Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
Advice
Hi everybody, I'm a new guy here and im seeking advice. My situation is a little unique and I figured the people in this forum would be alot more understanding/insightful then what rehab affectionately refers to as "normies."
So here's my situation, I've been a poly drug abuser since i've been 18 so for about 4 years. During this time I've self medicated with whatever I could get my hands on, ontop of being young. At 20 I started using Heroin, I got clean after October of 2012 and I dont plan on going back. My family has been wonderful and supportive and I have been trying to keep busy and occupied. So this is the good news.
The bad news is i've been in college this entire time. A big part of the reason I used was I wanted to avoid the problem of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I finally figured it out and im 23. This is where my parents understanding runs thin. Ex "4 year degree means 4 years why dont you have it?" and whatever. I'm doing the best I can to get back on my feet, but the problem is by the time I get my degree i'll be almost 26 or 27.
I feel like I pissed away the time I was allotted, now im 6 months sober my biological clock just happens to go. "Oh time's up, get a job and forget about w/e dreams you have and become some kind of cash cow." I feel pretty screwed to say the least.
So here's my issue, should I persist and get my degree? or call it a day and recoup my loses. The economy is running thin and so is my parents patience. I'm trying to be optimistic because I found my goal, at the same time I feel like im fighting the social stigma of being a perpetual student. As far as the perception of my family and family acquaintances go. This makes me feel like i'm a idiot or just blindingly ********, I don’t think I deserve to work on a $20,000 a year salary for the rest of my life.
I'm open to advice and suggestions, and i'm listening very tentatively and carefully thanks so much everybody I really appreciate it.
So here's my situation, I've been a poly drug abuser since i've been 18 so for about 4 years. During this time I've self medicated with whatever I could get my hands on, ontop of being young. At 20 I started using Heroin, I got clean after October of 2012 and I dont plan on going back. My family has been wonderful and supportive and I have been trying to keep busy and occupied. So this is the good news.
The bad news is i've been in college this entire time. A big part of the reason I used was I wanted to avoid the problem of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I finally figured it out and im 23. This is where my parents understanding runs thin. Ex "4 year degree means 4 years why dont you have it?" and whatever. I'm doing the best I can to get back on my feet, but the problem is by the time I get my degree i'll be almost 26 or 27.
I feel like I pissed away the time I was allotted, now im 6 months sober my biological clock just happens to go. "Oh time's up, get a job and forget about w/e dreams you have and become some kind of cash cow." I feel pretty screwed to say the least.
So here's my issue, should I persist and get my degree? or call it a day and recoup my loses. The economy is running thin and so is my parents patience. I'm trying to be optimistic because I found my goal, at the same time I feel like im fighting the social stigma of being a perpetual student. As far as the perception of my family and family acquaintances go. This makes me feel like i'm a idiot or just blindingly ********, I don’t think I deserve to work on a $20,000 a year salary for the rest of my life.
I'm open to advice and suggestions, and i'm listening very tentatively and carefully thanks so much everybody I really appreciate it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
There's all kinds of valid non drug related reasons why people take longer than 4 years to do a 4 year degree - you're not Robinson Crusoe.
Forget about what others think - think about what you want and how you feel - do you feel college has been a waste?
do you feel like you want a job now?
I think your employment prospects would be better with a degree, but there are options there too - could you go part-time if you wanted?
I spent about a decade at College - doing a basic degree then some postgraduate stuff.
It was a great experience and I don't regret it a bit.
D
Forget about what others think - think about what you want and how you feel - do you feel college has been a waste?
do you feel like you want a job now?
I think your employment prospects would be better with a degree, but there are options there too - could you go part-time if you wanted?
I spent about a decade at College - doing a basic degree then some postgraduate stuff.
It was a great experience and I don't regret it a bit.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Dee74 
There's all kinds of valid non drug related reasons why people take longer than 4 years to do a 4 year degree - you're not Robinson Crusoe.
Forget about what others think - think about what you want and how you feel - do you feel college has been a waste?
do you feel like you want a job now?
I think your employment prospects would be better with a degree, but there are options there too - could you go part-time if you wanted?
I spent about a decade at College - doing a basic degree then some postgraduate stuff.
