I Will Be Six Months Sober on Monday...
 

...and my life has changed completely - no exaggeration.

It did take me a year-and-a-half to get to this point, and there were a few relapses along the way, but they became less and less frequent, and far shorter, thank God. I can honestly say I have no desire to drink. The obsession has been lifted.

The change I mention is extreme, in a good way, of course. I have been lucky enough to get an amazing job in my field (which has been incredibly stressful, but also rewarding). I have lost more than forty pounds, and am in the best shape of my life (again, not an exaggeration). Cutting out the booze took at least ten years off my appearance. I have seen my parents for the first time in three years, and the visit was actually pleasant and drama-free. I have moved into a new place that I love. Old friendships have been reestablished, and I have made some new ones. I feel stronger than I ever did, and found strength I didn't know I had. I have a terrific therapist, who has helped me recover from so much of the emotional pain I masked with drinking. My marriage, which had been poisoned by booze to the point of breakdown, has healed, or so I thought.

The last part is what I'm writing about. I'm not here to brag or pat myself on the back, although I do think it is worth emphasizing that there REALLY IS hope, and that things really do get sooooo much better. I thought I was a lost cause.

The main reason I'm writing is to ask if perhaps anyone out there can relate to the following. And if so, maybe has some advice.

My husband, who is the absolute love of my life, and who has been so incredibly kind and supportive throughout my recovery, seems to be increasingly negative the healthier I get.

He's just left for the weekend, and on the way out, we got into a bit of a quarrel over well...nothing, really. But this seems to be happening more and more often. Maybe my job stress is adding to the friction, but I can't help but feel he seems...I don't know, really snappy at me lately.

The strange thing is, we hardly ever fought or even bickered when I was deep in recovery. When he was almost literally having to hold me up.

As he was leaving, he told me "I needed to get to a meeting". Which crushed me. Not because I have anything against meetings, per se, it's just that drinking was the last thing on my mind, and I felt as though he was dismissing any of my progress.

Of course, as soon as he left, I almost felt like a drink. Which is not going to happen, but it's the first 'dark thought' that I've had in ages.

I am so grateful to him, and I do love him so, but right now, I'm so confused and angry. Does he not want me to recover?

Sorry for rambling. Feeling very blue, and almost hopeless like old times, and I guess I just needed to share. All advice welcomed. But please don't just say 'get to a meeting'.

Hi Callalily :)
Congrats on your 6 months :)

I think however hard early recovery is for us it's sometimes even harder on our partners.
When one person in a relation shiop changes the relationship changes too. TYhat's inevitable.

Watching our partner change - even for the better - can really shake some people up...it may even make them a little insecure.

I don't know what's going on exactly with your husband but maybe it's worth trying to put yourself in his shoes a little?

D

Thanks, Dee. I'm really trying to. As I said, I do love him, and cannot express my gratitude enough to him for helping me through this. I just can't seem to say or do anything right lately, even though I'm trying to do *everything* 'right'. ;)

Dee is, as usual.......
Spot on, on the ball, and kind of summed it up in a nutshell.
Well done on 6 months.
Really, really, well done.
Marriage counselling maybe?
He might be afraid he will loose "The new improved, fabulous you".
Seriously, he, (not Dee):lmao your husband might be feeling insecure.
Talk to him.
What does your therapist say?
The therapist would know the dynamics better than us.

As he was leaving, he told me "I needed to get to a meeting". Which crushed me.

Why don't you go to a meeting? It's your recovery not his, if you feel a little vulnerable because of his comments, go to a meeting.

My wife doesn't make comments about my AA attendance, but she's not above taking "cheap shots" when she is pissed about something. I think sometimes it's not even me she's pissed at, it's something in life itself. I just happen to be nearby. But my skins a lot thicker now than it used to be, and I certainly won't drink over it.

So go to a meeting, read the BB, work the steps and your skin will get a little tougher. I'm sure your husband is a significant person in your life, but you can't let verbal comments by him drive you back to the bottle.

As Dee said, things have changed since you got sober. The balance of "power" in your marriage has changed, and you are probably more of an equal partner now, then a hopeless drunk. Your husband and you have to figure out the new dance, and it takes some time.

Thanks for your response, Zebra. But I have to wonder why, when someone ends their post by very politely asking that you don't just say 'got to a meeting', you begin yours with 'go to a meeting'...lol.

Anyway, no, his comments did not drive me to drink, and aside from a fleeting thought, did not even tempt me.

I appreciate your other advice and input, though.