Where do I start?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Where do I start?
I have two adult children living at home and a husband that is a workaholic and doesn't help much and absolutely will not admit that may it is even a possibility that he is a woh. I also supervise 11 employees at my place of employment .
A lot of my addiction was from not holding others as accountable as i should have and from doing their part. And I held all my feeling in. As time went on, I drank more and more and became less and less accountable. I stopped holding others accountable more and more also.
My question is this: Now that i am sober I have made some changes how do I begin to hold others accountable? I alway feel guilty and I do not want to be a hypocrite.
Like I said, I have got better but still do irresponsible things sometimes, such as calling in sick more than I should, laying in bed more than I should and not picking up after myself at home.
I really have got a lot better and I know it is all fear and habit based.
I have to start somewhere. My adult kids that are living at home need to be held more accountable. My husband really is a woh and doesn't put family first and I need to follow through with my employees at work that are not performing as they should.
Where do I start?
A lot of my addiction was from not holding others as accountable as i should have and from doing their part. And I held all my feeling in. As time went on, I drank more and more and became less and less accountable. I stopped holding others accountable more and more also.
My question is this: Now that i am sober I have made some changes how do I begin to hold others accountable? I alway feel guilty and I do not want to be a hypocrite.
Like I said, I have got better but still do irresponsible things sometimes, such as calling in sick more than I should, laying in bed more than I should and not picking up after myself at home.
I really have got a lot better and I know it is all fear and habit based.
I have to start somewhere. My adult kids that are living at home need to be held more accountable. My husband really is a woh and doesn't put family first and I need to follow through with my employees at work that are not performing as they should.
Where do I start?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: west bend wis
Posts: 57
You cant be wonder woman....Im sure you know how to delegate.Just put your plan into action that all these people in your life need to be the adults that they are,
Plain and simple.
You might be a bad guy for a minute but it will be worth your sanity
Plain and simple.
You might be a bad guy for a minute but it will be worth your sanity
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by neferkamichael 
PreciousKitty, So ...The short answer is one week today. You are FANTASTIC . Congratulations. PreciousKitty there is no such thing as adult children. Rootin for ya. 
OMG - Your so right. THey are my children and they are adults, but not adult children.
Well gosh that really helps me to look at things a little differently. Maybe thats why they act like they do because I treat them like "adult children" and there is no such a thing.
Thanks AGain!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
It sounds like you're starting to see things from a more healthy perspective. I think you're ready to start putting responsibility on your children and your co-workers. Boundaries are hard to set in early recovery, but I think it's really important to do so.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Preciouskitty-I work full-time in a stressful job, my H works shifts including nights and weekends. We go whole weeks communicating via post-it notes left on the fridge!!
Our children are 19 and 17, one works full-time, one is at college...there is NO WAY our family life would work out if everyone didn't pull their weight around here. Whoever is home first gets on with the dinner, the kids do their own ironing and have total responsibility for their rooms.
We are 4 adults sharing our home. That's the way I look at it.
Of course I could cheerfully strangle our daughter on frequent occasions as she likes to 'collect' glasses and plates in her bedroom for weeks, and everything is left to the very last minute and then done begrudgingly....but...it is done eventually... And I know if it was all left to me, I would get so stressed and resentful. And as we know, those aren't good feelings for an alcoholic!
As far as your family goes, how about a little tough love...this is how it's gonna be from now on..everyone sharing the load xxx
Our children are 19 and 17, one works full-time, one is at college...there is NO WAY our family life would work out if everyone didn't pull their weight around here. Whoever is home first gets on with the dinner, the kids do their own ironing and have total responsibility for their rooms.
We are 4 adults sharing our home. That's the way I look at it.
Of course I could cheerfully strangle our daughter on frequent occasions as she likes to 'collect' glasses and plates in her bedroom for weeks, and everything is left to the very last minute and then done begrudgingly....but...it is done eventually... And I know if it was all left to me, I would get so stressed and resentful. And as we know, those aren't good feelings for an alcoholic!
