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Day 2 was a POS

Old 03-06-2013, 08:29 PM
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Day 2 was a POS

A few things made today a tough day to fight my addiction, and I am hoping that there are some answers out there our some people who can point me in the right direction:
1. I left where I lived to live closer to my fiance and know very few people around here, essentially an empty house with no accountability.
2. The drive home from me fiances is about 25 miles, giving me too much time to battle the craving. It feels overwhelming, I end up speeding and gripping the steering wheel without even realizing it.
3. My fiance, and most others around me, are very determined to not let my problem seem like a big deal, and are scared of the term 'alcoholic' saying things like "no there's no way your an alcoholic" or "its not really that big of a problem."
4. I am a server/bartender, and am around alcohol all day.

The drive home today was super tough, a mental battle that was one of the toughest times ever. I just wanted to scream. I kept going back and forth between getting some beer or not. My heart was racing the whole time. The good news is that I had victory through prayer and loud music. I do not want to go through that every night.
-R-
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Old 03-06-2013, 08:32 PM
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You can stay stopped!!!

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Old 03-06-2013, 08:37 PM
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hey Percussion! i'm in Milwaukee, so not too far from you. sobering up in Wisconsin is quite a challenge but the great part of it is that AA is so active here. i really think hitting a meeting would help you a lot right now. meetings help me relax and give me a place where i feel comfortable and can give voice to my frustrations in a place where people actually understand how i feel. give it a shot. if you go to a meeting and it works, then great! if you go and you don't feel better, then at least you gave it a shot. go with an open mind and heart and you may be pleasantly surprised.
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Old 03-06-2013, 08:43 PM
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Alright, going to go tomorrow. Would you recommend an early or later meeting? Most of my really intense cravings happen on my way home from work or my fiances house at night.
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Old 03-06-2013, 08:57 PM
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Hi great job asking for help, maybe start wit a early meeting then if your still craving you can always go to another meeting.
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Old 03-06-2013, 09:09 PM
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The drive home can be especially difficult when it is always part of your daily routine to stop and drink/pick up alcohol. It takes time for your mind/body to realize that stopping is no longer part of the routine, and that it is just fine for that to be the case. I also lived in your city for five years and it is an especially difficult place to get sober in.

But it DOES get better. Today is Day 100 for me, and I can tell you in all sincerity that it does get better. Every once in a while I'll still get slammed by a big craving on the way home, but now it is the exception and not the rule. But by that time you have have gained the strength to know it will pass and it becomes easier to fight (as long as you keep in mind that you DO have to keep fighting when it comes up).
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Old 03-06-2013, 09:11 PM
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I know it feels like madness right now - especially after day 2, but there will be a day 3 and on and on and it really does get better.
I too had people think "I wasn't that bad", I worked and even when I wasn't working, I'm sure few would believe I was drinking earlier in the day and later into the night - with my husband and partner in 'wine'.
My liver and some bad lab results are proof that yes, I was/am that bad.
I bartended for quite awhile many years back and it is an odd situation and even odder that the tempation to drink happened after work. Another poor comparision for addiction "you didn't drink on the job, so you couldnt be 'that bad".
I've not attended a meeting but what ever works for those who reccommend attending have your best interests at heart and truly care about your outcome.
Hang in there!
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Old 03-06-2013, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Percussion View Post
Alright, going to go tomorrow. Would you recommend an early or later meeting? Most of my really intense cravings happen on my way home from work or my fiances house at night.

Per - Good job on not drinking I can totally understand that battle in your head and you should be VERY proud of yourself you didn't cave just to shut it up. Good job! That really shows your determination and want to NOT LET ALCOHOL and that stupid voice that comes with it WIN! You are in charge.

Yeah I am with DG, go to a meeting! If you have time tomorrow why not try both; an early morning one and a night time one. Nothing to lose there. You will get to check out two groups and decide if you want to visit a same one the next day or venture out for a new meeting.

