Prion

1- how to tell my spouse in going there without him/her asking me why I need it ( think everything is going well)

2- Don't want to go there and be judged because I don't drink as much and as often as others but I have major anxiety the day after/ do stupid think when I drink/ try to not drink and have not been sucessfull more than a week. Maybe they will say that I am not a real alcoholic and therefore I have no business there.

3- I am scared to be seen by co-workers or friends in the area.

4- I am scared someone from the meeting will see me in the area and start talking to me when I am with family/friends and I will have to explain everything .

5- I have two friends in AA and they have come to deal with it and they told everyone about it. I am so scared, I don't trust anyone and I have not told anyone about how I feel, not the dr., not the psy, not my friends or spouse. This site is pretty much all I have.

I feel so stuck in this circle...

britabroad

Prion, I am going to my first AA meeting tomorrow and am nervous too, for many of the same reasons you give. I don't have any advice for you but just wanted you to know you're not alone in what you are going through. ((Hugs))

I'm going for it, though, no matter how nervous I am. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Sazzle

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. The 3rd tradition.

There are people at my home group with much worse stories, scars and bottoms than I have but I remind myself of the above tradition each day. When I hear a story, when someone shares or chairs a group I am only a 'yet' away from where they got to.

My friend tells everyone who will listen, how she's recovering and how much she loves it. I tell noone. I've only ever bumped into one or two people from AA and we have just walked past each other. Most members respect the 'anonymous' bit of AA.

I try not to worry or think ahead these days as 'worry is a misuse of imagination'. Things we worry about rarely happen.

You will be absolutely fine. You will meet all sorts of people with all kinds of drinking patterns. We all have one common enemy though.

Sending you heaps of good luck vibes. You won't regret it!

S x

2granddaughters

We are all scared stiff to go to our first meeting. You will soon see that there is nothing to fear and the meetings will feel like home.

Get another newcomer to come with you. it's so much easier in the beginning to go with a buddy

I'm in Ontario, near Windsor. What part of our great Country are you in?

All the best.

Bob R

labeledbass

Sounds like you've picked your location, I know some towns are limited to how many meetings they have, I'm from Atlanta but live in a smaller town now but still have at least 5 locations that are AA specific. On the flip side, it does take some networking and research but if your in a large enough area some groups are exclusive, and unless someone is honestly trying to find you, no one will know you are working on recovery, in that aspect.

Just jump in - the waters not as deep as you may think

sobersonja

I just want to let you know the things you are worrying about will most likely not happen. I've been going to AA off and on for 30 years. I also had high anxiety about what to expect when I went at first.But I came to find out the worries I had never happened. When I saw people in our small town who I seen at AA,we always just walked by each other. What I've came to realize is alot of the people that come have the same fears as you do. I was so uncomfortable in social situations where I don't know the people.But others there feel the same way as I. I hope I helped alittle. And you do not have to share if you don't want to. Just say your here to listen today.They really are there to help.

DisplacedGRITS

1- just tell your spouse that you're going because you think it's good for you. you don't have to get deep into it. you've heard that people in AA have a much better chance of longterm recovery over people who don't participate (note that i said participate and not just attend) in AA.

2- no one there is going to judge you. if you honestly want to quit drinking, then go. that's the only requirement. we don't require that you lose your job, your house, your money, your family and that you ran over your dog. there aren't better or worse alcoholics. there are just alcoholics.

3- it's Alcoholics Anonymous. if you see someone you know then know that you see them and they see you and you share something special with them. you share the gift of recovery and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. someone in here once told me that they attended a meeting and there was an off duty cop in full uniform attending the meeting. talk about bravery.

4- i've come across people from AA outside of the doors of AA. some people just smile at me and others have gone so far as to casually ask me how i'm doing like we're acquaintances. AAers aren't going to come up to you on the street and blurt out "hey! what did you think about that speaker at the meeting Monday night? heck of a story but his drunkalougue sure was long!" we respect each other's anonymity. remember, it's Alcoholics ANONYMOUS! btw, when i saw the people outside of AA and they spoke to me, i was on my own and i was really happy to see them.

5- you don't need to tell the world about what's going on but if you respect your spouse, you need to open up and let him/her know what the deal is. especially now that you're taking action. if you're going to go to AA and do it right, your spouse needs to know about this right now because AA is going to become a big part of your life. remember, "half measures availed us nothing." not half measures availed us half results. half measures availed us nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch. but if you get into it and let yourself go...wow...you get back what you put in. now, i have no idea why you haven't told your doctor or psych. aren't you paying these people to help you with your problems? so why are you hiding your problems from them? this makes no sense on so many levels, including an economic one. tell them what's up and get it over with so you can get the help you're paying for and the help you deserve.

whatever you do, get your butt to that meeting. sit down, listen well and look for the similarities you have with the people in that room, not the differences. ask for a first step meeting. don't be afraid. it's the very best way to have your first meeting and it's kinda nice because they'll break you off with a smaller group to talk to you. seriously, ask for a first step meeting if they offer it. make sure that you raise your hand when they ask if the is someone's first AA meeting. don't rush out at the end of the meeting. shake hands (lots of people hug) and ask someone there about what you should do next. if the chair of the meeting is hanging around a bit, ask him/her. don't just slink out of the meeting as fast as you can. there's attending AA and there's participating in AA. you need to participate. trust me, i got sober by just attending AA but i lost that sobriety because i didn't work the steps and get a sponsor and deal with what was really going on in my head. i'm back in the saddle and doing it the right way this time. i'd like you to do it the right way the first time.

