Possible to quit cocaine cold-turkey?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
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Possible to quit cocaine cold-turkey?
I'm new here, not sure if I even belong. I wish I could say my 'boyfriend' but I don't think I can even call him that... I'm just someone who happens to love a person w/an addiction, which is why I feel out of place, because we weren't in a 'committed' relationship, so I feel I have no right to post. We've been 'involved' for the last 16 mths, he's well aware that I love him & up until 4 days ago when I got a short, uncharacteristically cruel text from him breaking it off w/me, I believed him when he said he loved me.
Since we've been involved, he only ever used cocaine on the weekends & is a functioning addict - holds down a job (basically a workaholic), has a house, strict exercise regimen - but his behavior has gotten SO erratic and irrational over the last 3 mths that I don't know how often he's using now. From what I understand, he's used cocaine recreationally for many yrs & his whole family has had issues with drugs/alcohol. Understandably, his use worsened when both of his parents passed away within 2 mths of each other 2 yrs ago around the holidays & his birthday - he just hasn't been able to recover. And now that he's cut me out of his life in such an unexpectedly abrupt way, there's nothing I can do to help him & I'm so afraid he's going to continue on this self-destructive path until something terrible happens.
I guess my main question is, is it possible for him to quit cold turkey if & when he hits rock bottom & decides to change his life?? I don't know that he would ever go to rehab or counseling & everything I see says that's almost essential for a successful recovery. I fear that perhaps it's useless to even hope he has a chance of overcoming this. Plus, he hangs out with friends who are also users in a local bar that is known for that type of activity & already got a DUI driving home from that bar about a year & a half ago.
I'm sorry for rambling on, but it feels good to get it out and I take comfort from other posts I've seen because I don't feel so alone now in loving someone with an addiction, even though that person apparently wants nothing to do with me anymore, and I just don't understand why...
Since we've been involved, he only ever used cocaine on the weekends & is a functioning addict - holds down a job (basically a workaholic), has a house, strict exercise regimen - but his behavior has gotten SO erratic and irrational over the last 3 mths that I don't know how often he's using now. From what I understand, he's used cocaine recreationally for many yrs & his whole family has had issues with drugs/alcohol. Understandably, his use worsened when both of his parents passed away within 2 mths of each other 2 yrs ago around the holidays & his birthday - he just hasn't been able to recover. And now that he's cut me out of his life in such an unexpectedly abrupt way, there's nothing I can do to help him & I'm so afraid he's going to continue on this self-destructive path until something terrible happens.
I guess my main question is, is it possible for him to quit cold turkey if & when he hits rock bottom & decides to change his life?? I don't know that he would ever go to rehab or counseling & everything I see says that's almost essential for a successful recovery. I fear that perhaps it's useless to even hope he has a chance of overcoming this. Plus, he hangs out with friends who are also users in a local bar that is known for that type of activity & already got a DUI driving home from that bar about a year & a half ago.
I'm sorry for rambling on, but it feels good to get it out and I take comfort from other posts I've seen because I don't feel so alone now in loving someone with an addiction, even though that person apparently wants nothing to do with me anymore, and I just don't understand why...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Hi Everhopeful 
My drug was alcohol, but there's a lot of people here who quit cocaine and other drugs and have gone on to lead happy sober lives. Some used recovery programmes, some used counseling, some went to rehab, and some just stopped.
Noone has a crystal ball for individual cases tho. Some choose the drug over everything else.
I recommend you check out our Family and Friends forums - there's a lot of support down there too
D
My drug was alcohol, but there's a lot of people here who quit cocaine and other drugs and have gone on to lead happy sober lives. Some used recovery programmes, some used counseling, some went to rehab, and some just stopped.
Noone has a crystal ball for individual cases tho. Some choose the drug over everything else.
I recommend you check out our Family and Friends forums - there's a lot of support down there too
D
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: manitoba
Posts: 15
i have been the exact same way, i would use on the weekends then it started to be once or twice during weekdays and then everyday. i came off of a 3 day binge and realized i needed help once i saw what it was doing to my friends and family. im 12 days sober now and your friend can do the same. people say you have to hit rock bottom but truth is thats not always the case. i would confront him and be supportive no matter what! good luck
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
My drug of choice was cocaine. I was in no way a functioning addict. I pretty much just lived for the drug. I overdosed on a load of different prescription meds intentionally one night. I also took a crapload of melatonin. I spent the next two weeks withdrawing. The withdrawal to cocaine doesn't have any major physical symptoms but the psychological symptoms were horrible. It took about two weeks before I stopped thinking about it every minute of every day. And gradually it all got better. That wasn't the last time I ever used cocaine. I used again but I managed to stay off it, and get addicted to everything else in the process.
