My relapse was not a complete waste
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
My relapse was not a complete waste
Well I have been coming round AA since 1981. I have strung together almost 3 yrs of sobriety twice.
Plus several months here and there , but during those times I really was just around AA . Did a lot on my own, tried on my own willpower, didn't have the serenity or support I have now .
Didn't do the work, the self examination . Didn't apply the steps properly to my life .
I would of had 12 months on the 2nd of Feb. but I abused an over the counter medication in Dec. so I changed my sobriety date.
I made it back almost immediately . Thank God .
But I learned so many things . I learned I relapsed over a month before in my mind before I actually picked up this substance. The thoughts were there and I did not tell my sponsor. I just played with these thoughts carelessly in my mind.
I had a reservation.
Also I was volunteering for every service position available. I think my ego was getting out of control. I thought I was Miss AA/NA. I was more concerned about service work then doing my inside work.
I thought being in AA/NA meant doing as much as I could possibly do in service.
That relapse was actually terrifying because I did catch a wicked buzz and I felt completely seperated from God, like this wall went up between us and I had put it up.
My spiritual connection was broken.And I broke it.
I had to face a lot of consequences to my one bad choice.
I can no longer speak at detox 1 x a week. I can no longer chair meetings online .
I can no longer chair meetings face to face for 90 days .
I can no longer hold position as secretary of H and I .
It affected my relationship with family and my sponsor.
But maybe it is what had to happen to put me down to right size.
I had developed an EGO problem, I thought I was either better than or less than others, never did I consider myself to be just one among many.
Today I am no longer Miss AA/NA. I do simple things like push in chairs and Welcome newcomers, which is important in itself.
I did a very thorough 4th and 5th step so I thought.Was on my 6th when I relapsed. But somewhere in the Big book it says we only thought we had gotten rid of Ego.
I realize there is no such thing as a one day relapse without consequences .
I am facing many, but I don't think it has been a complete waste cuz I needed to learn the lesson that I learned and for that I am grateful.
Plus several months here and there , but during those times I really was just around AA . Did a lot on my own, tried on my own willpower, didn't have the serenity or support I have now .
Didn't do the work, the self examination . Didn't apply the steps properly to my life .
I would of had 12 months on the 2nd of Feb. but I abused an over the counter medication in Dec. so I changed my sobriety date.
I made it back almost immediately . Thank God .
But I learned so many things . I learned I relapsed over a month before in my mind before I actually picked up this substance. The thoughts were there and I did not tell my sponsor. I just played with these thoughts carelessly in my mind.
I had a reservation.
Also I was volunteering for every service position available. I think my ego was getting out of control. I thought I was Miss AA/NA. I was more concerned about service work then doing my inside work.
I thought being in AA/NA meant doing as much as I could possibly do in service.
That relapse was actually terrifying because I did catch a wicked buzz and I felt completely seperated from God, like this wall went up between us and I had put it up.
My spiritual connection was broken.And I broke it.
I had to face a lot of consequences to my one bad choice.
I can no longer speak at detox 1 x a week. I can no longer chair meetings online .
I can no longer chair meetings face to face for 90 days .
I can no longer hold position as secretary of H and I .
It affected my relationship with family and my sponsor.
But maybe it is what had to happen to put me down to right size.
I had developed an EGO problem, I thought I was either better than or less than others, never did I consider myself to be just one among many.
Today I am no longer Miss AA/NA. I do simple things like push in chairs and Welcome newcomers, which is important in itself.
I did a very thorough 4th and 5th step so I thought.Was on my 6th when I relapsed. But somewhere in the Big book it says we only thought we had gotten rid of Ego.
I realize there is no such thing as a one day relapse without consequences .
I am facing many, but I don't think it has been a complete waste cuz I needed to learn the lesson that I learned and for that I am grateful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
The old priest at the Recovery Home I went to in '89 said "Recovery is a process and you have to go through the process".
Sounds like you're learning as you go through the process.
All the best.
Bob R
Sounds like you're learning as you go through the process.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters 
The old priest at the Recovery Home I went to in '89 said "Recovery is a process and you have to go through the process".
Sounds like you're learning as you go through the process.
All the best.
Bob R
Sounds like you're learning as you go through the process.
All the best.
Bob R
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Originally Posted by deeker
That relapse was actually terrifying because I did catch a wicked buzz and I felt completely seperated from God, like this wall went up between us and I had put it up.
My spiritual connection was broken.And I broke it.
Glad you are back and so soon.
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