i hope i haven't intimidated you. the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is really amazing. it's like the boards here but with flesh and blood people and a few rules. there's something magical about one drunk talking to another. i love my meetings. i love what i hear from other people. lately, i'm finding that my God keeps plunking me down where i need to be when i need to be there. so find a meeting, make the decision and commitment and go to it. be scared. that's fine. we all were. heck, i'd been to AA and i was scared to get back into the program. i was scared and ashamed. that lasted for about 10 minutes into the meeting. then, people started talking and i knew i was home again. you see, Alcoholics Anonymous is my home. it's the only place in the world instead of my house where i feel at peace and comfortable and welcomed and loved. and i'm nothing special. i'm still a newbie. enjoy your first meeting. you sound like a lot of other people right before their first one. you'll fit in just fine.

Sazzle

Nicely said DG!

Prion

Hi dee,


I spoke with my spouse and he agreed that he would no be a bad idea.

He did not judge me an he listened to me.

He wants the best for me.

I will go to the meeting tomorrow morning and post my feedback on here.

Thanks,

Prion

nienne

Good luck with the meeting! I have yet to attend a meeting so I will check back to see your feedback. I have had some of the same concerns as you.

Taking5

Here is a great link on what to expect at your first meeting:

Your First AA Meeting

Maples

Going to AA was the best thing I have ever done. I just got back from a step meeting at my sponsors house. I admire the 7 men sitting in that basement room more than anyone I have ever met in my life. I feel so lucky to have found them and to share in their recovery. If I had not worked up the guts to go right into that first meeting broken, humbled, and all out asking for help I would not feel the way I do right now. They welcomed me, no questions or judgements.

You will find some really great people in AA.

DisplacedGRITS

hey nienne! i've been to my first meeting. heck, i've been to a couple of first meetings to be honest. i had my first meeting in several months after a relapse just a few days ago. look, it's scary but no one in there is going to judge you or bite you. you don't have to share if you don't want to. just go ahead and go and you'll find that by the end of the meeting, your fears will be dispelled. the longer you put off that meeting, the more time you have to build up fear.

btw, about seeing someone you know at a meeting...well, that happened to me tonight. i saw my petsitter. actually, she saw me and she came over and was so happy to see me. to be honest, i was happy to see her too! it was so great to see a familiar face. and it doesn't change the way i feel about her. i still trust her with my animals. look, technically, i'm her employer! it makes me happy to see someone i know participating in AA. she introduced me to her sponsor's sponsor and they both invited me to a meeting and brunch on Sunday. so about that fear of seeing someone you know in a meeting? it's not necessarily a bad thing. it's how you approach the situation. i am proud to be a part of Alcoholics Anonymous. it means that i'm working on my alcoholism instead of hiding it and ignoring it. being a member of AA is a good thing.

so go to your first meeting and the next night go to your second one. talk to people, get a sponsor and work the steps. but make the decision, not the intention, to go to that first meeting. remember, a decision is followed by action. an intention is followed by more intentions.

YouRmySunshine

I cant say it any better than DG!
Everyone has those same feelings when we are starting to make changes from our alcoholic ways, and trying to find our way in the world while being sober.
I hope you go! You will truly be put to ease right away. & all you have to do is admit you have a problem. Sit back listen until you are comfortable sharing.
Blessings & Strength.

Percussion

I am just now researching an AA meeting to go to for myself, I am sick and tired of doing this myself. It is hard to have a spouse who does not have the same problem so they brush it off as something small. Anyway, lots of encouragement here to go to a first meeting, hopefully when I find one I muster up the courage to go!

DisplacedGRITS

don't hope for courage, Percussion. you're never fully ready for your first meeting. i'd recommend finding one you can make and just going before you have too much time to psych yourself out. we're really not scary people. we like newcomers. we enjoy seeing someone come to their first meeting. nothing makes me happier than seeing someone come to their first meeting. well, maybe seeing that same person back the next night! that makes me REALLY happy! come on in, grab some coffee if you like and sit back.

DisplacedGRITS

btw, if you're really REALLY nervous about your first meeting, i recommend finding a speaker meeting and going to that. that way, you don't have to worry about being called on to talk about a topic. it's a really great way to get introduced to AA. also, if the chairperson asks if you want a first step meeting and you think that you are powerless against alcohol - that your life has become unmanageable, say yes. first step meetings are awesome! i go to first step meetings because they keep me grounded and remind me of where i came from. remember, we're here for you and you're here for us. by letting us help you, you are helping us. it's a big circle in AA.

YouRmySunshine

Hope you do. You will be surprised how nice it is to hear some of the others stories & just get to sit back & think Holy Shet thats my story! Wow other people do that crazy stuff too.
Once we realize we are just born this way & wired different than others when it comes to our powerless over alcohol its easier to learn how to live a sober life!
Blessings!