Callalily

You can do this, Mizzuno. You would not be here writing to us, in my opinion, if you didn't believe you could do this. Make no mistake, it may be the hardest thing you've ever had to do. It was in my case, and I'm still a work in progress. But I believe you can do this. Try to be kind to yourself. I know that's almost impossible right now.

And, yes, do get some help. Reach for as much as you can.

hollowx

Hi MIzz, I'm sorry that you went through that. I don't think time should be an adversary but hope that at least you are alive and can change if you choose too.

Hevyn

Hi Mizzuno. Many of us can relate. I did the same sort of thing at the end of my drinking career. Alcohol turned me into someone I didn't recognize. There was no way to predict what would happen once I picked up. Yet I kept tempting fate for many years, until I almost lost my life.

It's going to be so good to have it out of your life. You'll be free. You can rebuild everything and make it better than ever. I know you feel defeated now - but this is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. The best one.

Mizzuno

@ Hollow. Time has been the adversary in the past. I had a year sober and went back....I flipped out while drinking, quitand then relapsed. Many relapses. The history is written. I need to write something new for myself and stick with sobriety at all costs. This is my life here. I'm afraid I'm going to die if I keep this up.

trachemys

Mizzuno, some practical considerations:

If you have sufficient emergency funds and good insurance at your former job, that insurance should be paid up through the end of the month after which you can keep paying the premium and keep it for a while. If all the first two conditions are true, get in detox/rehab TOMORROW. Set yourself up to beat this thing once and for all.

We got your back.

Mizzuno

I just landed this job and started this week. Emergency funds? No. I left my previous job because we were barely making it. No emergency back up.
As for Rehab. I have previously been to rehab. I'm not in physical danger with withdrawals. My drinking is a binge. I'm going to AA tomorrow. I think this is a good start......job hunting of course.

hollowx

I can feel the strength in you. I don't want to see you fail, if there is any weakness you feel please know you have a friend in me and you can contact me whenever you have anything on your mind. You are well aware of the costs of your history and you are important to it's legacy. This legacy is now, for it's not what you do or have done that define you, but how you live now. You have made great strides and have numerous accomplishments. Don't ever forget how far you have come.

trachemys

Sounds like you have a plan. Great! We're here if you need us.

artsoul

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Mizzuno...... I'm just glad you're OK. You know what you need to do and you've got the motivation..... you can do this.

Wastinglife

Hi Muzzino,
Last year I was fired on my 1st day on the job. I reeked of booze and was sent home before the day was over. I really don't know what the hell I was thinking drinking the night before starting a new job since it's obvious I would have to meet tons of people face-to-face. Sometimes I wonder if I self-destruct on purpose for some reason. I feel the same self-loathing and shame you do.

FreeFall

Welcome back Mizzuno and Delilah, good to see you both. I'm sorry that this happened Mizzuno, but this may be the catalyst that gets you on track for a sober and happy life from now on.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up too much and just vow to handle things differently in the future. Be kind to yourself. Let your family know you need their support and help. Find the type of recovery program that fits you best, and learn the tools and skills that will help you stay on track.