Frolic

Hello all,

New guy here. 32 years old, trying to understand and at least lessen my drinking.

I don´t know if I have a "real" problem or if I just need to cut back on drinking. I´ve been drinking every other day for the last 3 years. No hard liquer, mostly beer and wine. I´m afraid of becoming addicted and that´s why I´m here to talk to people who I hope understand what I´m going through.

Stress at work for the last 3 years and a breakup of a long passionate relationship has made me "perk up" with alcohol so I don´t feel to depressed. What scares me is that I drink alone most of the time and I´m not proud of it. I don´t feel good when I see myself in the mirror. I have a fat beer belly now that I never had before.

Basically, I want to at least get my drinking to a normal acceptable level (I don´t even know what normal drinking is). I think I´m drinking to feel less depressed and lonely.

If I quit drinking, will that feeling of depression and lonlieness go away?
It´s been less than 12 hours since my last drink now.
/Frolic

Jeni26

Hi Frolic, and welcome to SR.

When I first found SR I was pretty sure I had a drinking problem. No I hadn't got to the stage where I'd lost my job or family. No I hadn't been to rehab. But I had lost all my self-respect, my behaviour was becoming risky and dangerous and my health was suffering.

I think if you have an inkling that you will find it hard to quit, and you've found us, then you're drinking is a problem to you and that's what's important.

I would say read around this site, keep posting, and you will learn an important amount about alcohol just as I did.

Give yourself a fair time without drinking, maybe 90 days, then re-evaluate where you are emotionally and physically.

Best wishes to you x

MeSoSober

Welcome to you, Frolic! I just joined yesterday myself.

With regard to your question--only one way to find out, right? Join ussssss . . . :-)

CrossFox

Hi Frolic. You and I have a lot of similarities. Might you be able to lay off the beer and wine if you make an effort? Maybe you could, but I could not. What happened for me was that I kept "quitting" the beer and wine on my own, intending to stay away for a while and down the road, I would "enjoy" beer and wine in moderation. I would feel so proud of myself for not getting drunk at my cousin's wedding, say, and then use that as permission to reward myself (get drunk alone) after accomplishing this or that, repeat cycle. The beers crept in as a reward after doing mundane chore (cleaning the garage), and sometimes during.

I stopped a bunch of times with the beer and wine, on my own without support - even went nine months witnout alcohol last year - and tried to drink moderately again, but could not. Here I am, seeking support to stop totally.

"If I quit drinking, will that feeling of depression and lonlieness go away?"

For me it did. Until I got sober for a series of days (after resolving to quit totally), I did not realize that the alcohol was the major cause of the very feelings feelings of low self esteem and depression that I was seeking to escape. Now, I am not disowning responsibility for my feelings. I will say that every person that I know whose work connects them to mental health issues (therapists, psychiatrists, work counselors) wants to know up front about substance and alcohol use, because they say that therapy does not "work" unless one is sober, as the lingering unwanted feelings are chemically created and not any feedback from day to day reality.

I would say that the real sense of freedom came only after I decided to quit alcohol for good. Leaving open the possibility to return to moderate drinking did not bring a sense of freedom. I figured that trying to get and stay sober would only increase this mental preoccupation with alcohol (getting it, getting drunk, being hungover, thinking about getting drunk while "sober", trying to hide it, dealing with fallout from being drunk and hungover...), but that was not the case - the background obsession with alcohol has lessened even as I return to SoberRecovery again and again to chat about alcohol. It's weird I know.

Whatever you decide

flutter

Hi Quit for a month or two..that might answer some of your questions regarding possible addiction or issues like that. After I quit, for good.. my anxiety and depression lifted naturally, and I would do nothing to risk going back to that place again.

Frolic

Hello again,

Thank you kindly for you warm welcome. I recognize myself in what many of you are writing. What CrossFox is writing could have been me writing the same thing. It's like hearing my own voice saying it as I read it. I have also quit drinking a few times, maybe for a week or so, only to reward myself and celebrate that I made it for a whole week without alcohol.

I am now sober and have been for soon 24 hours. I feel mixed feelings all the time. One part of me thinks "what the heck, just one beer?" While the other part thinks "NO, not even one, not until I know if this really is a big problem."

I will definitely stick around and read on the forum. It feels a little less depressing knowing that I'm not all alone in having these issues. So far I have had no adverse effects of my drinking to my career and my public image. My personal social life have been affected, but mostly because I've isolated myself. Nobody knows what I'm going through and I haven't told anyone about this.

So THANK YOU all for being so kind.
Right now it feels VERY daunting to quit entirely... So many parts of my social life is circulating around alcohol. My coworkers always wanna go for after work drinks and my friends wanna have beers on the weekends. Am I so far gone that I cannot enjoy the occacional drink? How do I know if I still could have a @normal@ relationship to alcohol? Stopping completely scares me... Mostly because of what I have to tell people, that I don't drink since I'm an alcoholic. That would be impossible for me to say.

Maybe I'm over thinking all this. But my mind races around all these questions, and the implications are scary.

Frolic

Sorry for double posting, but I couldn't edit my above post after 15 minutes.

I just wanted to mention that I made the first full day without alcohol. It doesn't sound that impressing I know, but it's quite the challenge to break a habit. Especially while on vacation in Thailand. Everywhere I look there is alcohol. Cool sparkling drinks, and glistening beers to cool the head. I really had to struggle not to go for "just one beer".

