Sharing with Co-Workers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 10
Sharing with Co-Workers
As mentioned, I'm a writer. I have a few clients that I write or edit copy for.
As I'm moving forward in my sobriety, I'm noticing just how many signs I've missed about my work slipping. Luckily, no one has said anything to me...yet.
I think I can truthfully say I lost a 9-5 job because of it, though.
But that's neither here nor there because it's in the past.
What I'm thinking about tonight is whether I need to mention something to my co-workers. Basically, I desire to apologize to them. They've obviously noticed a slip in my work (or maybe they haven't. I work from home, so it's a bit of a vacuum.)
All of this outpouring that I've done in the last few days has led me to the path where I'm now desiring to send apologetic emails to my bosses. Is this a bad idea? No one has mentioned anything to me yet and I don't want to jeopardize my work. Truthfully, I want to get better each day to the point where I'm not messing up and they have no qualms with the way I act. I want them to not really notice the change. I want them to just see the work steadily improve and be pleased instead of upset when they see me messing up or inconveniencing them.
Office work (especially marketing and copywriting) is incredibly stressful. I really feel like my problem began to get out of hand when I began to lose control of my ability to handle the stress in the environment. I was lucky and managed to slip out of one job with a really great side gig. This side gig is paying me to live right now. If I tell them I'm sorry that I've been messing up, they'll be on higher alert for more screw ups.
I saw this happen to my boss. She kept apologizing for messing up but she couldn't work herself out of her bad situation until she got to the point where she was too fed up and couldn't do it anymore. She quit. I don't know if she's any happier than she was before she left. I suspect she's not. She recently reached out to me to endorse her on LinkedIn and I wondered if she was in a better spot or not. I haven't written back. I wonder if I should reach out to her. Perhaps now we could help each other after I've run off my own rails.
Just wondering out loud into the ether. Thanks if you can help.
As I'm moving forward in my sobriety, I'm noticing just how many signs I've missed about my work slipping. Luckily, no one has said anything to me...yet.
I think I can truthfully say I lost a 9-5 job because of it, though.
But that's neither here nor there because it's in the past.
What I'm thinking about tonight is whether I need to mention something to my co-workers. Basically, I desire to apologize to them. They've obviously noticed a slip in my work (or maybe they haven't. I work from home, so it's a bit of a vacuum.)
All of this outpouring that I've done in the last few days has led me to the path where I'm now desiring to send apologetic emails to my bosses. Is this a bad idea? No one has mentioned anything to me yet and I don't want to jeopardize my work. Truthfully, I want to get better each day to the point where I'm not messing up and they have no qualms with the way I act. I want them to not really notice the change. I want them to just see the work steadily improve and be pleased instead of upset when they see me messing up or inconveniencing them.
Office work (especially marketing and copywriting) is incredibly stressful. I really feel like my problem began to get out of hand when I began to lose control of my ability to handle the stress in the environment. I was lucky and managed to slip out of one job with a really great side gig. This side gig is paying me to live right now. If I tell them I'm sorry that I've been messing up, they'll be on higher alert for more screw ups.
I saw this happen to my boss. She kept apologizing for messing up but she couldn't work herself out of her bad situation until she got to the point where she was too fed up and couldn't do it anymore. She quit. I don't know if she's any happier than she was before she left. I suspect she's not. She recently reached out to me to endorse her on LinkedIn and I wondered if she was in a better spot or not. I haven't written back. I wonder if I should reach out to her. Perhaps now we could help each other after I've run off my own rails.
Just wondering out loud into the ether. Thanks if you can help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
I'd give it a few days or even a week and see how you feel. I don't have a job with any real satisfaction - even though it has potential - it's a job I have had for only 6 months and while I became sober 3 months into it, I haven't pissed anyone off (that I know of) while I was drinking.
I wish I had more desire to like this job and want to move forward, but the reality is that not drinking has strengthend my desire to move on although not financially possible to quit I may be fired anyways even though every day I wish I could just walk off.
It sounds kind of strange, but I wish I cared or respected my co-workers and managers enough to offer an "I'm sorry if..." note. I was recruited for this job and it's dissapointing me probably as much as I'm dissapointing my boss who sought me out. He's made it clear that he is not happy where he is either and we are both probably on borrowed time with this company.
I hope you find peace in what ever you decide.
I wish I had more desire to like this job and want to move forward, but the reality is that not drinking has strengthend my desire to move on although not financially possible to quit I may be fired anyways even though every day I wish I could just walk off.
It sounds kind of strange, but I wish I cared or respected my co-workers and managers enough to offer an "I'm sorry if..." note. I was recruited for this job and it's dissapointing me probably as much as I'm dissapointing my boss who sought me out. He's made it clear that he is not happy where he is either and we are both probably on borrowed time with this company.
I hope you find peace in what ever you decide.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
In my honest opinion, if no has said anything leave it alone. I'm only saying this because it is work. I keep my work away from my private life. If I was still working I wouldn't be sharing that I was an alcoholic. I would simply apologize for my screwups and explain I was going thru some personal issues.
If you think you need to make amends then you can show that by improving your job performance and asking for help when you need it. Or offering to help others.
