratulations on your decision to turn your life around .

We are here for you

HUGX
Lee