33 days today and Ive lost that lovin' feeling
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 429
I would not be strong enough to do a girls night, Im only 51 days sober. I just know I like you am past that euphoric sober state
The challenges become much more real, & the work if done right takes more time & thought.
I just hope you make the decision that is right for your sobriety! Because that HAS TO BE your #1 priority right now.
Peace!
The challenges become much more real, & the work if done right takes more time & thought.
I just hope you make the decision that is right for your sobriety! Because that HAS TO BE your #1 priority right now.
Peace!
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Arctic congrats on a sober month!
Thanks for the update too. I went through similar moments myself. I probably still will! Im at 90 days on friday and I have learned a ton these past few months.
My pink cloud dissipated at around a month. I had to lay off of thinking about recovery sometimes and just live that normal life.
As time has passed I feel Ive learned more about my drinking problem. Most of that is centered around how alcohol made me feel inside. Even when it felt good and great and fun on the outside something was missing there for me. Its hard to put my finger on or explain.
My point is that I now realize more than ever this sobriety journey is about me. My life! My life starts with how I feel about myself inside which then directs my actions.
My wife doesn't know how I feel.
My family either. Nor my friends. The 'fun' guy they once knew on the outside did not feel ok on
the inside. They want me to let loose on the outside but they do not have to pick up the pieces later.
Staying sober I have a chance for peace. My life is not a pink cloud 24/7, but I can find peace and serenity a little at a time each day today.
Some of them might not like it...
But they are not living my life.
Thanks for the update too. I went through similar moments myself. I probably still will! Im at 90 days on friday and I have learned a ton these past few months.
My pink cloud dissipated at around a month. I had to lay off of thinking about recovery sometimes and just live that normal life.
As time has passed I feel Ive learned more about my drinking problem. Most of that is centered around how alcohol made me feel inside. Even when it felt good and great and fun on the outside something was missing there for me. Its hard to put my finger on or explain.
My point is that I now realize more than ever this sobriety journey is about me. My life! My life starts with how I feel about myself inside which then directs my actions.
My wife doesn't know how I feel.
My family either. Nor my friends. The 'fun' guy they once knew on the outside did not feel ok on
the inside. They want me to let loose on the outside but they do not have to pick up the pieces later.
Staying sober I have a chance for peace. My life is not a pink cloud 24/7, but I can find peace and serenity a little at a time each day today.
Some of them might not like it...
But they are not living my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I'm with the crowd that thinks 30 days is fantastic.
I think building a sober life we're happy in takes a little while longer tho.
It did for me anyway
I had to make some changes - my old life was a drinkers life. A lot of it didn't fit anymore, and other parts needed to be renegotiated.
Ultimately I had to hang up my party dude suit - but I was ok with that because it wasn't really me anyway - it was just old me trying to fit in, and be who I thought people wanted me to be.
D
I think building a sober life we're happy in takes a little while longer tho.
It did for me anyway
I had to make some changes - my old life was a drinkers life. A lot of it didn't fit anymore, and other parts needed to be renegotiated.
Ultimately I had to hang up my party dude suit - but I was ok with that because it wasn't really me anyway - it was just old me trying to fit in, and be who I thought people wanted me to be.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
First, congrats on passing the 30 day mark! I remember feeling the first glimmer of hope in my sobriety right at that point. But I also remember thinking "well, that sucked but I did it! Wait, what now?" So...I stopped worrying about what now? and started focusing on being present in my own life each day. It worked. Sure, thoughts of the future or worries about upcoming trips/events crept in but I dealt with them. Sober.
I figured out pretty quick that a sober plan prior to an event is a must. So here's the short version. If you don't trust yourself yet, don't go. If you do, but are a tiny bit scared you will cave, have an exit plan. And, my favorite, above all - and there is no negotiating this one - if you have a smartphone and are about to pour your drink/take that first sip immediately go to the bathroom, logon and tell someone about it or read posts. I found that by the time I got out of the bathroom my craving had passed, I realized I was not interested in being drunk, and continued on with my evening.
Hope this helps a little
I figured out pretty quick that a sober plan prior to an event is a must. So here's the short version. If you don't trust yourself yet, don't go. If you do, but are a tiny bit scared you will cave, have an exit plan. And, my favorite, above all - and there is no negotiating this one - if you have a smartphone and are about to pour your drink/take that first sip immediately go to the bathroom, logon and tell someone about it or read posts. I found that by the time I got out of the bathroom my craving had passed, I realized I was not interested in being drunk, and continued on with my evening.
Hope this helps a little
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
I DID IT, I DID IT!!!!
I ordered water at the restaurant and one girl mentioned "Are you on the wagon?" And I said "yup!" and that was it! Not one other thing was mentiond about it! Boy did I overreact. Most of the ladies were driking old-fashioneds so yuk, no temptation there!
I had a delicious dinner and afterwards the giant SUV full of ladies said there good byes, and then I REALLY kicked the beast in the face and went across the parking lot to my gym and worked my butt off for an hour!!!
Mua-hahahahahahah!!!
I ordered water at the restaurant and one girl mentioned "Are you on the wagon?" And I said "yup!" and that was it! Not one other thing was mentiond about it! Boy did I overreact. Most of the ladies were driking old-fashioneds so yuk, no temptation there!
I had a delicious dinner and afterwards the giant SUV full of ladies said there good byes, and then I REALLY kicked the beast in the face and went across the parking lot to my gym and worked my butt off for an hour!!!