Don't send any emails as I think this can just bite you on the butt later as you've given it to them in writing and now they have amno if they need it later.
If you think you need to make amends then you can show that by improving your job performance and asking for help when you need it. Or offering to help others.
Don't send any emails as I think this can just bite you on the butt later as you've given it to them in writing and now they have amno if they need it later.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
I advise you to think carefully about revealing too much to workmates - once it's out there you can't take it back.
If you're not ready for that, think some more.
Do they really need to know or do you maybe just want to feel better?
The motivations for both are quite different.
The best apology you could give would be to do a good job and stop the slips
D
If you're not ready for that, think some more.
Do they really need to know or do you maybe just want to feel better?
The motivations for both are quite different.
The best apology you could give would be to do a good job and stop the slips
D
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I advise you to think carefully about revealing too much to workmates - once it's out there you can't take it back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Don't offer anything. I recently was called out on something I messed up on and I was sober, but my first thought was "uh oh, was I out of my mind?" Relax... I was in my right mind and I messed up, we all make mistakes, I might have been having an off morning, misunderstood my colleague, it was a couple of weeks ago, so no big deal. I fixed it, said "oops, sorry about that" and all is well.
Let it be for now, you may be okay, but let a sleeping dog lay, you know?
Let it be for now, you may be okay, but let a sleeping dog lay, you know?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,632
Dee asks a good question about what is driving the motivation.
Building off that, writing a letter but not sending it might be a good way to get your thoughts out - it would have the double impact of capturing both your resolve to stay sober & to remember the place where alcohol takes you as motivation in keeping you sober in the future. Ultimately staying sober is the best gift you can give yourself, your coworkers, and your boss.
As a boss of a creative group myself - being on the receiving end of an apology would introduce more questions & heighten my anxiety, even though it's well intentioned. An email is also company business, which also means that I have to confront it explicitly not as a person, but as a representative of the company.
Instead, if a team member 'rights' themselves before I have to step in, I can focus on encouraging their positive trajectory and I don't have to address it within the context of official company business.
Keep at it! You're making great progress!
Building off that, writing a letter but not sending it might be a good way to get your thoughts out - it would have the double impact of capturing both your resolve to stay sober & to remember the place where alcohol takes you as motivation in keeping you sober in the future. Ultimately staying sober is the best gift you can give yourself, your coworkers, and your boss.
As a boss of a creative group myself - being on the receiving end of an apology would introduce more questions & heighten my anxiety, even though it's well intentioned. An email is also company business, which also means that I have to confront it explicitly not as a person, but as a representative of the company.
Instead, if a team member 'rights' themselves before I have to step in, I can focus on encouraging their positive trajectory and I don't have to address it within the context of official company business.
Keep at it! You're making great progress!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I think that those of us in creative fields often lean towards overthinking when it comes to almost anything. It's a sensitivity thing - I'm very easily "moved" by speeches, poetry, words, and art. So naturally when I was first getting sober, I also felt the need to share meaningful little moments with old friends or co-workers, and I thought that "bearing my soul" to others would take a weight off my chest.
When I left treatment I felt like a new man - I'd had an epiphany! Must tell the world!!!!! So of course I made sure to write down on my first job application that I was "free from alcohol and dedicated to a healthy lifestyle", and then on a phone interview with another company I told them I took a break from work to "work on bonding with the sober community" etc, etc. Then I wrote a huge apology e-mail filled with emotion to an ex-girlfriend, telling her how sorry I was about everything.
Can you guess how that worked out? In those instances, sharing wasn't necessary or essential to the task I was trying to complete. I did it anyway and if I could do it over, I wouldn't have.
Not the best of ideas, in retrospect. I am 8 months into it and probably won't share my addiction information again unless I'm asked about it, or if the situation feels too right to ignore. Especially when it comes to employment/work stuff. My natural tendancy to be open about all my information is something I have to work on. Here I can do that no problem, but "out there" is another story. As Dee said, not everyone has the same perceptions we do - you can't take this information back, either. I don't know how long you've been sober but get some time under your belt before telling people - if you tell them at all. Do they need to know? Do they need to know NOW? Think about those things before opening up with this info.
Good luck!
When I left treatment I felt like a new man - I'd had an epiphany! Must tell the world!!!!! So of course I made sure to write down on my first job application that I was "free from alcohol and dedicated to a healthy lifestyle", and then on a phone interview with another company I told them I took a break from work to "work on bonding with the sober community" etc, etc. Then I wrote a huge apology e-mail filled with emotion to an ex-girlfriend, telling her how sorry I was about everything.
Can you guess how that worked out? In those instances, sharing wasn't necessary or essential to the task I was trying to complete. I did it anyway and if I could do it over, I wouldn't have.
Not the best of ideas, in retrospect. I am 8 months into it and probably won't share my addiction information again unless I'm asked about it, or if the situation feels too right to ignore. Especially when it comes to employment/work stuff. My natural tendancy to be open about all my information is something I have to work on. Here I can do that no problem, but "out there" is another story. As Dee said, not everyone has the same perceptions we do - you can't take this information back, either. I don't know how long you've been sober but get some time under your belt before telling people - if you tell them at all. Do they need to know? Do they need to know NOW? Think about those things before opening up with this info.
Good luck!
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