Hang in there. Reach out as you did here again! It really helps me to surround myself with people that understand alcoholism. You can find that here and definiatly at an AA meeting. If you ever need advice on AA or just an ear to scream or talk in. I am here. You can PM me anytime! I wish you well

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Old 03-06-2013, 09:45 PM
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Stay strong,
I cant imagine how hard it is to work in a bar. I know for me it is a real killer for me to know I will never be able to go back to that. I made good Money as a bartender/server. Im sure it didn't hurt that I was over friendly & was more than willing to share & listen to our drunken war stories, and we would all laugh about them.

No better way to get lots of tips by letting the man sitting across the bar from you night after night, think that HE isnt the one with the problem, the rest of the world was, so let me pour you another!

Please stay strong, and I really hope you are not working in a place that allows you to drink on the job (yea yea I know we are not suppose to, but anyone that has been in the industry for long enough & works at certain places it really is the norm)

Here's to another 24 hours!
~Peace
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Old 03-07-2013, 05:16 AM
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I know for me I wasn't able to get sober until I got a job that wasn't at a bar. So I am really impressed and proud of you for going 2 days without drinking. Drinking while we were closing up shop was the norm. ESPECIALLY after a crappy night.

What about stopping at a meeting on your way to your girlfriend's house? That will break up the drive and give you a chance to talk about that urge after it's super fresh in your mind. That helps me control them better, when you catch them early in the crave.
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Old 03-07-2013, 06:11 AM
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It's not helpful to you to listen to friends tell you that you don't have a problem with alcohol. You know that you do, and you should keep focused on that.

For me, I couldn't be around alcohol or people drinking alcohol for many months, so I can't imagine working in a bar in recovery. Would you consider changing your line of work?
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Old 03-07-2013, 06:38 AM
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Just for reference, closed meetings mean I cannot attend unless some stipulation is met?

Edit: Also, thank you everyone for your help, this site is really helping me battle this.
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Old 03-07-2013, 06:52 AM
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Dear Percussion,

Sorry to hear that you had a rough day yesterday. The good news is that you made it through, and reached out when you needed it. I hope that things are looking up for you today.

I am 22 days new myself, and a bit hesitant to give out advice quite yet. That being said, I understand your work dilemma. I own retaurants/bars, so I cannot escape the drinking element around me. Selling the businesses is not an option for me, although it would sure make things easier!! I am trying to see my work environment as a challenge. Almost like an intense crash course in sobriety. Does this make sense? I am bombarded by challenge and temptation, but I see it as good because through great adversity comes great strength. If I can get through this, I can get through anything. I will say, it was tough at first, but each day it becomes a little easier, and I feel that the challenge I am meeting through my work will make me stronger in every social situation that involves alcohol.

Just my experience so far, and how I am trying to perceive it.

Best to you today!
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Old 03-07-2013, 02:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Percussion View Post
Just for reference, closed meetings mean I cannot attend unless some stipulation is met?

Edit: Also, thank you everyone for your help, this site is really helping me battle this.
Closed meetings are for people who think they have a drinking problem and have a desire to quit, alcoholics. Thats all. Open means you could bring family and friends - nonalcoholics.
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Old 03-07-2013, 02:43 PM
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TY stepping, that opens a ton of meeting times for me, here I thought I needed to be invited or something like that for the closed meetings.
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Old 03-07-2013, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Percussion View Post
TY stepping, that opens a ton of meeting times for me, here I thought I needed to be invited or something like that for the closed meetings.
There are a few things about AA that I don't like, but I won't go into them here. Still, the fact is, AA can help you. It helps me and countless others. Some of the stuff, as I said, puts me off. But I take what I can get out of the meetings and leave the rest. If you don't like the first one, or maybe some people in it, try another.

Quitting drinking is hard Hard HARD. But oh so worth it. Good luck.
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Old 03-07-2013, 04:39 PM
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I know how you feel Percussion. I'm on day 1 again (after trying to quit many times before) and battling the nightly cravings. Congrats on 2 days, good luck..
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