Second meeting- need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North america
Posts: 47
Second meeting- need help
Hi everyone,
Today I went to my second meeting and it was better than the first one. Less anxiety, more trust.
We talked about enlightenment, which I am trying to understand.
It's really hard for me right now to focus on so many things in one. I feel like its so much happening and I'm scare to go right back where I was because of it. I tried to start and finish things a lot but I usually only start things, I don't finish them.
I was reading on awakening and on the 3rd step. I find it difficult to fully comprehend it , even thought I really really want to get it. Any tips ? I know it's a personal thing, I am scared to never get there, I mean the awakening. I'm scare I'm never gonna feel it...
Anyways, I believe I am on the right path. I am getting more nervous everyday of the thought of never having a drink ever again. I guess it's because I maybe secretly hope there still chance I can change. But that's just one side of me, the other one is really aware that I can't change by myself because I tried.
I talked on the phone with my new sponsor for 1 hour and I am very impress to see all there wonderful people still attending and caring for others after 10- 20-30-40 years of sobriety.
I wish you all a great night.
Prion
Today I went to my second meeting and it was better than the first one. Less anxiety, more trust.
We talked about enlightenment, which I am trying to understand.
It's really hard for me right now to focus on so many things in one. I feel like its so much happening and I'm scare to go right back where I was because of it. I tried to start and finish things a lot but I usually only start things, I don't finish them.
I was reading on awakening and on the 3rd step. I find it difficult to fully comprehend it , even thought I really really want to get it. Any tips ? I know it's a personal thing, I am scared to never get there, I mean the awakening. I'm scare I'm never gonna feel it...
Anyways, I believe I am on the right path. I am getting more nervous everyday of the thought of never having a drink ever again. I guess it's because I maybe secretly hope there still chance I can change. But that's just one side of me, the other one is really aware that I can't change by myself because I tried.
I talked on the phone with my new sponsor for 1 hour and I am very impress to see all there wonderful people still attending and caring for others after 10- 20-30-40 years of sobriety.
I wish you all a great night.
Prion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 167
Hello Prion and congratulations on your new recovery. I am far from being an expert but it seems to me, that you are taking too much on right from the beginning. The only tip(s) I can think to give you are: Take it easy... No one is expecting you to understand the third or fourth or any step on your second meeting... You should not pressure yourself... Take care of yourself and it starts by being kind to yourself... some slack, give yourself some slack... Going to meetings is already a big step... You have taken this first (big) step... Congratulate yourself!!! And to you too, a great night!!! 
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Prion--
Good going on the meetings and talking to your sponsor!
As a newcomer to recovery, I find I am anxious to "fix everything" now. But the reason they have twelve steps is that you take one step at a time, carefully and thoroughly. Tonight, I chaired our NA meeting and read about Step 3, which I am working on now. I shared a challenge I faced, and one of the comments I got on my topic was that the challenge should be dealt with in Step 4. So my main advice to you is to spend more time on Steps 1 and 2 with your sponsor, and then you will be well prepared for Step 3.
[I mostly go to AA meetings and have an AA sponsor, but I am using the 12-Step book from NA, It Works: How and Why (Narcotics Anonymous World Services, 1993). It is available on-line at http://rochesterny-na.org/It_Works_NA.pdf ]
Here are some other comments I got on Step 3:
--Pray that others may be blessed and that I may change.
--Fill your life with positive thoughts.
--Have a "God Box," in which one puts written summaries of things one is turning over to God. There is a "God Jar" thread here at SR...
--One person had trouble with Step 3, until reading some Buddhist literature. I am borrowing some books from this person.
Good going on the meetings and talking to your sponsor!
As a newcomer to recovery, I find I am anxious to "fix everything" now. But the reason they have twelve steps is that you take one step at a time, carefully and thoroughly. Tonight, I chaired our NA meeting and read about Step 3, which I am working on now. I shared a challenge I faced, and one of the comments I got on my topic was that the challenge should be dealt with in Step 4. So my main advice to you is to spend more time on Steps 1 and 2 with your sponsor, and then you will be well prepared for Step 3.
[I mostly go to AA meetings and have an AA sponsor, but I am using the 12-Step book from NA, It Works: How and Why (Narcotics Anonymous World Services, 1993). It is available on-line at http://rochesterny-na.org/It_Works_NA.pdf ]
Here are some other comments I got on Step 3:
--Pray that others may be blessed and that I may change.
--Fill your life with positive thoughts.
--Have a "God Box," in which one puts written summaries of things one is turning over to God. There is a "God Jar" thread here at SR...
--One person had trouble with Step 3, until reading some Buddhist literature. I am borrowing some books from this person.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North america
Posts: 47
Yes I have this thing: I try to get everything done right away or I feel like I am a failure.
Obviously with this mind I never finish anything and I feel like a failure a lot: many attempts to stop drinking and thinking just reading lots about it, and doing what they say blindly will do it; it didn't work. I was not committed.
