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How to go to a meeting

Old 03-03-2013, 05:30 AM
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Question How to go to a meeting

After years of trying to do this by myself I have finally accepted the blindingly obvious: if I am still drinking it is not working. I have found daytime meetings I can get to in London (UK). I have put them in my diary.

And I am sick with fear. How do I actually walk through the door?
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:38 AM
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If you ring the number they will arrange for you to meet with someone so you won't walk in alone
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:39 AM
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It will be okay. Think about this: everyone else in that room felt as you do. Just go right in, run through your fear and do it! I bet you will be relieved once you go.
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:42 AM
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You walk in the door. It will be the best thing u can do. People will welcome you. They know what you're going through. U don't even have to talk if u don't want to. Congrats.
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:42 AM
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Oh. I hadn't thought of ringing. Doh. That is such a good idea, from Ready at Last thank you. And Elisabeth888 - you are very right too. Just I fear they will all know each other and turn and stare at me in silence! English social life is a minefield
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:44 AM
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Welcome to SR Undertheivy, good question. I've found a meeting local to me this evening at 7.45. It's in a church near where I drink. I'm worried someone will see me. Crazy isn't it, I'm happy to let people see the worst of me drunk but worried what they will think about me trying to be sober.

Now, I either go for it and sit quietly in the corner, (I too have admitted its not working on my own) or wait for an open meeting and take my GF.

I guess it's our battle so why wait.
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:46 AM
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Jim UK thanks. I can't even tell my other half I am thinking of going so well done that you have your girlfriend's support. I hope you manage to make it and come back to say you survived!
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:49 AM
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Maybe you could confide in her. My girlfriend has been picking up the pieces for 12 years I owe her and my son to get sober and off course myself. Good luck mate.
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:54 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery, UndertheIvy.

There is so much good information here and an amazing support network.

I know there are many reasons to be fearful about this big step. But there are many more important reasons to take it and you have clearly already figured that out.

Have you ever been to a meeting?
A few things that are helpful to know:
-Many of the people that are in there went through the same fears and apprehensions their first time
-People will not make any judgements or assumptions about you. In fact, they won't know why you are there at all if it is an open meeting. Only that addiction has touched your life in some way.
-No one is forced or even expected to contribute. The most you may need to say is "I just came here to listen today"
-Each home group is a little different. Since you are in a big city, you will have lots of options.
-just plan to go a few times to get in the swing of things.
-It helps me to look at scary things from an academic perspective. As if I are just doing research and trying to gain as much knowledge as possible. Sometimes I approach new things as if I have an assignment for work.
-Planning something for afterward might help this feel less enormous. A coffee at a nearby coffee shop or an errand.

There have been alot of good threads about first meetings so please keep reading here forum, and post, too.

The sticky posts at the top of each forum are really helpful. The 12 Step forum stickies are really helpful for understanding more about the AA and NA program.

You'll get lots of advice here so just like the meetings, take what works for you and leave the rest.
Peace,
Hanna
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:55 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery, undertheivy!

If you like, I'll PM you the details of a few London meetings that I've found particularly good to go to as a newcomer. I know what you mean about English social life, especially in London, but the meetings I've got in mind for you are like a totally different culture - very friendly, very warm, very welcoming without being overwhelming. I found that it helped me if I told them I was a newcomer - they were just so genuinely pleased for me and genuinely wanted to help.

Anyway, yes, let me know if you'd like me to PM you about where to find good meetings. Don't worry, I won't tell you which ones I'll be at if you don't want me to and you don't have to tell me which ones you're planning to go to.
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Old 03-03-2013, 06:03 AM
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Hanna, that is incredibly helpful thank you for taking time to put that together. I have researched this meeting to death (Google, google maps trying to see exactly where the front door is even) and have promised myself a creamy latte and cake afterwards if I go.

I am reading through the stickies and finding them very helpful, thank you
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Old 03-03-2013, 06:04 AM
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Louise82 Oh yes please re any tips on friendly London Meetings. Central is easiest but I'm prepared to travel. Thank you so much
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Old 03-03-2013, 06:08 AM
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Hi, ivy,

I'm going to share a link that may be helpful in terms of What to Expect at Your First AA Meeting.

It's written from the perspective of AA in the U.S., but I imagine in the U.K. it is probably similar, perhaps with different formats or customs. Still, I think it will help take some of the mystery out of it.

I have a feeling you will feel RIGHT at home. AA isn't patterned much on conventional social customs, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.
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Old 03-03-2013, 06:11 AM
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Perfect! I'll PM you now.
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Old 03-03-2013, 07:49 AM
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There is nothing to feel scared of I promise.

Nobody understands how you are feeling more than a roomful of ex drunks!
And that is exactly what an AA meeting is.

I find when you are a newcomer, and I have found in general at AA, there is no social code to try and grasp, no secret handshake, no wrong thing to say, no right thing to say, no wrong thing to wear, no right thing to wear, no cliques, no in crowds or outcasts.....just people like me and you who want to stop drinking.

The people at AA, the one's who might have been their years and years have seen it all before. Nothing shocks them, very little surprises them.

I think it's fine to not tell your girlfriend at the moment. I was the same and I saw it as something I wanted to do for myself. However I did confide later when I felt stronger and had more courage about what I was doing.

When I see posts like this about people wanting to go to AA but dare not walk through the door, I am almost shouting from my computer saying do it, please do it, it will be the best decision you ever make.

For me I will have eternal gratitude to the people I have met in AA who have shared their rock bottoms because they don't want to see another person go through agony they did.
There is nothing more powerful, loving and supportive than that.

Please for me, will you go and come back and tell me how you went on?

I have got my fingers crossed for you. xx
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:44 AM
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Call your local AA number in the telephone directory and ask to speak to someone.

They will put your fears to rest and often send someone to go with you to a meeting. It's a lot easier to go with a buddy.

Once you are in the door you will feel right at home and wonder why you were so fearful about it. You will be home.

All the best. We have all felt what you feel when we first went.

Bob R
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Old 03-03-2013, 10:29 AM
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Sasha 4 and 2granddaughters. Thank you so much. This really does make me feel less fearful. If the people on the other side of the door are like you then ... well then the journey begins.
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Old 03-03-2013, 11:52 AM
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Many of us have been in your position, undertheivy For me personally, it's hands-down the best thing I've ever done! People will no doubt greet you with warmth and kindness; one thing I will often mention to people going to a meeting for the first time (when I'm there and chatting face-to-face) is that it can be overwhelming and one of the many reasons other alkies are drawn to a newcomer is that they're excited to pass on the message and share what has saved their lives/my life, but it *can* be a little daunting. My experience was that I allowed myself to feel bombarded and intimidated by people who only wanted the best for me. Just remember you don't have to take everything that everyone says on board, because It's easy to feel overloaded with info, in spite of many people's good intentions.

I think calling AA and having someone accompany you to the meeting is a great idea I didn't realise that was an option when I was new around!

Xx
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Old 03-03-2013, 01:20 PM
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Welcome undertheivy - hope the meeting goes well

D
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Old 03-03-2013, 01:56 PM
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Such kindness from strangers. Thank you all. You are the best testimonial for meetings. x
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