It was a great experience and I don't regret it a bit.
D
Forget about what others think - think about what you want and how you feel - do you feel college has been a waste?
do you feel like you want a job now?
I think your employment prospects would be better with a degree, but there are options there too - could you go part-time if you wanted?
I spent about a decade at College - doing a basic degree then some postgraduate stuff.
It was a great experience and I don't regret it a bit.
D
The reality is if I go now im royally screwed, I had to grow up, I get that more then anyone. I dont think of myself as entitled to anything, jesus, I just want a second chance. Like I said i'm confident and I honestly believe that now I have a clear vision of what I need to do with my life. I just don't know how to break it to my parents, living off of $20,000 a year is hardly a living.
Part time is a large option actually, btw I got a good laugh out of the Robin Crusoe comment.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I just realised...I'm Australian and you're not LOL.
I had subsidies to help me pay my own way through Uni (college)...I get now where your folks fit into this.
Doesn't change my answer tho - like Anna I think we have to follow our dreams. Maybe part time will enable you to pay your own way and not be beholden to your folks?
D
I had subsidies to help me pay my own way through Uni (college)...I get now where your folks fit into this.
Doesn't change my answer tho - like Anna I think we have to follow our dreams. Maybe part time will enable you to pay your own way and not be beholden to your folks?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
lol no problem, it is a option and I do want to get my degree but the problem is the cheapest rent around me I could afford would probably be $500 a month. I did the math, and I planned everything out with my school counsellor. With the total and everything I should be ok, providing I'm still at home. Then when I get to Grad school thats when I really have to worry/move on.
I can work and finish my community college education, I did my research and I found a good University that I aspire to go too. I mean, it just sucks, I wouldn’t be down on myself, but I feel like there's this expectation that right out of highschool your supposed to be some kind of laser guided missle shooting towards some magnificent career.
I'm feeling pretty stuck, should I man up and tell my parents and let things fall where they may?
I can work and finish my community college education, I did my research and I found a good University that I aspire to go too. I mean, it just sucks, I wouldn’t be down on myself, but I feel like there's this expectation that right out of highschool your supposed to be some kind of laser guided missle shooting towards some magnificent career.
I'm feeling pretty stuck, should I man up and tell my parents and let things fall where they may?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 430
It sounds like you are doing your homework, opiate45. Good work! I wish I had known what I wanted to do when I was still an undergrad.
Since you are a slightly older student, working while studying may give you more confidence when you go looking for that first big job out of school. If I had it to do over again, I would try to find real-world experience in the field while still in school, whether it is through a summer internship or a part-time job in that field.
Also, keep in mind that many universities have special services for "non-traditional students," which at my university includes students with children, married students, students who are returning to school after serving in the military, and other adult learners in a degree-seeking program. In many cases there are grants and scholarships set aside for non-traditional students, so be sure to investigate those opportunities.
Since you are a slightly older student, working while studying may give you more confidence when you go looking for that first big job out of school. If I had it to do over again, I would try to find real-world experience in the field while still in school, whether it is through a summer internship or a part-time job in that field.
Also, keep in mind that many universities have special services for "non-traditional students," which at my university includes students with children, married students, students who are returning to school after serving in the military, and other adult learners in a degree-seeking program. In many cases there are grants and scholarships set aside for non-traditional students, so be sure to investigate those opportunities.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Opiate45,
I wish I was back in your situation. With what I know now, I would do so many things differently, but I digress. What I wanted to share with you is that I was fighting my alcohol/addict throughout college. I ended up staying far longer than I should have. I still have no idea with what I want to do. During this whole time, I lied to my parents about getting my degree earlier than I did. I come from a long line of doctors, so their expectation was very high. I've come to realize that I'm nothing like these people, but I didn't want to let them down, so I continued to lie to them while wasting their money. I continue to live this lie today, and I know it's a huge contribution to why I relapse. I dont know if I will ever tell them the truth.
If you can tell your parents now, I would suggest to do that. They might be disappointed or whatever, but at least you will have a clear conscience and be able to concentrate with your goals. The fact that you even have a plan as to how you want to reach your goal is being successful. I hope you can figure out the financial situation, but I must reiterate to be upfront and honest with your parents.
