Mizzuno

Im just going to do the next best thing. Its hard to find the silver lining in all of this. My sabotage not only affects me, but it affects my entire family and all those who love me.
My heart and spirit are broken. Anxiety is taking its toll. Ive had very little sleep, and I can hardly breath at times. I deserve this. I created this.
Damn the idea that i am in control. I never have been. NEVER.
AA meeting at 9am. THat is all that i have for now.

Ghostlight

Things can look pretty bleak while drinking. It does get better.
Good job going to the meeting. I hope it goes well.

mecanix

The alcoholism did this and created it , you are more than the alcoholism and will find a way to deal with it one way or another .
If i drink alcohol my life goes way out of control sometimes in very subtle ways othertimes in huge great ways , the only thing i could do was give up completely.

I gave up fighting for control , there is no control with drink and me, the only control is complete abstinance and then learning how to deal with life sober .

You can do it , one right decision after another , one foot infront of the other , you go girl ,

Bestwishes, M

Delilah1

I hope the meeting goes well Mizz. I know the anxiety is tough, hang in there, lots of people on here in your corner.

Mizzuno

I made it back from the meeting. The familiarity is of it all is comforting. I felt safe, not judged and willing. I surrender. The ladies and gentleman were very welcoming. I will attend another tonight.

BuzzL

Go you! And you didn't deserve it, nobody does. What you do deserve is a shot at a clean and sober life and you have that. Good for you!

2granddaughters

I am a good man. I have the disease of alcoholism. It wants to make me suffer ... then kill me.

I am an alcoholic as described in AA's Big Book.

The treatment for my disease is laid out simply in AA's HOW IT WORKS.

I think I will submit myself to the treatment. It's my choice. I want to live.

AA is the very thing I need ... and the last thing I want to do.

It will get easier, better ! You will come to love it.

All the best, Mizzuno.

Bob R

Mizzuno

I called a sponsor. I am doing whatever she has asked me to do. I wrote a gratitude list and I am adventuring back in the Big Book. Every persons bottom is different. I vow to never feel this way again. I vow to follow these steps and to rise above this.
Im having the hardest time loving myself in this. I just feel wrecked from it all. I know that i will be given strength from god. I know that this is the biggest wake up call of my life. Im blessed to feel love even when I think that i dont deserve it. TO see my husbands eyes well up with tears is so heartbreaking. He doesnt deserve this. God is here. Prayer will work.

Valll

Hi Mizz,

I remember you from last year although I cannot fully remember your plight, I do however only remember positive vibes from you which makes me feel that you have a strong soul, a determined one at that x

Wishing you all the very best - we all deserve the very best.

2granddaughters

Realizing that I did love myself was probably the last thing to happen. Others saw it before I did.

Have some faith. Follow the oldtimers.

All the best.

Bob R