Are you struggling to stay sober in early recovery?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 150
Are you struggling to stay sober in early recovery?
I drank vodka like water for years. I needed it to function. I tried to quit SO MANY TIMES and this last time was different because I finally, whole-heartedly surrendered. I'm 137 days sober today - the longest I've been sober since I was a kid. I'm 31 years old now.
I just wanted to say to those out there that are just thinking of or trying to quit. It gets better. Here are some facts I've come across in the last 4.5 months.
1. The beginning is tough. So tough it consumes you.
2. The initial conviction that "you are never going to drink again" will wear off and you might get wishy washy and try to make excuses. Don't allow the excuses to win. Replay the tape. It never works out the way you want it to in the long run if you drink again. You know it and I know it.
3. Don't try drinking in moderation. It doesn't work for us.
4. Try to have faith.
5. For once, take pride in not lying to yourself. I lied to myself all the time and while I didn't think it was that big of a deal, it's amazing how you feel when you are honest with yourself and those around you. Just this tiny thing can change your whole outlook on life.
6. There are HUGE ups and downs associated with not drinking. Dealing with the past. Owning up to mistakes. Feeling empty. Feeling proud. I cried alot and still do. Accept it. It's all part of the process.
7. I like and have embraced AA even though I didn't believe in it in the beginning. It's helped me tremendously and I can't even begin to explain how.
8. Getting a sponsor has helped keep me accountable.
9. Interestingly enough, you can't do this on your own. I never realized how hard it was to ask for help and to be honest. It's the opposite of my past life. Being vulnerable is hard. But it grows on you.
10. Your self-confidence will improve tremendously.
11. You will be proud of yourself for the first time in a long time. The feels excellent.
12. PEACE OF MIND is priceless.
13. Relationships will suck in the beginning. People will not believe that this time will be different. It's ok. You probably deserve that. Live everyday proving them wrong.
14. The numbers will start to add up and sobriety will begin to feel good.
15. You will really start to see the havoc alcohol had on your life.
Accept the beginnning. It's tough. It will get easier every single day and then you can't imagine yourself going back.
I know 137 days isn't much, but for me, it's a lifetime. I would never believe it would be good...but it's better than good. It really is a miracle.
I can wake up and be tired, but I can snap out of it. WHen I was drinking, that tired feeling was hell. Life is do-able today. And it's only 4.5 months in. If I can do this, trust me, you can do this.
Just my 2 cents today. Feeling good and wanted to pass on some optimism!
I just wanted to say to those out there that are just thinking of or trying to quit. It gets better. Here are some facts I've come across in the last 4.5 months.
1. The beginning is tough. So tough it consumes you.
2. The initial conviction that "you are never going to drink again" will wear off and you might get wishy washy and try to make excuses. Don't allow the excuses to win. Replay the tape. It never works out the way you want it to in the long run if you drink again. You know it and I know it.
3. Don't try drinking in moderation. It doesn't work for us.
4. Try to have faith.
5. For once, take pride in not lying to yourself. I lied to myself all the time and while I didn't think it was that big of a deal, it's amazing how you feel when you are honest with yourself and those around you. Just this tiny thing can change your whole outlook on life.
6. There are HUGE ups and downs associated with not drinking. Dealing with the past. Owning up to mistakes. Feeling empty. Feeling proud. I cried alot and still do. Accept it. It's all part of the process.
7. I like and have embraced AA even though I didn't believe in it in the beginning. It's helped me tremendously and I can't even begin to explain how.
8. Getting a sponsor has helped keep me accountable.
9. Interestingly enough, you can't do this on your own. I never realized how hard it was to ask for help and to be honest. It's the opposite of my past life. Being vulnerable is hard. But it grows on you.
10. Your self-confidence will improve tremendously.
11. You will be proud of yourself for the first time in a long time. The feels excellent.
12. PEACE OF MIND is priceless.
13. Relationships will suck in the beginning. People will not believe that this time will be different. It's ok. You probably deserve that. Live everyday proving them wrong.
