lmp1010

It has been very comforting reading all the posts on the newcomers board. Realizing that I am not alone even though I knew that all along. I would really like to get sober but cannot seem to find the strength to do it. I am a daily drinker who pounds about 10-12 Bud Lights per night, and I am a petite girl. The amount I drink is very embarrasing to me and I often hide beers around the house or in the trunk of my car so my fiance doesn't realize how much I drink. Needless to say, the recycle bin is always full about a week before it is to be picked up! Every morning I wake up and feel terribly guilty and helpless. Like such a horrible person. There are so many things that I neglect doing because of time spent drinking. Plus I always seem to have the shakes, to the point where I can bearly sign my name on the credit card slip. I am 28 and have been drinking like this since about age 21.

I am very concerned about my health as well. I have Lupus and I always lie to my doctor about what I drink. I would like to attend meetings, and I know I need to take that step. I just get very nervous in public, my nerves are always shot. Plus I am concerned about what my fiance would think. He looks a support groups as a joke. Know the type? Anyway, sorry this is so long. Any advice would be helpful.

In memory of miracle

Welcome to SR! My name is Trish and I am an alcoholic.I couldnt believe when I read in your post that you have Lupus.I do too! I identify with all the feelings you shared including the physical ones.For myself I was detoxed in a medical facility and attend AA.I will have 6 months without a drink on monday.You will find alot of support and understanding here.Hang in there! Prayers to you.. Trish.

Dan

Hi Imp, my name's Dan. First off, welcome here. Cool place with all the support you could ask for. Twelve pack a night will give you the shakes in the morning for sure. And the only way to abate them sometimes is to drink more. Ditto here on hiding the booze. You sound to me like a person at a crossroads. I'd advise total honesty with your doctor first thing. He/she will advise you as to health impacts. And these are many. Secondly, your fiance. I would venture a guess he suspects something. It's hard, no matter what we think, to hide daily heavy drinking. His opinion is really irrelevant about support groups. You are the person who needs the help. And there is nothing more you need now than to sit with others like you and listen to their stories. You simply have to find a meeting and go sit there. No need to talk if you don't want to. There's an online meeting here tonight at 10:30 eastern. Always lots of good people show up early and chat! You're right, you are not alone. So stick around and get comfortable. We brew the best coffee on the web!

ted

WELCOME ABOARD IMP,
YOU WILL FIND ALOT OF SUPPORT HERE.
IT'S ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM AND YOUR SOLUTION.
STICK AROUND ,MORE WILL SAY HELLO.
ted

mackat

hello imp- yeh i made lots of jokes about support groups. AA/NA came along, saved my a*s. Couldn't believe there were so many folks telling my story.. Been going to them for a while now. And i still make lots of jokes about them!! Dan and Ted say it well. we are on your side...before long, you'll be on your side.
mackat

Anna

Hi Struggling,

Welcome and congratulations for accepting that you have a problem with alcohol. I absolutely rememaber the guilt and shame I felt when I was trying to hide my drinking from my family. It was horrible! . Try to think in terms of small steps so it is not so overwhelming. Don't focus on what your boyfriend or your doctor will think. Just don't take a drink today. That's all you need to do. It won't be easy, but it can be done. Hang around here and get to know us. We can offer you a lot of support and understanding.

Love, Anna

lmp1010

Thankyou for all the great responses. I cannot beleive there are people out there who seem to know exactly what I am going through. Even down to the Lupus thing. I think a lot of my problem is being hung on having to tell friends that I am an alcoholic. For some reason that bothers me the most. Many of them drink a lot too, and I think I would alienate all my friends, maybe even my fiance.

Dan

Well, here's the deal. Anyone who walks away from you because you admit to having a problem with alcohol and want to do something about it wasn't worth having around in the first place, in my opinion. I also want to say that you might be surprised at the amount of support you will get from these people.

Anna

Hi Imp,

I think you're completely right. Most of us here have had to make major changes in our lives to stay sober. Many people have talked of leaving friends behind. I know I had to change routines and patterns in my day to get through the times when I craved a drink. It really comes down to making some choices, sometimes hard ones, in order to have a much better life.

Love, Anna

mackat

imp
funny- i never had to justify my sobriety to anyone. a new guy on a crew once asked if i wasn't bored, being sober. i didn't have to say much- the rest of the crew was laughing too loud!!
mackat

lmp1010

Thats funny Mackat. Because, I have always been under the impression that being sober must be the most boring thing in the world. I mean how do you have fun at a party, on vacation etc..

ted

HEY IMP,IT'S STILL FUN SOBER,PLUS YOU CAN REMEMBER IT!
ted

saltH20

the reality most likely is, the 10-12 Bud Lites will turn into 10 to 12 Bud Lite and a pint of booze, it's right around the corner. then you'll have real problems, the list oif them is endless.

lmp1010

Hard to beleive it could possibly get worse, but I'm sure it can.

Justme57

Hi Imp, and welcome to SR

I can only add my " hello" and endorse all that has been said .

my name is Lee, alcoholic, I too chose AA as my recovery method , and they saved my life ! I drank for 37 years , and wish I had found them sooner . I now have 6 1/2 months sober , and a new life .

As for telling everyone , you dont have to, and I found that even those I did choose to tell, forgot about it after a while.

You will probably find that you will have to make some changes in your lifestyle, but I am just in the middle of my first sober vacation, and have never been so busy socially, nor had so much fun, without the shame and remorse .

Good Luck with your decision, keep posting and let us know how you are going !

HUGX
Lee

Dan

Stick around here long enough and you wont believe your ears!

mackat

imp, re 'boring sobriety'
in my sobriety [and i'll leave out all the unbelievable internal stuff]:
paid off my morgage so i could
built a shop so i could
build a wooden canoe, a 12foot dingy and the first hull of a 31 foot catamaran
Got a big motorcycle , ride to sobriety campouts
went to weekly writers support group -almost 2 yrs-they all thought i was high!!
finished writing my first novel
midway thru writing my 2nd book
started a building business- have three crews now
financed a recording studio
started rockclimbing after many years away
started steep n deep powder skiing after many years away
after my son came to live w/ me [another gift in recovery], taught him to whitewater raft and canoe- started kayaking after many years....
played 2nd base for sober softball team
play music once a week w/ sober guys
put in my lil zen garden-
take long walks, howl with th coyotes
go dancin about once a month
road trip on two lane blacktop thru the heartland w/ my teenage son -yah hooo!!
write poetry, recording a CD
still adding on to my cabin
1st time to try playing lap steel guitar 2 nites ago
go to lots of meetings!
saw life as The Beginning instead of The Prison
you can do this too
mackat

saltH20

i too did not want to have to deal with sociaty with a problem. i've been fighting it for a while, and more accutly this past month. everyone i know drinks, and some of the younger than me's are right close to being in my shoes. guarranteed, in a couple years, most of my local bud's are going to be facing the fiddler. a 15 year buddy just got his first DUI. he's been doing the wake up with a scotch and finish with a scotch for stinkin years, with a 1.5 hour commute!
i figure, instead of suck em up, suck it up.

lmp1010

Thanks Macket, I guess I just fear boredom because it is so hard to conceive a life without boo's. Your words help.

In memory of miracle

((((mackat)))) You are the bomb! :star