Obviously with this mind I never finish anything and I feel like a failure a lot: many attempts to stop drinking and thinking just reading lots about it, and doing what they say blindly will do it; it didn't work. I was not committed.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by Prion 
Yes I have this thing: I try to get everything done right away or I feel like I am a failure.
Obviously with this mind I never finish anything and I feel like a failure a lot: many attempts to stop drinking and thinking just reading lots about it, and doing what they say blindly will do it; it didn't work. I was not committed.
Obviously with this mind I never finish anything and I feel like a failure a lot: many attempts to stop drinking and thinking just reading lots about it, and doing what they say blindly will do it; it didn't work. I was not committed.
Perhaps you were committed but did not have the right tools? There could be a zillion things wrong.
Oh, when that fear of not drinking forever pops up? Remind yourself you are not going to drink TODAY.
Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Prion:
It's my experience that the "enlightenments" or "spiritual awakenings" keep happening the longer I keep coming.
I am in my 24th year of AA and feel better in my own skin than I did last year.
I will tell you what the oldtimers told me "Keep coming back, it keeps getting better".
They were right... but I had to keep coming back to realize it. If I remain somewhat spiritual I will continue to grow in AA.
The oldtimers in your group will tell you the same. Ask them, listen to them, trust them, follow them.
All the best.
Bob R
It's my experience that the "enlightenments" or "spiritual awakenings" keep happening the longer I keep coming.
I am in my 24th year of AA and feel better in my own skin than I did last year.
I will tell you what the oldtimers told me "Keep coming back, it keeps getting better".
They were right... but I had to keep coming back to realize it. If I remain somewhat spiritual I will continue to grow in AA.
The oldtimers in your group will tell you the same. Ask them, listen to them, trust them, follow them.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Originally Posted by Prion
Yes I have this thing: I try to get everything done right away or I feel like I am a failure.
Obviously with this mind I never finish anything and I feel like a failure a lot: many attempts to stop drinking and thinking just reading lots about it, and doing what they say blindly will do it; it didn't work. I was not committed.
Obviously with this mind I never finish anything and I feel like a failure a lot: many attempts to stop drinking and thinking just reading lots about it, and doing what they say blindly will do it; it didn't work. I was not committed.
1. Planning
2. Implementation
3. Maintenance
4. Review/improvement.
You're in the first part of the process - planning - and condemning yourself for not being in parts 2 or 3. You CAN'T be in parts 2 or 3 because you haven't completed the planning stage, which is basically gathering information, learning about AA and alcoholism, getting your sponsor, finding out how you and your sponsor will work together and then starting the Steps.
Once you've started the Steps, then you're in part 2. You are implementing the program of recovery in your life.
Then you'll be doing parts 3 and 4 as you continue on your journey - being vigilant that you are maintaining a healthy program and improving upon it as you see fit.
Give yourself a break and try and keep in mind that most things are a series of processes that can't be done all at once. If you try to plan and implement at the same time, you are bound for failure. That's what you're trying to do now. You've turned the oven on, put the cookie sheet in and you're wondering when the cookies will be baked. You haven't made the cookie dough yet. You haven't failed, you've just gotten ahead of yourself
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Prion,
You mention that you still hope you can change. Well, you can...not into a person who can drink again, but into a person who doesn't need to drink,obsess about drinking, or fear sobriety.
You can become a person who doesn't live the rest of their life in bondage to alcohol, or jonesing for a drink.
You mention that you still hope you can change. Well, you can...not into a person who can drink again, but into a person who doesn't need to drink,obsess about drinking, or fear sobriety.
You can become a person who doesn't live the rest of their life in bondage to alcohol, or jonesing for a drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Hey prion,
I remember feeling the exact same way when I first started going to meetings...like "Am I ever going to GET it", "What if it doesn't happen for me"...Over time it did happen for me but until then I listened and accepted that this was a process. And will always be. As long as you are taking care of yourself, you can't go wrong.
I remember feeling the exact same way when I first started going to meetings...like "Am I ever going to GET it", "What if it doesn't happen for me"...Over time it did happen for me but until then I listened and accepted that this was a process. And will always be. As long as you are taking care of yourself, you can't go wrong.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your sponsor will guide you through the Steps. One Step at a time--they are in order for a reason! According to the 12th Step, we have a spiritual awakening "as the result of these Steps." So don't expect one tomorrow. 
People spend a lifetime studying the Steps and how they apply in real life. You will get there. One day at a time.
People spend a lifetime studying the Steps and how they apply in real life. You will get there. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 429
Great job on going to a meeting again today (doesn't that sound cool...AGAIN!)
Take it slow you are so fresh in this, do not get over whelmed & be proud of every new step.
And as they say in AA/NA KEEP IT SIMPLE
Thats all we can really handle right now!
Peace
Take it slow you are so fresh in this, do not get over whelmed & be proud of every new step.
And as they say in AA/NA KEEP IT SIMPLE
Thats all we can really handle right now!
Peace
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