Snaggle

Ok. I am done. I give in. I can't do this anymore. Last night I drank.. again .. too much without meaning to. Sound familiar? Its been going on for years. Anyway I am determined and with the help of SR I will do this. I have been lurking for a while. I have quite a few challenges coming up so will need some advice from u all. I am on the committee of a club/bar. We have meetings tonight and tomorrow night. Thus means being in the bar and would usually mean having a drink. This weekend is St Pats - a big weekend in the club. Oh and I am in Ireland. Then me and husband go away for a break for a few days next week - usually a drink fest and would usually come back Feeling rubbish. This time I want to come home feeling refreshed. Then it's my birthday. Another excuse for a mad night. Then Easter. Although these are 'reasons' to drink , I actually don't need a reason........ So tonight at the club- first challenge. Tired of the self loathing. And I am also late for work cos of last night. And feel wretched. I just needed to say this to make it 'real' and so infant make anymore excuses. It actually feels like a relief. Last night, so my partner didn't know that I bought drink, I had to go buy it, hide it, then mix it with lemonade in a lemonade bottle to disguise it, then go out a get rid of the bottle and then hope he didn't notice me drinking. Which I think he might have when I passed out and didn't go to bed until after 2am . Anyway if you read this, thank you. Sorry if it is rambling but I just needed to set it down in writing. I will keep reading all your posts and continue to be inspired. Day one here I am.

Dee74

Hi snaggle - welcome!

I had a life that centred around drinking - I wanted to wait for a quiet time to quit - that time never came and the years flew by....

there is never a good time to quit. Make your decision and draw a line in the sand - be prepared to make some changes in your life.

It's a big decision I know - but in the end it comes down to what we're prepared to do and how much we want to be sober.

You're not alone tho - there's a ton of support here

D

Snaggle

Thank you D. I know you are right about there never being a good time. I could make excuses forever. What it comes down to us that I don't like the person I have become. I want to be a better person and do things that I never have the time or energy to do because of drinking. My husband hasn't got a problem and is happy to give up with me.

On another note. I have to see my GP tomorrow as 10 days ago I was very very drunk and fell and hit my hip on the edge of a table. It is bruised black and feels like I might have chipped the bone as the pain is intense. And I have the nerve to wonder if I have a problem!!!

Michael66

Welcome to SR Snaggle.

It sounds like one important thing for you is going to be managing the expectations of others around you. I'd be tempted to be honest and say you think you've been drinking too much and you need to stop, at least while you take stock, and ask them to support you in this. I think most people will be very supportive, at least all those who care for you.

Keep checking in here as well - especially in the first few days which I think many of us found the most challenging. You may also need to keep reminding yourself that it really does get easier.

Have you considered some outside support, like AA?

Dee74

I remember those injuries - I still get twinges from a old drunken rib injury...
best wishes

fallingtogether

Welcome! The really cool thing you may find with sobriety, is that all those "reasons" to drink: holidays and such, become what they are- 1 day holidays! Not one day wasted and the next feeling like poo! When I eliminated alcohol from the equation, life became much more simple. I don't have to lie about how I feel, I don't have to cover my breath for fear of getting caught drinking too early. I don't have to pretend to be sober, because I am! It is scary at first, but once you get the ball rolling, it feels and looks so much better than hiding it and covering your tracks!

Other posters are right, people will help you, but you have to humble yourself and ask for the help and support. Try not let life take you by surprise, make a plan and discuss it with your partner.

Life does get better! We just have to give it a chance! Best wishes xoxo

coffeetogo

Welcome Snaggle. You will get a lot of support here.

I am on Day 4.........and I am in Ireland too so I know how hard this weekend will be - but no better time to start. Having a sober paddys weekend will show us we are strong. And next year we hopefully will have a sober year behind us.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

Anatole France, writing about change, said, "...we must die to one life before we can enter another."

As an alcoholic is recovery, that resonated with me. The change in our life must be so dramatic that it is like we died to the old life and moved on to another. A sober life means death to the old, drinking life.

Therefore, quit the bar committe, don't do anything on St. Patrick's Day, and don't go on that "drinking" get-a-way. Death to the old life.

And when you see you doctor, tell him/her about your drinking and your plans to quit.

trachemys

You, too? Bruised my ribs when I bet I could jump off a second floor balcony.

Snaggle, welcome to the lifeboat. Grab an oar, we'll all pull together.

Snaggle

Thank you all for your replies - I really appreciate you taking the time. As with most newcomers posts I have read here, I am resisting AA and other formal help for now. My husband knows all the problems and how long I have been living this way - he has been threatening, cajoling, coaxing, pleading, worrying for the past 6 years that I have been doing this. And in turn I have been shrugging and saying yea whatever, will sort it some time, next week, after the weekend etc etc. Well that time has finally come and he is 100% with me and is going to stop too. I actually feel a pressure is lifted and want to explore all the new possibilities that I hope will be open to me. I am not kidding myself that it will be hard and there will be challenges but I look at you all and not one of you has said that you regret getting sober. That is what I aspire to xxx

Mizzuno

I can understand your resistance to AA. I had it. Those rooms are a wonderful place to hear similar experiences, to gain strength and see it, and to also see that there is hope. Nothing to fear but fear itself. Hang in there. You are not alone by any stretch.

trachemys

Nope, don't think I've ever heard that said anywhere! Gave me a good chuckle, thanks.

fallingtogether

Snag, I do wish you and your husband the best in your journey, but if it ever feels like it's too much, aa is a wonderful place to go. It's been my experience with aa, that I learned drinking was a symptom of the underlying feelings, I had to work on those issues, otherwise I was nothing more than a dry pissed off drunk, who threw temper tantrums because I wanted to drink like others I know. What's the harm in having some wine in the privacy of my own home? Well, it was what was happening inside of me when I would drink. Normies don't feel ashamed or embarrassed about their drinking, and they certainly don't go to extremes measures like I did to hide it. Keep an open mind and be honest with yourself! It was too much for me to take on alone, so I sought help, from people who know what I have been through. Best wishes xoxo

Snaggle

Falling - I can and will do this..... Wait, I AM DOING THIS!!!!! I love your tagline -can't wait until I can make it my own (if you don't mind)

I have already learned so much from you all - as I said, I'm a lurker! Just want to be strong enough to put all your advice into action. Was going to say 'fingers crossed' but luck has nothing to do with it - Its gonna be down to hard work. But I think half my battle is putting myself on here and facing up to hard realities. I am one of those who drinks to avoid having to think too deeply about things and to make them go away (false reality!). So I hope to be able to talk to you all and I am looking forward to getting to know you all better. Your help today has been very gratefully recieved x

fallingtogether

For sure snaggle! Go right ahead and use it!

Snaggle

Thanks Falling - will be using it - as soon as I have got some sober time under my belt - don't want to tempt fate!! The first part applies so far - I can and will do this.....!!!!! The second part will have to wait a bit!

fallingtogether

Snag, even the smallest step in the right direction warrants the second part! Stay positive and don't wait for the other show to drop. A sober minute under your belt is proof that you are trying!

Snaggle

Thanks Falling - just need to figure out how to do it now!!!

misspond

That's exactly how I felt when I found this forum at the weekend after yet another day spent unable to enjoy the time with my children. Well done for taking the step, there lots of new people here at the moment from what I can see, and a great many others willing to offer their support. Good luck on your journey

Snaggle

Well who would have thought I would have gone to the Comittee meeting and stayed after for a drink (of coke) and everyone else is drinking am pleasantly pleased - or more likely in total shock that I am doing this! But not in any way complacent. So Falling- I can and I will do this!!

Heading homeboy Day one completed