Mua-hahahahahahah!!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Good for you! Yup, we usually build those events into a much bigger deal than they really are. Just stay cautious, my friend. One successful night out with the girls doesn't mean you got nothing to worry about so far as hanging around drinking. Go slow, stay away from it as much as possible for the next few months. Eventually it won't present a danger to you (as long as your head is in the right place), but early sobriety is kinda fragile and you don't want to be going through another day one.
Congrats on your sober time!
Congrats on your sober time!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
If you go to that girls night you're probably going to drink. You can't worry too much about what everyone thinks, trust me, most people won't understand unless they too are sober. Find some friends who don't drink and if your other friends can't deal with you unless you drink with them (and they know you aren't happy when you drink but don't seem to care) they are bad friends!
As for your guy; my fiancée is also a drinker. He is normal about it I guess but also smokes pot every night to help him sleep (he says) and I don't like it but I just do my thing. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself first. It's a shame he's not being supportive but if he really loves you he will eventually see that you are happier being sober and he will at least stop being so hard on you. You can't change him though, only yourself. It sounds like you're doing well so far, why give up a month of working so hard to please others? You can do this. Stick to your guns!
As for your guy; my fiancée is also a drinker. He is normal about it I guess but also smokes pot every night to help him sleep (he says) and I don't like it but I just do my thing. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself first. It's a shame he's not being supportive but if he really loves you he will eventually see that you are happier being sober and he will at least stop being so hard on you. You can't change him though, only yourself. It sounds like you're doing well so far, why give up a month of working so hard to please others? You can do this. Stick to your guns!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 27
Glad you are here, ArticSC!! And congrats on the 30-days.
I know from my own experience, my ex-wife was not very helpful in terms of my recovery. If I was the least bit ornery, she would tell me I needed to call my sponsor or attend a meeting. It drove me nuts!! She was very quick to take my inventory, but not at all interested in taking her own. After all, i was the one with the problem, why should she change.
The truth was she was as sick as I was, from long and protracted exposure to...ME!!
It was only when I listened to some advise I got around the table at AA, that I realized I was only abstinent, not sober. That is, I was fighting alcohol every day, white-knucking my way thru - and my only motivation for doing so were back problems. You know, I had to get my wife off my back, my boss, my family, my creditors...everyone and anyone but...ME!!
When that changed in my head, all sorts of things fell into place. You notice I referred to her as my EX. That happened four years later when it became clear that the best thing I could do for her was grant her pals for a divorce, and let her move on so she could get better. It was amiable, and she and i still respect each other and do things as a family with our kids. Buy I stopped making it about my back problems and me - I made it about beginning to recover from alcoholism, not avoiding alcohol or fighting it.
Alcoholism is pathological nature - isolates you, imprisons you, and then ultimately brings about your demise (physically, mentally, and spiritually). Recovery is a process of change through which we improve our health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach our full potential.
That only starts when we end our relationship with alcohol, and begin to build other healthy structures in our life.
As for your hubby, perhaps it might be useful if you both net with a professional counselor, and negotiated what you each need to do to begin you own personal recoveries and what you are willing to do to support each others recovery. if he loves you, I'm sure he would be open to such endeavors.
Cheers,
Bill
I know from my own experience, my ex-wife was not very helpful in terms of my recovery. If I was the least bit ornery, she would tell me I needed to call my sponsor or attend a meeting. It drove me nuts!! She was very quick to take my inventory, but not at all interested in taking her own. After all, i was the one with the problem, why should she change.
The truth was she was as sick as I was, from long and protracted exposure to...ME!!
It was only when I listened to some advise I got around the table at AA, that I realized I was only abstinent, not sober. That is, I was fighting alcohol every day, white-knucking my way thru - and my only motivation for doing so were back problems. You know, I had to get my wife off my back, my boss, my family, my creditors...everyone and anyone but...ME!!
When that changed in my head, all sorts of things fell into place. You notice I referred to her as my EX. That happened four years later when it became clear that the best thing I could do for her was grant her pals for a divorce, and let her move on so she could get better. It was amiable, and she and i still respect each other and do things as a family with our kids. Buy I stopped making it about my back problems and me - I made it about beginning to recover from alcoholism, not avoiding alcohol or fighting it.
Alcoholism is pathological nature - isolates you, imprisons you, and then ultimately brings about your demise (physically, mentally, and spiritually). Recovery is a process of change through which we improve our health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach our full potential.
That only starts when we end our relationship with alcohol, and begin to build other healthy structures in our life.
As for your hubby, perhaps it might be useful if you both net with a professional counselor, and negotiated what you each need to do to begin you own personal recoveries and what you are willing to do to support each others recovery. if he loves you, I'm sure he would be open to such endeavors.
Cheers,
Bill
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by jkb 
A friend of mine once said "I fell off my pink cloud with a thud"... Stick with it NO MATTER WHAT....
)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 93
33 days is huge! Great job. I am on day 1 and I hope I can make it as long as you have!! I also dont have any support at home. My boyfriend drinks to but not like i did. He could stop at one or 2....I never did. When I told him this morning this was my going to be my day 1 sober he said yea right ok whatever. (in his defense I have had 4 day 1's this month lol) but still no one knows are struggle like we do. We are not normal drinkers. Please dont drink at your get together. You will regret it so badly. You have come so far. Could you still go and be around it and not tempted? If so then go and make up an excuse...maybe that you are the DD or you are just getting over the flu & your stomach hurts. A little white lie won't hurt in this case.
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