Is in harder the second time around?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Great North
Posts: 14
Is in harder the second time around?
I'm not even sure where to start, so I'll just jump in.
I was sober for over 4 years. Right now I don't remember how or when or why I started drinking again, but a few years ago I(or that addictive voice) had talked myself into believing that I could, should, and deserved to have a drink now and then.
It didn't take long before I was drinking more and more often than I planned. Pretty soon I was miserable, but yet cracked that beer right after work. It's amazing how the clarity of my thinking changed. I've always been a risk taker, but while sober the risks I took were well thought out, and resulted in achieving goals. My life definitely began to reflect my drinking. It's amazing to see how instead of living an intentional life, I began reacting. I realized about a year ago that things weren't going well and I needed to quit drinking, and I've been fluctuating between days of excruciating shame and numbing denial.
Today is my second day without alcohol, and I'm not feeling so great, but I'm here, right were I want to be.
I was sober for over 4 years. Right now I don't remember how or when or why I started drinking again, but a few years ago I(or that addictive voice) had talked myself into believing that I could, should, and deserved to have a drink now and then.
It didn't take long before I was drinking more and more often than I planned. Pretty soon I was miserable, but yet cracked that beer right after work. It's amazing how the clarity of my thinking changed. I've always been a risk taker, but while sober the risks I took were well thought out, and resulted in achieving goals. My life definitely began to reflect my drinking. It's amazing to see how instead of living an intentional life, I began reacting. I realized about a year ago that things weren't going well and I needed to quit drinking, and I've been fluctuating between days of excruciating shame and numbing denial.
Today is my second day without alcohol, and I'm not feeling so great, but I'm here, right were I want to be.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi and Welcome,
I found it more and more difficult each time I tried to stop drinking. I think there was a variety of reasons for that. Emotionally and mentally, I felt more and more destroyed each time I began drinking again and that took a toll. And, I think age has something to do with it, too.
I'm glad you're here and working on your recovery.
I found it more and more difficult each time I tried to stop drinking. I think there was a variety of reasons for that. Emotionally and mentally, I felt more and more destroyed each time I began drinking again and that took a toll. And, I think age has something to do with it, too.
I'm glad you're here and working on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Boulder County, Co
Posts: 130
Ellery,
I was sober for 5 years and am 4 days into quitting after a year. It seems that I could have written your post. Living reactively risky behavior I know how you feel. I'm not sure if its harder this second time around but it is definitely different. We know what we have to gain and what there is to lose. I just know that I am fighting for my life and I am not going to fail. Welcome here you will find many others like us here that have fallen after a long period of sobriety and are getting back up again. I will look forward to seeing your posts and stay on course.
T
I was sober for 5 years and am 4 days into quitting after a year. It seems that I could have written your post. Living reactively risky behavior I know how you feel. I'm not sure if its harder this second time around but it is definitely different. We know what we have to gain and what there is to lose. I just know that I am fighting for my life and I am not going to fail. Welcome here you will find many others like us here that have fallen after a long period of sobriety and are getting back up again. I will look forward to seeing your posts and stay on course.
T
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Boulder County, Co
Posts: 130
Ellery,
I was sober for 5 years and am 4 days into quitting after a year. It seems that I could have written your post. Living reactively risky behavior I know how you feel. I'm not sure if its harder this second time around but it is definitely different. We know what we have to gain and what there is to lose. I just know that I am fighting for my life and I am not going to fail. Welcome to SR here you will find many others like us that have fallen after a long period of sobriety and are getting back up again. I will look forward to seeing your posts and stay on course.
T
I was sober for 5 years and am 4 days into quitting after a year. It seems that I could have written your post. Living reactively risky behavior I know how you feel. I'm not sure if its harder this second time around but it is definitely different. We know what we have to gain and what there is to lose. I just know that I am fighting for my life and I am not going to fail. Welcome to SR here you will find many others like us that have fallen after a long period of sobriety and are getting back up again. I will look forward to seeing your posts and stay on course.
T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Great North
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by T4texas 
Ellery,
I was sober for 5 years and am 4 days into quitting after a year. It seems that I could have written your post. Living reactively risky behavior I know how you feel. I'm not sure if its harder this second time around but it is definitely different. We know what we have to gain and what there is to lose. I just know that I am fighting for my life and I am not going to fail. Welcome to SR here you will find many others like us that have fallen after a long period of sobriety and are getting back up again. I will look forward to seeing your posts and stay on course.
