ARarity

hug you can do this

vegibean

Midlife, I feel for you, but right from the beginning of this post I just thought "set up to fail". You should have called your husband to turn around and come get the bottle, if at the least, left you with only the dose you were prescribed.

Being left alone with that bottle is just too much temptation. If you leave it there, you obviously want it, we can't stop you and you know it.

If you really want to make it go away, get it away from you.

I hope I don't sound snarky, I don't mean to, but it's sitting there, and it's you and the bottle, all alone, what are the chances?

Midlifecrisis

I did have more than I was supposed to. I told him and he took it and wouldn't give me anymore for bedtime so I couldn't sleep all night. That will teach me. It's scared me and made me realise how I really have crossed over into physical dependence not just psychological even after a short time.

Midlifecrisis

Ftr, he couldn't have come back, he was in a screaming hurry as someone had his work car booked for
Something.

Regardless, I need to get off this shite but I'm so scared of those suicidal and psycho episodes and my Ed coming back

YouRmySunshine

A medical detox is not necessarily a long term commitment. Mine was only 7 days. Dont have a real understanding of why a treatment center would not take you until your levels were under control. If it were that easy none of us would be addicts, we could just control our levels to our liking.

I will pray for you & hope you can pursue a good recovery plan. It sounds like you are already scared to keep living the addict life, its not any scarier than wanting to live a sober life.

Its the acting on it that is not easy but well worth it!
Peace

Midlifecrisis

It's mainly benzos they need you tk be under a certain level because they dont have the medixal stagf and because they are so dangerous to come off that some detoxes won't take. I can go to one at a hospital but is rather to to the Salvation Army one. I've been before for other drugs and find they suit me. I did a long term rehab before but I was young and child and husband less then.

I know coming off benzos is a long term detox but a week or two of recovery and focus would do me the world of good.

bemyself

MLF:

Dear fellow SR comrade: I, and so many others, have come up with multiple reasons not to go into a residential rehab, whether for a week (like a did last week), two weeks, 4 weeks......

I live alone, adult children long gone, just my dog for company. I still waffled around in recent weeks thinking of all manner of reasons / excuses why I couldn't POSSIBLY go away to (my former) rehab / hospital just for a WEEK.

I also know heaps of women like yourself, with husbands and children. One comes to mind: she has FIVE kids, all under about 12, including two sets of twins. She's a single parent FFS. She did a month rehab some years ago, single parent and kids and all. She's only one example.

Please don't think I'm being harsh: but enough already, sweetie.

You DO need to go away for a decent rehab treatment. You have multiple addictions and serious mental health problems.

Make it happen, for you and your family's sake. For you, first up!!!!!!

Midlifecrisis

As I said, I can do two weeks tops. I get frustrated when people tell me there's only
Certain ways to do things (like I must drive 2.5 hours to my nearest NA meeting etc.).

I also have five children under 12. I run a business, a council pool which I can't just close and i just lost the staff member i had because we had to close due to the floods. Closest long term rehab is 4 hours away. My youngest is 2 and has just had multiple operations and we have hospital appointments all the time. My husband has to work, there's no question about that and so do i. He would already be taking two weeks off without pay to look after the kids if I went into detox because he used all his holidays with our daughters operations.

I want to get better. I need options. This is my real life, not a bunch of excuses. Long term rehab I've done before and it would do me the world of good. I can't do it again at this point in time.

Dee74

I think we all appreciate that MLC...but ask yourself - whats going to happen to you, your family and your job if you crack up anyway?

D

Midlifecrisis

How can I just leave my job for months? It's impossible.

Dee74

What would happen if you got glandular fever or ross river fever and couldn't work for months?

If the pools owned by the council, they'll keep it open.

D

Midlifecrisis

I honestly don't know what would happen. They woul have to close it was closed for months before i came along. i would also lose all my students. Regardless, who would look after my kids?

Dee74

I know you said family was out, but you seem to belong to a pretty good church....

We could do this for weeks...you asking, me replying, you telling me why my suggestions don't work....

It's your life MLC, and your call.

D

bigsombrero

A few questions for you:

You'd prefer to watch your life crumble instead? Think about where this addiction is going - where is it taking you? What's the end scenario?