14. The numbers will start to add up and sobriety will begin to feel good.
15. You will really start to see the havoc alcohol had on your life.
Accept the beginnning. It's tough. It will get easier every single day and then you can't imagine yourself going back.
I know 137 days isn't much, but for me, it's a lifetime. I would never believe it would be good...but it's better than good. It really is a miracle.
I can wake up and be tired, but I can snap out of it. WHen I was drinking, that tired feeling was hell. Life is do-able today. And it's only 4.5 months in. If I can do this, trust me, you can do this.
Just my 2 cents today. Feeling good and wanted to pass on some optimism!
Congratulations on 137 days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 150
Something happened. I downed a bottle of non-alcoholic wine because I had no booze in the house and it was 2am. I threw it all up. That was the last drink of alcohol I ever had. Trying to get drunk off non-alcoholic wine. Pathetic.
I don't know what happened. I surrendered to alcohol. I tried to control it and drink normally so many times, but it never, ever worked...and got worse every single time. I wanted to die. I couldn't live like it anymore, so I jumped into what has worked for people - AA - and it helped. I helped myself. But, for the first time, I wanted to stop the maddness...not try to get around it and still drink.
I don't know what happened. I surrendered to alcohol. I tried to control it and drink normally so many times, but it never, ever worked...and got worse every single time. I wanted to die. I couldn't live like it anymore, so I jumped into what has worked for people - AA - and it helped. I helped myself. But, for the first time, I wanted to stop the maddness...not try to get around it and still drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Love all those points.
A couple things that are helping me:
1. Total committment to the end of alcohol in my life. Every day. Over and over. Here's a clip that illustrates that point. The movie is not about addiction and the clip is not about addiction. It's about committment. It's from the Untouchables. Kevin Costner wants to get Al Capone but he doesn't know how. To me this is like wanting to get sober. Sean Connery, the Chicago beat cop, tells Costner the facts of life and says, "If you open the ball on these people you must be prepared to go all the way - becasue they won't give up the fight… until one of you is dead."
And that pretty much sums it up for me. We've already "opened the ball" with addiction and it won't stop until one of us is dead. Addiction or me.
The Chicago Way - The Untouchables (2/10) Movie CLIP (1987) HD - YouTube
2. Being sober moment to moment. I know they say one day at a time. For me it has to be one moment at a time. All I have is now to be sober - not tomorrow, not tonight and not this afternoon. NOW. Now I will be sober and not go get my drug of choice. Just now.
Anyway - that's some stuff that is working for me.
A couple things that are helping me:
1. Total committment to the end of alcohol in my life. Every day. Over and over. Here's a clip that illustrates that point. The movie is not about addiction and the clip is not about addiction. It's about committment. It's from the Untouchables. Kevin Costner wants to get Al Capone but he doesn't know how. To me this is like wanting to get sober. Sean Connery, the Chicago beat cop, tells Costner the facts of life and says, "If you open the ball on these people you must be prepared to go all the way - becasue they won't give up the fight… until one of you is dead."
And that pretty much sums it up for me. We've already "opened the ball" with addiction and it won't stop until one of us is dead. Addiction or me.
The Chicago Way - The Untouchables (2/10) Movie CLIP (1987) HD - YouTube
2. Being sober moment to moment. I know they say one day at a time. For me it has to be one moment at a time. All I have is now to be sober - not tomorrow, not tonight and not this afternoon. NOW. Now I will be sober and not go get my drug of choice. Just now.
Anyway - that's some stuff that is working for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 93
Thank you for posting this...I needed it. I am on day 1 and keep thinking about how when I get home I will have "just one" I know it's never just one though. I want to feel proud of myself to so I am going to think of all the things you listed tonight when I go home and hope I can silence the addict in my head just for one day!
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Thanks for this, it is just what I needed to read right now. I'm struggling with cravings and slips, my DOC is opiates, and reading this helps me remember why I am trying to do this. I think I will print it and put it up so I can read it often. I especially agree that the being honest after years of lying to self and others is utterly liberating!
And congratulations on 137 days--that is a lifetime!
And congratulations on 137 days--that is a lifetime!
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