T
I was sober for 5 years and am 4 days into quitting after a year. It seems that I could have written your post. Living reactively risky behavior I know how you feel. I'm not sure if its harder this second time around but it is definitely different. We know what we have to gain and what there is to lose. I just know that I am fighting for my life and I am not going to fail. Welcome to SR here you will find many others like us that have fallen after a long period of sobriety and are getting back up again. I will look forward to seeing your posts and stay on course.
T
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Boulder County, Co
Posts: 130
No, thank you! While I wouldn't wish what I have been through on anyone else it is comforting to know that I am not alone. Being a big tough American guy I'm not supposed to cry but I think I'm getting a little misty eyed. Must be getting soft in my old age. Will be looking forward to seeing your posts here. If you would like you should join the Class Of March 2013 thread on this forum. There are a lot of us on there with the same goals posting on there through the day. It's been very helpful to me.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Ellery
I was sober for a little over a year previously before relapsing (for several years - always going to give up "tomorrow" or "after once really good last blast to get it out of my system"). Just about a month off the year again and I can say this time around I have found it much easier because I knew from the beginning this really was a lifetime commitment to sobriety - no ifs, no buts, no excuses. Last time I thought that I could go back to moderate drinking, and was never really committed to, or accepting of, lifetime sobriety. I know, really know, that moderate drinking is just not an option for me so I have adjusted to the idea that I will never drink again, ever. Once I faced up to that and accepted it, deep down, it's been much easier - and now I truly, and really, love sobriety.
So, hoping and praying second time around for you works really well. As you said - we know what we have to gain and lose.
God bless +
Michael
I was sober for a little over a year previously before relapsing (for several years - always going to give up "tomorrow" or "after once really good last blast to get it out of my system"). Just about a month off the year again and I can say this time around I have found it much easier because I knew from the beginning this really was a lifetime commitment to sobriety - no ifs, no buts, no excuses. Last time I thought that I could go back to moderate drinking, and was never really committed to, or accepting of, lifetime sobriety. I know, really know, that moderate drinking is just not an option for me so I have adjusted to the idea that I will never drink again, ever. Once I faced up to that and accepted it, deep down, it's been much easier - and now I truly, and really, love sobriety.
So, hoping and praying second time around for you works really well. As you said - we know what we have to gain and lose.
God bless +
Michael
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Great North
Posts: 14
Mizzuno, I think that's right. This past year I've suffered so much from my drinking. I stopped taking nights off, and after that first one I was always planning how many I could fit in before bed. My hangovers were meaner, and I mentally deteriorated much faster than before. Thanks for being here with me!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Great North
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Michael66
Hi Ellery
I was sober for a little over a year previously before relapsing (for several years - always going to give up "tomorrow" or "after once really good last blast to get it out of my system"). Just about a month off the year again and I can say this time around I have found it much easier because I knew from the beginning this really was a lifetime commitment to sobriety - no ifs, no buts, no excuses. Last time I thought that I could go back to moderate drinking, and was never really committed to, or accepting of, lifetime sobriety. I know, really know, that moderate drinking is just not an option for me so I have adjusted to the idea that I will never drink again, ever. Once I faced up to that and accepted it, deep down, it's been much easier - and now I truly, and really, love sobriety.
So, hoping and praying second time around for you works really well. As you said - we know what we have to gain and lose.
God bless +
Michael
I was sober for a little over a year previously before relapsing (for several years - always going to give up "tomorrow" or "after once really good last blast to get it out of my system"). Just about a month off the year again and I can say this time around I have found it much easier because I knew from the beginning this really was a lifetime commitment to sobriety - no ifs, no buts, no excuses. Last time I thought that I could go back to moderate drinking, and was never really committed to, or accepting of, lifetime sobriety. I know, really know, that moderate drinking is just not an option for me so I have adjusted to the idea that I will never drink again, ever. Once I faced up to that and accepted it, deep down, it's been much easier - and now I truly, and really, love sobriety.
So, hoping and praying second time around for you works really well. As you said - we know what we have to gain and lose.
God bless +
Michael
Thank you for the encouragement. I feel as though I have a lot more riding on sobriety this time, and I think thats grounded in reality. I'm not going to be able to fool anyone into thinking it's a lifestyle experiment or diet. I'm not going to be able to fool myself into thinking that, either. I know I'll need a plan, because there is always beer in the fridge and a drinking partner right beside me, but my only plan for today is to show a little kindness inward and outward. Today is a great day to not drink!
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