Nonsensical

I thought about starting the weekend thread early again, but opted for a separate thread for today.

Saturday night my wife and I have been invited over to another couple's house for dinner. We have known them for about 10 years. During that time I don't think we have ever got together without drinking. I am quite sure it is an expectation on Saturday.

They have had quite a lot of financial difficulty over the past 6-8 years, and are coming out of it. They are buying a house and they want to take us over to see it and then have dinner and celebrate. 'Special' (more expensive than they normally spend) bottles are likely to be offered.

I haven't decided how to handle this situation yet. I drink socially in their presence. It's generally just beer, and I maintain the pace of the other fellow. (The women drink wine. He has a big liquor cabinet, but we almost never tap it. I think he still has whiskey in there from 10 years ago.) Usually it's 4-6 beers over 4-5 hours. (Then I would go home, drink 5 more and a pint of bourbon and wake up on the floor.)

Frankly, I plan to play it by ear. I have a wide mood range, and I can't predict which one I'll be in that evening. Ideally, I'll be in a mood that will allow me to gracefully decline drinking and still be able to enjoy the evening without spoiling the mood for the others. If I smash my thumb with a hammer that afternoon working on my deck, I'll probably go for the beer.

More mental spewing to follow.

Weasel1966

Non. You know darn well that sobriety to this point has not been because you played it by ear. Yes if you say you heard your AV for the first time and had been able to then identify and control him. By ear? Really? AV.... Put non back on the call.... I want to talk to him!

I don't know my mood for Saturday yet either. AV again giving you subtl permission to speculate the bottle.

You sound like you are losing some focus. That happens to me a lot. Decide now. Right now about your drinking Saturday. Then stick with that choice.

K

janiebluebird

Does the couple have any idea that you've given up drinking?

miamifella

This is a lot of commotion over something simple. What would you have to play by ear? Simply say you are not drinking, when alcohol is offered. Friends do that all the time. It will not affect anyone's mood. It will not imply that you are judging them for their financial difficulties.

Non-alkies do not much care whether their guests drink or not. They only care that their guests are comfortable. As long as you do not make a big deal out of it, they will not.

soberlicious

Your mood has nothing to do with drinking or abstaining.

Fandy

no hammering on Saturday....it will deter getting hammered.
Arm yourself now...a bottle or 2 of Perrrier, a box of fancy tea...speak of high cholesterol, blood pressure and medication that does not allow you to drink....(even if you are lying, the whole world does not have to know other reasons until you are ready to share).

everyone will be drinking except you and you feel itchy about it? you cannot hide in the sawdust forever working on your house.... but try to think ahead to Sunday morning (visualize bacon) and how good you now feel....how life has improved and family relations. don't sell that back for sleeping on the floor after some drinks.

avocado

just tell them you're quitting. If they have a problem with that, then that's their problem, not yours. I get offered alcohol 5-10 times a week. Each time I say no and if asked why I tell them because I realized alcohol was screwing up my life and I am no longer interested. I've never had anyone try to push me further because they know it will be of no use and might cause an argument.

Nonsensical

Some great responses, thanks! I will think some more and respond later. I have meetings this afternoon. They are actually making me work today - sheesh! It's really interfering with my SR habit.

trachemys

Paging Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud.

My favorite non-disclosure, non-lie response: "No thanks, I'm driving."

Jeni26

You make that decision whether to drink or not right now. You don't leave it until the night. That's allowing far too much time for brain chatter to take place.

Once that decision to not drink ( because that's the only sensible one) has been made, you can relax and start to enjoy looking forward to seeing your friends. The torment is over.

My H and I are seeing his brother and wife on Saturday night. Historically a huge drinking night for us both. We would drink into the early hours and spend the whole of Sunday recovering. We are both coming up 10 months sober now. I overheard H on the phone to his brother last night explaining that as we weren't drinking, we wouldn't need to stay overnight. It was said as matter of fact without a hint of regret and I was so proud of him.

Time makes this sort of thing so much easier.

You don't drink. And that's all there is to say x

Oroszlan

Maybe think of it this way. If you invited this same friend over to your house and he did not want to drink, would he have any problems telling you No Thanks??

soopy99

AV convinced me to have a drink or two under very similar circumstances a few weeks ago after I had been sober for a week or so. I gave in, drank socially, the switch flipped and I drank heavily up until a few days ago. I won't make that mistake again. Even if I know that the circumstances would ensure that I would only have one or two, it would set the stage for a whole lot more drinking the next day, week, month, etc.

ScottFromWI

I'd agree with many of the thoughts here, It really doesn't have to be any more complicated than just not drinking. I do the same thing you are doing sometimes when I am confronted with someone or a situation I'm seeing for the first time since I quit. You try to rationalize what you will do, what you will say, maybe even think...what would it hurt if I just had one beer and cut back?

Plain and simple you don't drink anymore. Just tell them that if they ask - No further explanation is needed. We many times forget that we ( alcoholics ) are the minority and that MOST people either don't drink at all or drink very little. So they really don't care one way or the other if we are drinking or not.

ClearLight

Wow- all good stuff. You're going to tell them sooner or later. Later probably means after a relapse. I suggest jsut telling them your not going to drink anymore. Why? 'Cause you don't wanna drink any more.

Boy - that's one thing that is going to be easy for me - thank God. Even when I was drinking like a fish - friends, family, ANYBODY found out real quick that NOBODY told me what to drink. Ever. All my real friends and anybody that wasn't an idiot were cool with it. Even if they weren't - they just had to deal with it.

You can do it non!

Coldfusion

I see a bit of a contradiction here. These folks are "good friends," such that they want to share a special occasion with you. But "good friends" should be able to understand that you don't want to drink.

Nonsensical

I'm having a Sally Fields moment here.


So, basically, you don't think I should drink.

Even though I have not actually committed to quitting for good, I think you're right. It's a reasonable occasion for reasonable drinkers to drink.

That's not me.

It's NOT a reasonable occasion for unreasonable drinkers to drink.

Back in your cage, Beast. It's not your time.

It will still be a challenge to resist the impulses that will come, though. I might have to promise myself double bacon on Sunday as a reward.

Weasel1966

Wear a rubber band on your wrist.... Wen you feel the urge snap it. If you are bloody at the end of the night then maybe these type of get togethers are too soon. Lightly red... Well ya done good. If ya take it off.... Then everyone loses.

ClearLight

I think I need one of those electric shock collars they put on dogs to stop them from barking. LOL

YouRmySunshine

[QUOTE= Ideally, I'll be in a mood that will allow me to gracefully decline drinking and still be able to enjoy the evening without spoiling the mood for the others. [/QUOTE]

I hope you realize you will not & can not control how those around you choose to feel about the evening. You certainly will not spoil anything by being around people you like & being sober & enjoying conversation.

Have a great weekend.

Stay Strong & Stay Sober!

laurie6781

Since they have no clue how dire your problem with alcohol is and I am sure you do
not want to tell them now, a simple thing really.

You have chosen not to drink "for a while" to get healthier and for Lent.

No one questions someone quitting something for Lent.

Go with the mindset that: "I No Longer Drink Alcoholic Beverages." Mentally
remind yourself of that as you ask for Water, or Ice Tea, or soda you brought
with, etc

You can do this!!!! And you will really SUPER Sunday Morning when you awake
with no hangover.

J M H O

Love and hugs,