Wilting

It's far too early for me to make a "what I don't miss" post, but I feel that if I make a list of what I wont miss it could be very beneficial.

I'm going to plunge right in now.

I won't miss shame.
I won't miss spending my entire check the day that I get it, then accumulating debt for the next two weeks, borrowing from friends with promises that I will "totally pay [them] back, and it's all good!"
I won't miss waking up panicking every single day. Thoughts racing and inner dialogue along the lines of "oh ****, oh ****, oh no!" Running simultaneous with five other inner voices screaming "CALM DOWN CALM DOWN CALM DOWN" and "everything is ruined! Omg everything is ruined" and "IT'S OKAY IT'S OKAY IT'S OKAY"

I won't miss going days without brushing my teeth.
I won't miss the broken veins and acne on my face
I won't miss being too broke to afford clothing.
I won't miss staying away from home for days on end because I'm too ashamed to go crawling back and make excuses for why I've been away.
I won't miss longing to be at home, in bed, with my cat and my book and clean clothes.
I won't miss the look in people's eyes when I drink.
I won't miss the look I get when I go to the fridge at band practice.
I won't miss being loud and obnoxious.
I won't miss feeling like a flawed and unlovable individual.
I won't miss feeling that if someone were to love me that is only because they don't know the deep dark secret which is: I am a bad person.
I won't miss chain smoking a tire packets of cigarettes and not being able to speak in the mornings.
I won't miss basing my entire social life around drinking, whilst desperately wishing I could enjoy more wholesome activities without panicking that I am not drinking.
I won't miss getting my first drink for the day, knowing that the chemicals create a glum feeling and the need for more and more drink.
I won't miss making excuses for why I drink
I won't miss confessing
I won't miss apologising
I won't miss explaining
I won't miss my beer gut
I won't miss throwing up all day
I won't miss getting script after script of anti nausea medication to help me cope with hangovers
I won't miss crying
I won't miss guilt
I won't miss suicidal ideation
I won't miss having crisis after crisis
I won't miss apologising for my existence
I won't miss struggling to think


There are a lot more things I won't miss, and I will put them here as they come up.
For now, thanks for reading.

CNH08

Wilting, wow. Thank you so much for posting that. So many of your "wonts" are on my list as well. I think I am going to write mine down so I can come back to them when I question why I want to stay sober.

On the flip side though, I am looking FORWARD to

Having energy
Being clear headed
Being present
Being more emotionally stable
Being more "responsible"
Not being so selfish
Being open to someone loving me
Loving others
Focusing on my strengths instead of my weaknesses
I think the biggest one for me so far is going to be LOVING MYSELF

The list could go on too ;-)

Wilting

I like that list. I like the focus on the positive. My biggest one is also loving myself. One day I'd like to be able to. <3

bigsombrero

Loving yourself is great. Trusting yourself is even better! Both can be achieved in sobriety, you sound like you have a good foundation to start with. Good luck!

CNH08

never thought about separating the two. I can trust myself to do what is in my best interest because I love myself. Something like that?

bigsombrero

Something like that. The bottom line is that I think I always loved myself, but I could not trust myself to do the right thing and act in my best interest. Once I got through rehab and had my first month of sobriety on my own, I knew I could TRUST myself to do the right thing. That was an awesome feeling - knowing that I was going to start treating myself right. Not just thinking about it, but doing it. Felt awesome.