As far as your family goes, how about a little tough love...this is how it's gonna be from now on..everyone sharing the load xxx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Inbetween dances
Posts: 548
Precious: congrats on a week, and the 9 months before that! You can do this!
Here's my opinion: husband may work so much because he didn't like what was happening at home, so work was a place for him to escape. Our addictions influence others actions and reactions, I think we need to respect out spouses space. Maybe he's not ready to participate, I'm not saying it's right, but there has to be a reason he works so much! Maybe by now it's just pure habit.
Children: adult or not need to be held accountable yes, but without emotion. All we can do is ask, and follow through with our end of the deal.
We are not responsible for the way people feel. We are not responsible for their actions or reactions. We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We need to keep lines of communication open, admit when we are wrong and apologize or make amends when we have wronged someone, however we don't need to constantly pick up the pieces to make someone else life more manageable. Our lives became unmanageable. My life was unmanageable, that's why I sought help for my drinking problem.
I don't have all the answers, I may not have any of the answers, but I hoped to hve helped a bit for you
best wishes!!!
Here's my opinion: husband may work so much because he didn't like what was happening at home, so work was a place for him to escape. Our addictions influence others actions and reactions, I think we need to respect out spouses space. Maybe he's not ready to participate, I'm not saying it's right, but there has to be a reason he works so much! Maybe by now it's just pure habit.
Children: adult or not need to be held accountable yes, but without emotion. All we can do is ask, and follow through with our end of the deal.
We are not responsible for the way people feel. We are not responsible for their actions or reactions. We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We need to keep lines of communication open, admit when we are wrong and apologize or make amends when we have wronged someone, however we don't need to constantly pick up the pieces to make someone else life more manageable. Our lives became unmanageable. My life was unmanageable, that's why I sought help for my drinking problem.
I don't have all the answers, I may not have any of the answers, but I hoped to hve helped a bit for you
best wishes!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by fallingtogether
Precious: congrats on a week, and the 9 months before that! You can do this!
Here's my opinion: husband may work so much because he didn't like what was happening at home, so work was a place for him to escape. Our addictions influence others actions and reactions, I think we need to respect out spouses space. Maybe he's not ready to participate, I'm not saying it's right, but there has to be a reason he works so much! Maybe by now it's just pure habit.
Children: adult or not need to be held accountable yes, but without emotion. All we can do is ask, and follow through with our end of the deal.
We are not responsible for the way people feel. We are not responsible for their actions or reactions. We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We need to keep lines of communication open, admit when we are wrong and apologize or make amends when we have wronged someone, however we don't need to constantly pick up the pieces to make someone else life more manageable. Our lives became unmanageable. My life was unmanageable, that's why I sought help for my drinking problem.
I don't have all the answers, I may not have any of the answers, but I hoped to hve helped a bit for you best wishes!!!
Here's my opinion: husband may work so much because he didn't like what was happening at home, so work was a place for him to escape. Our addictions influence others actions and reactions, I think we need to respect out spouses space. Maybe he's not ready to participate, I'm not saying it's right, but there has to be a reason he works so much! Maybe by now it's just pure habit.
Children: adult or not need to be held accountable yes, but without emotion. All we can do is ask, and follow through with our end of the deal.
We are not responsible for the way people feel. We are not responsible for their actions or reactions. We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We need to keep lines of communication open, admit when we are wrong and apologize or make amends when we have wronged someone, however we don't need to constantly pick up the pieces to make someone else life more manageable. Our lives became unmanageable. My life was unmanageable, that's why I sought help for my drinking problem.
I don't have all the answers, I may not have any of the answers, but I hoped to hve helped a bit for you
best wishes!!!I am so very grateful to have you all.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty
My question is this: Now that i am sober I have made some changes how do I begin to hold others accountable? I always feel guilty and I do not want to be a hypocrite.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