I wish I was back in your situation. With what I know now, I would do so many things differently, but I digress. What I wanted to share with you is that I was fighting my alcohol/addict throughout college. I ended up staying far longer than I should have. I still have no idea with what I want to do. During this whole time, I lied to my parents about getting my degree earlier than I did. I come from a long line of doctors, so their expectation was very high. I've come to realize that I'm nothing like these people, but I didn't want to let them down, so I continued to lie to them while wasting their money. I continue to live this lie today, and I know it's a huge contribution to why I relapse. I dont know if I will ever tell them the truth.
If you can tell your parents now, I would suggest to do that. They might be disappointed or whatever, but at least you will have a clear conscience and be able to concentrate with your goals. The fact that you even have a plan as to how you want to reach your goal is being successful. I hope you can figure out the financial situation, but I must reiterate to be upfront and honest with your parents.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I have a friend in recovery in her 50s who always asks me what I want to be when I grow up and that I better figure it out now because she is going to school to still figure it out... My point is, if you know what you want to do, go for it. You could get a job that has tuition reimbursement too, a lot of companies offer that.
Best of luck!
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
I have a son who is 23 and is still trying to get to that point of leaving heroin behind. I think your parents will continue to be supportive if you are honest and let them know what your plan is. What parent wouldn't be proud of their child who overcame an addiction and now wants to work hard and be serious?
Best of luck opiate 45
TT
Best of luck opiate 45
TT
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Lynnwood WA
Posts: 424
You sound a lot like me. I screwed around and wasted $40k at a top University. I partied my behind off and got thrown out. I was back on my parents' doorstep. I went to community college for 5 years. I worked at a coffee stand for two of those years and as a nursing assistant for 3 of those years. Not the best jobs. I didn't have to pay rent but I had to pay for my college and everything else. I was only able to move out at 24 because my parents owned a condo in a neighboring city. Many of my friends have moved out right away, screwed up somehow and are 30 and living with their parents. Do you want to be 30 and living at home? Or 26/27, a college graduate, with a nice job, and able to move out? I am now 30, with a Master's degree, a house of my own and a decent job. My advice: stay sober, stay home, work to get your degree, go to work and everything will fall into place. Moving out has its own stresses and stress could lead to using again. Who cares what everyone else thinks? You have roommates who happen to be your parents. Do this now at 23 instead or 33 or 43. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Recovery1983
Opiate45,
I wish I was back in your situation. With what I know now, I would do so many things differently, but I digress. What I wanted to share with you is that I was fighting my alcohol/addict throughout college. I ended up staying far longer than I should have. I still have no idea with what I want to do. During this whole time, I lied to my parents about getting my degree earlier than I did. I come from a long line of doctors, so their expectation was very high. I've come to realize that I'm nothing like these people, but I didn't want to let them down, so I continued to lie to them while wasting their money. I continue to live this lie today, and I know it's a huge contribution to why I relapse. I dont know if I will ever tell them the truth.
If you can tell your parents now, I would suggest to do that. They might be disappointed or whatever, but at least you will have a clear conscience and be able to concentrate with your goals. The fact that you even have a plan as to how you want to reach your goal is being successful. I hope you can figure out the financial situation, but I must reiterate to be upfront and honest with your parents.
I wish I was back in your situation. With what I know now, I would do so many things differently, but I digress. What I wanted to share with you is that I was fighting my alcohol/addict throughout college. I ended up staying far longer than I should have. I still have no idea with what I want to do. During this whole time, I lied to my parents about getting my degree earlier than I did. I come from a long line of doctors, so their expectation was very high. I've come to realize that I'm nothing like these people, but I didn't want to let them down, so I continued to lie to them while wasting their money. I continue to live this lie today, and I know it's a huge contribution to why I relapse. I dont know if I will ever tell them the truth.
If you can tell your parents now, I would suggest to do that. They might be disappointed or whatever, but at least you will have a clear conscience and be able to concentrate with your goals. The fact that you even have a plan as to how you want to reach your goal is being successful. I hope you can figure out the financial situation, but I must reiterate to be upfront and honest with your parents.
.
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