Hi, New Here... Binge Drinker
 

Hi. I'm really nervous about this post. I've been reading for a couple of hours though, and I'm so impressed with the welcoming and helpful responses... I'm going for it.

I'm a 57 year old female. I have a good job where I've been for over 25 years. I have adult children and 5 grandchildren. It's a good life.

And I've been binge drinking for over 40 years. Probably twice a week on average. And probably between 8 and 12 drinks most every time.

I drink when I'm happy. I drink when I'm sad. I drink when I've had a stressful day. I drink no matter what.

You would think that this kind of drinking, and as sick as I feel the next day... dreadfully sick, and the embarrassment and being disgusted with myself over and over throughout the decades would light a fire and make me stop.

But it hasn't. I need to stop this. I think about 40 years x 104 days = more than 4,000 days I've lost to hangovers, anxiety, depression.

Anyway, I hope you will welcome me here as I search for tools to stop drinking completely and forever.

Welcome to SR TryingHarder - there's a ton of support and encouragement here.
I'm sure you'll find this place as awesome as I do :)

D

I understand being scared, we all are the first time asking for help, but you just did the hardest thing and asked. I managed to quit for 5 years before a year ago with only myself and a few close friends support. it didnt work so i came here for support for the moments i feel weak. As for tools you will find many opinions here. My advice is to look at them all honestly and see which one matches with you the best.

So glad you are here,

T

Hi TryingHarder, welcome aboard! This is such a great site with loads of information. It really, really helps. I've got 5 weeks now and am continually amazed at how much better I feel. No hangovers, crippling anxiety or despair. It's really good.

Thank you so much. I feel some tears coming.

Welcome TryingHarder. You've found a great place, and my story was very similar to yours. You can make a change for the better. Keep reading and posting here on SR, it will help a lot. I did the same program-drink a lot, feel like crap, stop for a night or two because I felt like crap, drank again the minute I felt better. Even though I knew I felt better because I didn't drink. I'm not a stupid person in general, but I certainly was when it came to drinking. You may find it's easier to stop altogether than to keep playing the same old trying to moderate game.

Oh, I know moderation isn't working. Not even a little bit. But I've been telling myself that I don't really have a problem. I don't drink every day. Yeah, if I didn't have a problem, I would have quit long before now.

It's been so much a part of my life, my entire adult life... it's scary. What am I going to do about my little friend that I hate with such a passion!

TryingHarder, welcome.

I told myself I didn't have a problem because I didn't drink every day. Then I started drinking every day. So I told myself I didn't have a problem because I didn't drink too much every day. Then I started drinking too much every day. Clearly, I had a problem as soon as I started telling myself I didn't have a problem.

I'm glad you got the nerve to post - keep doing it. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

Welcome! You'll find a lot of support here.

Welcome TryingHarder - I'm so glad you decided to post. This is a wonderful, supportive place filled with hope. I think you should be excited - you'll have a whole new life without that poison throwing you off track.

I was older too when I finally admitted what it was doing to me. I don't know why I spent so many years thinking I'd be missing something without it. That was a lie. Life is wonderful without hangovers and all the anxiety we cause ourselves. There is life after alcohol. You can do this, TryingHarder. :)

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us.

It's great that you've decided to seek support for your drinking. We do understand how hard this is and acknowledging that you can't stop drinking, even though you want to, is a big step forward.

Your post reminded me of one of my favorite books, "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning alcoholic woman and her love affair with wine. It's the book that made me believe, maybe I could do this.

Thank you so much everyone. I will be back tomorrow. Time to go read a book I just downloaded... about an alcoholic's recovery. Good night!

So glad you're here. We all lean on and help each other on this path to sobriety. Rolling out the welcome mat for you. :welcome

A couple more things. This will never, ever work if I don't start with absolute honesty. I said when I registered for this site I'd stopped drinking on 3/3. Lie. I drank heavily last night and have been sad and miserable all day. Still in my pajamas in fact. No more lies.

And this ain't my first rodeo, knowing in my heart of hearts I have a real, honest to God problem with alcohol. And I knew I should stop. I've known it for a long, long time. Time to get real. Time to tell my family.

What am I going to do about my little friend that I hate with such a passion!

Alcohol is not your friend.

It wants your soul before it kills you.

So what's your game plan to get and stay sober? I imagine over the years you've tried a 100 different times to quit. Attempt #101 is not going to be any better unless you try something radically different. SR is a great tool, but many of use find that we also need some face to face support.

You are absolutely right. No just found an AA daily meeting not far from work. I am going to change my work hours so I can hit that meeting at 4 pm. That's when I need help. I feel better than I have all day. I have a plan.

Sorry I'm on my iPhone and I'm horrible typing on it.

That sounds like the start of a good plan!

Welcome to SR, TryingHarder! I'm glad you found the courage to post. I'm glad you are here.

Welcome to the gang Tryingharder
You can do it :)
Mick