It is possible to withdraw without rehab. I wouldn't advise it though, from my own personal experience. I also wouldn't advise taking any type of medication to ease off it. Rehab helped me out just by putting me in a safe environment where I could figure stuff out and get to grips with who I was. I hope it all goes well for you.
Natom.
It is possible to withdraw without rehab. I wouldn't advise it though, from my own personal experience. I also wouldn't advise taking any type of medication to ease off it. Rehab helped me out just by putting me in a safe environment where I could figure stuff out and get to grips with who I was. I hope it all goes well for you.
Natom.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Thank you, nickg, and congratulations on 12 days sober - that's wonderful!!
Unfortunately, the problem is that I think I was the only one in his life who doesn't use and loves him unconditionally... His two surviving brothers are both addicts, as well as all of his 'friends,' who he says are his 'REAL' family. And they all hang out in the same dive bar and use together.
And we've never spoken about his cocaine use, so I don't think I can confront him about it, especially now that he's cut me off and told me he's seeing someone else (if it's true, I suspect it's an old ex of his who actually works in that bar, so she obviously knows about his past use and that he continues to use). We communicated in the beginning and had some great heart to hearts, but in the last 6 months, he has just closed himself off from me more and more to the point where he would hardly talk to me at all, and if I broached a subject he didn't want to talk about, he would get extremely agitated and start yelling "I'm not going to talk about this with you, I'm not going to talk about this again, etc."
It hasn't even been a week since he broke it off, and I'm hoping that by some miracle, I will hear from him again in the near future so I get the opportunity to let him know that I know he has a problem and that I love him and am here for him. If not, I may text him anyway, but I wouldn't expect a nice response, or probably any response, since he won't even acknowledge that he has a problem. I guess it's easier to cut out the one person who actually cares and wants to help than the many others who are all on the same sinking ship with him...
Unfortunately, the problem is that I think I was the only one in his life who doesn't use and loves him unconditionally... His two surviving brothers are both addicts, as well as all of his 'friends,' who he says are his 'REAL' family. And they all hang out in the same dive bar and use together.
And we've never spoken about his cocaine use, so I don't think I can confront him about it, especially now that he's cut me off and told me he's seeing someone else (if it's true, I suspect it's an old ex of his who actually works in that bar, so she obviously knows about his past use and that he continues to use). We communicated in the beginning and had some great heart to hearts, but in the last 6 months, he has just closed himself off from me more and more to the point where he would hardly talk to me at all, and if I broached a subject he didn't want to talk about, he would get extremely agitated and start yelling "I'm not going to talk about this with you, I'm not going to talk about this again, etc."
It hasn't even been a week since he broke it off, and I'm hoping that by some miracle, I will hear from him again in the near future so I get the opportunity to let him know that I know he has a problem and that I love him and am here for him. If not, I may text him anyway, but I wouldn't expect a nice response, or probably any response, since he won't even acknowledge that he has a problem. I guess it's easier to cut out the one person who actually cares and wants to help than the many others who are all on the same sinking ship with him...
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Thank you, natom, and so glad to hear you were able to stay off it.
I know he would be better off going to rehab, but I know he won't....number one because he'd be out of work and the only thing as important to him as cocaine is working. Plus he has no one to help pay his bills, which he's already behind on, probably because too much of his money is going to support his cocaine habit. And the other reason I don't think he'd go is because he'd have to face what it is that's making him self-medicate (other than the fact that he's just plain addicted and comes from a family of addicts). He grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family and has a lot of emotional trauma to run away from.
So that's why I feel his only hope is to go cold-turkey, but of course, he'd have to admit he has a problem first, and he won't even do that. He told me when we first started seeing each other that "I work hard all week and I only get messed up on the weekend and come Monday, I'm fine and ready to get back to work." But he also told me that he only drinks on the weekend, too, because he's not as clear-headed at work when he drinks during the week, and I've seen him drinking all different nights of the week since then, so if he's sliding on the alcohol, there's a good chance he's sliding on the drugs, too. And just the fact that his behavior/attitude has seemed to get so irrational and stand-offish the last few months - telling me he just wants to be alone, asking me to leave his house in the middle of the night and telling me not to take it personally, that he couldn't even explain it if he wanted to, telling me he still loves me and wants to see me but then sending me a text out of the blue saying he's seeing someone else - everyone tells me it's the cocaine and that's what happens when you do it more and more.