So when you write 90 days without alcohol, just to try... I haven't been without alcohol for more than a week for many years... that sounds almost impossible.

0percentABV

Awesome advice right there. I too kicked around the thought of "someday" and "Maybe I really don't have a problem, I'm just stuck in a rut and I need time to get over it." But nothing came of it but just more baggage and eventually loss of control. My conscience was screaming at me to stop but I didn't want to face the rest of my life sober so I kept pushing. Once I truly accepted who I am did the weight fall off my shoulders. Having to act like you don't have a problem, even to yourself, is hard work.

Anyways. That was me. This is you. My advise: Start a journal. Just a simple wordpress private blog like I do will work. No one has to read it except you and put all your thoughts in it. I started one a year ago and it's so helpful for me to read what I wrote on and off the wagon. Delve deep into your psyche, find root problems, write them down. Remind yourself by reading yourself. And not only that keep reading this message board. Maybe even sit in on a AA meeting. Watch some movies or read books. Arm yourself with knowledge about it. The more you know the better you will be at making your decision. You're 32. Middle age, bro. The crossroads. Good luck!

artsoul

Welcome Frolic and congrats on getting through the day sober!

I felt much the same way at first, worrying about how I could possibly stay sober "forever." There's a saying in AA "One Day At A Time" and that helped me a lot...... I decided to adopt that and just think about the day at hand and how I could stay sober for that day. Sometimes I had to take it an hour or a minute at a time.

What happened with me is that the further I got from my last drink, the more clearly I saw how much it controlled my thoughts/life. I'm so much happier now and feel good about being the best I can be.

I'm glad you've joined us and I know you'll find lots of support and wisdom here!

1stepup

Hi Frolic, welcome to this site. Can relate a lot to your posts. I am also 32, and have struggled with alcohol for over half of them years. For me i, like you have used alcohol as a 'pick me up' and a crutch for relationship break-ups, stress etc, especially in the last few years. I used to be satisfied with beer but in these last few years i have gone for harder and harder stuff, id start off a bender drinking 'socially' with beer in pubs, the next day it would be cider still in pubs. By the third day i would be drinking cans at home and like you said in your post in isolation- the alcohol becomes more important than the socialising. This has crept up on me over time, im nearly 2 weeks sober now but i still feel down sometimes about never being able to 'enjoy' drinking socially again.

Only you can decide whether you want to stop altogether or cut down, i just know for me i cant do moderation, and i cant have that first drink- wish i could but i cant. Think once youve took it to a destructive level you can never regain control. Whether your drinking has got to that destructive level i dont know. I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

CNH08

Hi Frolic. Welcome! I'm 33. I posted on this site two days ago with the same fears. Give up alcohol for thirty days? Can't do it! 90 days you say? Forget about it! Give it up entirely?? But like artsoul said, one day at a time. One foot in front of the other.

I am in no place to offer really meaningful insight because I have only been sober two days. But I can relate in some ways. I didn't really isolate myself at home, but my social life revolved around booze. Meet a friend for drinks and shopping, go to a show and have some beers, happy hour, dating, going out for dinner, brunch, watching sports, karaoke! The list didn't end. How do I give all of this up? But just like the list, my night didn't end, even when my friends went home.

When my job stressed me out I drank (then either called out or came in hung over). After I lost my job I drank. When my long-term relationship was rocky I drank. When it ended I drank. It was a coping mechanism and allowed me to ignore what was really going on emotionally and mentally. Then I would CRASH and feel so much worse.

I am still struggling to come terms with all of this, but I wanted to share my experience and let you know you are not alone in your fear. Really, everyone on SR is here to help, without judging. Keep reading, keep posting, keep reflecting. Whatever conclusion you reach, I wish you the best.

Frolic

Hi,

Again, thank you all... all of this is a bit overwhelming. I came here not realizing what this could set in motion. I guessed it would be one of those guilty conscience bouts where you do drastic measures to feel better for a while and then go back to normal when the hangover was over.

But what I've read here... in just one day, have shaken me. Many of you describe exactly my behaviour patterns and label them problematic. I haven't dared look myself that honestly in the mirror before.

Right now I'm suffering from insomnia (03.41 in the morning here). I feel like I've been hit in the gut by all the harsh reality. The description of CNH8's social drinking partly fits my behaviour as well.

The advice to take one day at the time sounds comforting, even though it's more minute for minute right now. And hearing from people two days into the journey as well as people two weeks into it, and even years, that is really nice. This is gonna be tough, but I'm going for another day sober and gunning for at least the rest of my vacation (20 days left).

Thank you...

Frolic

Also, 0percentABV's advice to start a journal I find very good. This thread is sort of this day's journal. I read it over and over again and realize how much I've come to understand in such a short time. I have written a journal before, but only after a CRASH (like CNH8 wrote). It would therefore be very dark and depressing thoughts and very self loathing. When I felt better after that it felt like I must have overreacted and I discarded it as a fluke and not something that is my real self. "How could it be, I don't have a problem."

Now I'm realizing that this is not the way I wanna continue forward. So day 2... here I come!
But first some sleep hopefully. =)

YouRmySunshine

least

You don't have to tell anyone that you're an alcoholic as a reason for you not drinking. Just say you're not drinking right now, that's all. It's nobody's business anyway.

I know three months sounds like a long time to go without drinking, but I've gone without it now for over three years and don't miss it a bit. In fact, I've never felt better.