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another week. I joined the class of February and have been checking in often... just haven't posted. Another week and something seems different. I feel like instead of "linking weeks" and trying to live wondering if and when I could drink again has changed. I made the decision several days ago that wasn't an option for me. There would be no again... I let go... and moving forward has done something to me. I feel different. I feel almost released. I have a peace I haven't felt in 6 or 7 months of this journey to sobriety. I no longer wonder if I'll drink at the beach, on the water, at receptions or special occasions. I don't drink. I drank, had the good times, enjoyed it quite often, but it was going the wrong direction. I became allergic to the effects of alcohol just as some develop an allergy to bees, shrimp, etc... They don't go through life wondering when they will have another shrimp? Alcohol is my puffer fish prepared by a school house cafeteria lady. It's a gamble that could take my life. I now drink vast amounts of tea and coffee. I am not nieve enough to think this will be forever. I will be tempted. Perhaps tomorrow. I'll glance at the seasonal beers at the grocery store. When Tennessee puts wine in the grocery store I'll see my favorite brands weekly. I'll consider sipping bourbon next to the campfire this summer. I'll have it offered... and I might fail. But I didn't fail today. I'm fairly certain I won't fail tomorrow... and I can't deny this peace I feel. This quest to sobriety has been long, yet brief in comparison to life. It will be a long road. But I cannot deny the numerous aspects of my life that have improved since "vastly cutting back" and I look forward to seeing what horizons lie in store by letting go entirely. Only in my foolish of foggy days would I deny sobriety in it's worst form could be worst than the cycle of drunkenness and withdrawal I embraced for so many years. I'm beginning to learn why so many with long term sobriety called it a gift. My wife loves me more. I spend hours with legos with my son. I feel healthy and chubby from all the candy I've been eating... and I want more... |
Originally Posted by Paddler
(Post 3845176)
I joined the class of February and have been checking in often... just haven't posted. Another week and something seems different. I feel like instead of "linking weeks" and trying to live wondering if and when I could drink again has changed. I made the decision several days ago that wasn't an option for me. There would be no again... I let go... and moving forward has done something to me. I feel different. I feel almost released. I have a peace I haven't felt in 6 or 7 months of this journey to sobriety. I no longer wonder if I'll drink at the beach, on the water, at receptions or special occasions. I don't drink. I drank, had the good times, enjoyed it quite often, but it was going the wrong direction. I became allergic to the effects of alcohol just as some develop an allergy to bees, shrimp, etc... They don't go through life wondering when they will have another shrimp? Alcohol is my puffer fish prepared by a school house cafeteria lady. It's a gamble that could take my life. I now drink vast amounts of tea and coffee. I am not nieve enough to think this will be forever. I will be tempted. Perhaps tomorrow. I'll glance at the seasonal beers at the grocery store. When Tennessee puts wine in the grocery store I'll see my favorite brands weekly. I'll consider sipping bourbon next to the campfire this summer. I'll have it offered... and I might fail. But I didn't fail today. I'm fairly certain I won't fail tomorrow... and I can't deny this peace I feel. This quest to sobriety has been long, yet brief in comparison to life. It will be a long road. But I cannot deny the numerous aspects of my life that have improved since "vastly cutting back" and I look forward to seeing what horizons lie in store by letting go entirely. Only in my foolish of foggy days would I deny sobriety in it's worst form could be worst than the cycle of drunkenness and withdrawal I embraced for so many years. I'm beginning to learn why so many with long term sobriety called it a gift. My wife loves me more. I spend hours with legos with my son. I feel healthy and chubby from all the candy I've been eating... and I want more... |
Originally Posted by Starbaby928
(Post 3845182)
Paddler... This is nothing short of awesome!!!! Thank you so much for sharing this feeling of serenity in such an honest way. You make me want to push through and feel the same peace & get to "that place" where I'm not so hard on myself. |
Originally Posted by Paddler
(Post 3845209)
your moment will show itself when the time is right... we'll do it together. ;) |
That's awesome paddler. I know what you mean about the peace. I felt the same way. |
Good stuff Paddler; I don't worry bout what this summer or any occasion will feel coz I'm only living in today & if I did what I did today to stay sober, then there's good chance I'll make it thru tomm...1 day @ a time |
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