Trying so hard....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Trying so hard....
Hello, I finally got the courage to join. Or rather, I finally admitted that I can't do this alone and need some support. I'm 40 years old, and a working mom of 3 children. After a lifetime of having no interest in alcohol whatsoever, I started drinking when I was 35. For the past 3 or 4 years, it has gotten out of control.
I've been actively trying to stop drinking for the past year. But nothing seems to work. I'll make it 3 days at the most, and then give in to it. Is there something cursed about the 4th day? I was doing so well this week, and then last night (the 4th day, of course), I gave in and drank a bottle of wine.
I feel so ashamed. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why don't I have the strength to just stop? My husband is worried about me, but he also just doesn't understand. If he knew I've been drinking again, he'd be really angry because I've been hiding it from him. He thinks I haven't had anything to drink in a couple of months. I feel like such a loser, and so ashamed. Help, please.
I've been actively trying to stop drinking for the past year. But nothing seems to work. I'll make it 3 days at the most, and then give in to it. Is there something cursed about the 4th day? I was doing so well this week, and then last night (the 4th day, of course), I gave in and drank a bottle of wine.
I feel so ashamed. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why don't I have the strength to just stop? My husband is worried about me, but he also just doesn't understand. If he knew I've been drinking again, he'd be really angry because I've been hiding it from him. He thinks I haven't had anything to drink in a couple of months. I feel like such a loser, and so ashamed. Help, please.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 465
Hi Prasanti.
Glad that your here! You'll find a lot of good support here. Reading through the threads helps me to find that I am not alone, and you will likely find that as well.
It seems that a lot of us had, or have, trouble on day 4. I know I did!! For me, day four was the day that I was beginning to feel better physically, but emotionally my anxiety was off the Richter scale. I would then go back to drinking to medicate the unbearable feelings that I had.
You are not a "loser", and you no longer have to be ashamed. You have recognized your problem and are taking a great first step by acknowledging your desire for change. Reach out anytime you need to. You'll find that this is a great source of love and support.
Best to you.
Glad that your here! You'll find a lot of good support here. Reading through the threads helps me to find that I am not alone, and you will likely find that as well.
It seems that a lot of us had, or have, trouble on day 4. I know I did!! For me, day four was the day that I was beginning to feel better physically, but emotionally my anxiety was off the Richter scale. I would then go back to drinking to medicate the unbearable feelings that I had.
You are not a "loser", and you no longer have to be ashamed. You have recognized your problem and are taking a great first step by acknowledging your desire for change. Reach out anytime you need to. You'll find that this is a great source of love and support.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Hi and welcome to SR. You're not alone, there will be lots of us who can relate to your post.
I would take time to read other people's posts, find out what worked for them, post and ask questions.
There is a Class of March thread here for people quitting at the same time where you will find lots of support.
I understand you feeling ashamed, I did too, but there will be ways to work through those feelings. For now, focus on yourself. I'm glad you found us, and wish you well xxx
I would take time to read other people's posts, find out what worked for them, post and ask questions.
There is a Class of March thread here for people quitting at the same time where you will find lots of support.
I understand you feeling ashamed, I did too, but there will be ways to work through those feelings. For now, focus on yourself. I'm glad you found us, and wish you well xxx
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Prasanti -
It does seem to defy logic that we could have control in other areas of our lives yet not be able to stop drinking. That was the case for me, too, and it was hard to admit that I couldn't fix it on my own.
I'm really glad you posted - welcome to a great place!
It does seem to defy logic that we could have control in other areas of our lives yet not be able to stop drinking. That was the case for me, too, and it was hard to admit that I couldn't fix it on my own.
I'm really glad you posted - welcome to a great place!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Why do you keep on with the same insanity of drinking? Perhaps you are an alcoholic. Therefore, your strength has nothing to do with it. It has everything to do with your addiction's strength. Every four days it convinces you that you are going to fail, and what do you do? You drink.
It's not you being weak, it's the addictive voice that is so strong.
Quit setting yourself up failure. One day at a time. The fourth day is just another day you have to get through, and you can.
Originally Posted by Prasanti 
I feel so ashamed. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why don't I have the strength to just stop?
It's not you being weak, it's the addictive voice that is so strong.
Quit setting yourself up failure. One day at a time. The fourth day is just another day you have to get through, and you can.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Welcome, Prasanti!
It's sad, I think, that most of us feel so much shame about drinking. It is a disease but although we feel we are helpless, we really aren't. That's not to say that it's easy to quit! I lost count of the number of times since last May that I've made it through several days or a week and then gave in. I'm now on Day 12 and have realized that the specific Day number is nothing magical. Most of us need support in order to succeed but we can do it. There are a number of things that can help. You might want to read through the posts on the March 2013 thread. There are quite a few of us there and you will probably find people in the same circumstances and/or having the same feelings you do. The cravings are hard but they won't kill us -- alcohol can.
Some women have husbands who don't think their wives have a problem with alcohol and drink around them and invite them to drinking events. That's hard because they can't convince their husbands they have a problem.
Probably the most important thing you can do is to get positive support from people who are going through the same thing you are. I think there is a camaraderie that develops among those of us in the same boat and we help to encourage each other when we have trouble.
Best to you!
Sassy
It's sad, I think, that most of us feel so much shame about drinking. It is a disease but although we feel we are helpless, we really aren't. That's not to say that it's easy to quit! I lost count of the number of times since last May that I've made it through several days or a week and then gave in. I'm now on Day 12 and have realized that the specific Day number is nothing magical. Most of us need support in order to succeed but we can do it. There are a number of things that can help. You might want to read through the posts on the March 2013 thread. There are quite a few of us there and you will probably find people in the same circumstances and/or having the same feelings you do. The cravings are hard but they won't kill us -- alcohol can.
Some women have husbands who don't think their wives have a problem with alcohol and drink around them and invite them to drinking events. That's hard because they can't convince their husbands they have a problem.
Probably the most important thing you can do is to get positive support from people who are going through the same thing you are. I think there is a camaraderie that develops among those of us in the same boat and we help to encourage each other when we have trouble.
Best to you!
Sassy
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
to the family! Don't let your shame take you back to drinking. Take it one day at a time and you can get past that fourth day. It might help to make a list of why you want to stop drinking so you can read it when you have the urge to drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Redding, CA
Posts: 216
The 4th day was also a problem for me after trying for several months, on my own, I asked my daughter in law ( we are as close as i am with other in laws, but I knew she would understand) to stay with me on day 4, it got me past that day and gave me accountabilty, I am now on day 89, I feel great.You can do it. huggs
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