As for your job - are you the main breadwinner? Will this job make or break your family's ability to pay bills? Is this job and career you have going so important that you'd risk your health and perhaps life for it? Would they fire you if you had cancer?

You will be a better person coming out of treatment, that I do know.

Midlifecrisis

Look. I'm not in denial at all that I have a problem or multiple problems. I'm just trying to explore some workable
Options.

Yes I earn more than my husband and there's noone who can just work for me. I run the business, it's up to me.

Of course I don't want my life to crumble. I've been ringing detox centers etc and getting cou selling.

Midlifecrisis

I just get the impression than unless I do certain things I'm doomed to fail

RocketQueen

My mum gave me some very good advice. You can take it or leave it, but for me, it has proven to be true multiple times

"If you want something badly enough, you will do what it takes to make it happen. You can't just wait around for things to fall into place".

I sense that you genuinely do want to get well, but perhaps not badly enough to make a few sacrifices. Recovery is all about making sacrifices. You need to look past the now and give up the whole "its all too hard" attitude and look forward into the future. Things may be crummy now, and even a couple of months down the track, but I promise you that the only way things are going to get worse are if you continue down the same path you are on now. You're at a crossroad. Which way do you go?

I'm rooting for you MLC. I know you will make the right decision. Not only for you, but for those 5 little angels who depend on you.

bigsombrero

That is not the impression I wanted to give you and I'm sorry that came across the wrong way. I think those of us that have been through treatment found it so helpful that we feel very strongly about it.

I never wanted to go to treatment. I had a great job, was in management, ran an entire division at a global company here at the north american headquarters. Worked there for 10 years. It was all I ever knew. I live alone and have no other form of support, no wife's income, etc. No kids though either. I kept looking for ways to avoid treatment because it sounded like hell. It's embarrassing, to be honest. You can't really just leave for a month without explaining it - you can't keep it secret.

In my experience, leaving my job for treatment was worth it. Even though today I'm officially still unemployed. I'm taking in some unemployment funds, never thought I would but heck I've paid into the program forever. And it exists to HELP people who need help. If we can't take the help that's offered to us, what's the point? I also pieced together ways to make some cash here and there, and for the most part I'm just scraping by.

Again - worth it. I would have DIED, you see. That's the reason I am so adamant about getting treatment if at all possible. Maybe you should make a list of pros and cons or something? For me, here was my list:

No Treatment - Pros:
Get to keep my job
Don't have to tell my friends
Save money
No drama

No Treatment - Cons:
Eventual job loss
Will continue being sick and feeling sick
Certain Death

The cons outweigh the pros in that list. I think it's worth ditching the job and everything to make it happen. See why? I know we are not all the same. Just my experience and my opinion.

RobbyRobot

Sorry you feel that way. It happens when we feel honestly torn between important choices which seem at odds with our responsibilities, speaking from my experiences.

Rehab is a choice best made for yourself, of course. Doing rehab for reasons other then self rarely work out well. No problem having other reasons, just without the initial critical personal responsibility to DO rehab for YOURSELF firmly in your heart and mind, it's unlikely to be of much benefit, imo.

There is a line in the sand when encouragement from others starts to become additional weight on our shoulders to come into agreement with what is being said.

Others are saying its your call, and I agree, even when it looks so obvious that rehab makes good sense from our point of view, YOUR point of view is the critically important and qualifying experience to judge what is right for YOU.

I don't know all the details, but its looking grim if nothing positive is done. I hope you can shake off the idea that you're doomed to fail. Nothing could be more an addictive lie then we are doomed to fail when we make real efforts to do the right thing and get on with our lives living clean 'n sober and free.

I hope this thread has helped make you strong today and everyday here after. YOU can do a rehab of course, no matter whatever circumstances prevail. Things can be arranged. You're not helpless. YOU can also NOT do a rehab, and still successfully clean up and achieve freedom too. There are ways to get whatever is best required done and underway for YOU.

I hope you're feeling better today.

Dave H

I agree with the post above, but remember this. Rehab works! Step one of the 12 steps is admitting we are powerless over our addiction by ourselves. If you are serious about getting well (sober and/or clean and staying that way) get into rehab and then start attending meetings.

Our addiction can and will ruin our lives and even take out lives. You owe it to yourself to get help.

God Bless!