I am just heartbroken and feel absolutely helpless.
I know he would be better off going to rehab, but I know he won't....number one because he'd be out of work and the only thing as important to him as cocaine is working. Plus he has no one to help pay his bills, which he's already behind on, probably because too much of his money is going to support his cocaine habit. And the other reason I don't think he'd go is because he'd have to face what it is that's making him self-medicate (other than the fact that he's just plain addicted and comes from a family of addicts). He grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family and has a lot of emotional trauma to run away from.
So that's why I feel his only hope is to go cold-turkey, but of course, he'd have to admit he has a problem first, and he won't even do that. He told me when we first started seeing each other that "I work hard all week and I only get messed up on the weekend and come Monday, I'm fine and ready to get back to work." But he also told me that he only drinks on the weekend, too, because he's not as clear-headed at work when he drinks during the week, and I've seen him drinking all different nights of the week since then, so if he's sliding on the alcohol, there's a good chance he's sliding on the drugs, too. And just the fact that his behavior/attitude has seemed to get so irrational and stand-offish the last few months - telling me he just wants to be alone, asking me to leave his house in the middle of the night and telling me not to take it personally, that he couldn't even explain it if he wanted to, telling me he still loves me and wants to see me but then sending me a text out of the blue saying he's seeing someone else - everyone tells me it's the cocaine and that's what happens when you do it more and more.
I am just heartbroken and feel absolutely helpless.
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Originally Posted by EverHopeful721 
I am just heartbroken and feel absolutely helpless.
The only thing you can do is work on you.
I see you've posted to the friends and family forum. Reads the posts there of loved ones who stayed with their cocaine addicted spouse or boyfriend. A lot of them are heartbroken because they've stayed and watched the addiction destroy their life and their own.
He's tell you to go...take him at his word and be thankful that you aren't so enmeshed that you can't leave him.
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Thank you, doggonecarl. It seems I can't read anybody's reply post without bursting into tears today. And I know it's because you are all speaking from experience and that you are right. I have been considering going to a therapist to help me through this. Because that's the thing, I don't know that I can just let him go....I know I should, he's made it clear he doesn't want me or my help, but I can't just turn my feelings off. When I love, I love too hard and too much and it's hard for me to break that connection with people. But I'm hopeful that with the right help, including the wonderfully supportive people I've met on SR already, that I will someday soon be able to let him go and move on, hopefully finding a person that actually wants all of the love I have to give and loves me back just as much in return.
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Thank you, trikuza, and good luck!!
That's the thing that worries me - I understand that he's been using cocaine 'recreationally' for most of his adult life, probably off and on for 25 years. Even if he stopped for a while, he's always come back to it. That's why I don't know if he'd ever be able to quit cold-turkey, because he has such a history with it and it obviously has a hold on him. I don't know that he'd ever be able to successfully stop unless he was willing to address the issues as to why he self-medicates, and unfortunately, those reasons go way back to his childhood, not to mention his genetics, and come all the way up to the present. He has not had an easy life and comes from a dysfunctional family of alcoholics/drug addicts. But again, thank you and stick with it!!
That's the thing that worries me - I understand that he's been using cocaine 'recreationally' for most of his adult life, probably off and on for 25 years. Even if he stopped for a while, he's always come back to it. That's why I don't know if he'd ever be able to quit cold-turkey, because he has such a history with it and it obviously has a hold on him. I don't know that he'd ever be able to successfully stop unless he was willing to address the issues as to why he self-medicates, and unfortunately, those reasons go way back to his childhood, not to mention his genetics, and come all the way up to the present. He has not had an easy life and comes from a dysfunctional family of alcoholics/drug addicts. But again, thank you and stick with it!!
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Thank you, sugarbear. You're right - it's all he ever knew and it is comfortable for him and he's not interested in changing his life. I'm trying to focus on myself, perhaps seeing a therapist to find out why I feel it's okay to let myself be treated like this and not feel that I deserve better.
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